The Worst, of the Worst, Horror Films Ever Madeby terrancegore | created - 08 Oct 2018 | updated - 2 months ago | Public
A personal collection of the biggest piles of (insert noun here) I have ever seen. This is either a recommendation or warning, depending on what's in your noggin. For Horror Fans
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1. Dark Feed (2013)
R | 86 min | Horror
A film crew moves into an abandoned psychiatric hospital with a shadowy past to shoot a low budget horror movie.
Made such an impression on me that I can barely remember what it was about. Dull, tedious, unoriginal will suffice to describe it.
2. Vampires (1998)
R | 108 min | Action, Horror, Thriller
Recovering from an ambush that killed his entire team, a vengeful vampire slayer must retrieve an ancient Catholic relic that, should it be acquired by vampires, will allow them to walk in sunlight.
Votes: 51,244 | Gross: $20.24M
I will admit that my review of this film was never going to be great because of my intense dislike of James Woods, as an actor. But this is countered by my love and admiration for John Carpenter (The Thing, Halloween and Big Trouble in Little China are amongst my favourite films). But, as much as I hate to say it, this is a really poor film.
Derivative, poor performances, editing seemingly done with a spoon and just all around badly done.
Carpenter has only made 2 stinkers. This is one.
The other is Ghosts of Mars.
3. Smiley (2012)
R | 95 min | Comedy, Horror, Mystery
After discovering an urban legend of a demented serial killer, who has nothing but a carved "smiley" on his face, a mentally fragile teenager must figure out if she is going insane - or if she could be the next victim.
Whilst I appreciate that many horror films rely on having groups of protagonists who seem functionally stupid, Smiley takes it a step further. No logic or sense to the story and characters that are so dumb you start hoping for them to die as soon as possible.
Not worth your time.
4. Cell (I) (2016)
R | 98 min | Action, Drama, Horror
When a mysterious cell phone signal causes apocalyptic chaos, an artist is determined to reunite with his young son in New England.
A decent budget and Stephen King source material should make for a good film but this one completely misses the mark. Not even SLJ can save this one.
5. Jeepers Creepers III (2017)
Not Rated | 100 min | Action, Horror, Mystery
Sheriff Dan Tashtego and a team of creeper hunters enlist the help of officer Davis Tubbs to help stop the monster's eating spree.
Votes: 16,152 | Gross: $2.24M
I liked the first one and the sequel was decent but this was the step too far. The main direction here must have been "Ham! We need lots and lots of Ham!" And the actors didn't disappoint.
6. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
PG-13 | 89 min | Adventure, Horror, Thriller
Chief Brody's widow believes that her family is deliberately being targeted by another shark in search of revenge.
Votes: 39,745 | Gross: $20.76M
Arrant nonsense and gets the one star because it blights the legacy of one of my favourite films.
7. The Wicker Man (2006)
PG-13 | 102 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
A sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there's a larger mystery to solve among the island's secretive, neo-pagan community.
Votes: 62,852 | Gross: $23.64M
The Wicker Man is a stonecold British classic and remaking it was akin to remaking Citizen Kane. Just NO. But even if you had never seen the original, you would still wonder at the appalling script and terrible acting that infect this film.
8. Jason X (2001)
R | 91 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
Jason Voorhees returns with a new look, a new machete, and his same murderous attitude as he is awakened on a spaceship in the 25th century.
Votes: 48,865 | Gross: $13.12M
Jason Voohees on a spaceship? On a spaceship? With a "new machete". No. No. No. No. No.
9. Bad Meat (2011)
TV-MA | 92 min | Comedy, Horror
Ordered to a delinquent camp by their exasperated parents, a group of wayward teens fall foul of a deadly virus that infects the guards and turns them into flesh-eating monsters! Gristle ... See full summary »
Just grimly awful and not in a good way; trying to be troma but failing.
10. Avenged (2013)
95 min | Action, Fantasy, Horror
A deaf girl is brutalized by a murderous gang who are then hunted by her when the bloodthirsty spirit of an Apache warrior inhabits her lifeless body.
It should be difficult for a film to be unpleasant and ridiculous, but they managed with this one.
11. Navy Seals vs. Zombies (2015)
Not Rated | 97 min | Action, Horror
A team of highly skilled Navy SEALS find themselves embarking on the battle of their lives when they come face-to-face with the undead. After a deadly outbreak occurs in Baton Rouge, the ... See full summary »
Utter shite. But just in case you wanted some more, Navy Seals vs. Demons has now been made.
12. The Wicker Tree (2011)
R | 96 min | Drama, Horror
Charmed by the residents of Tressock, Scotland, two young missionaries accept the invitation to participate in a local festival, fully unaware of the consequences of their decision.
Sometimes you should just leave it at one. Particularly as Robin Hardy's debut film was the Wicker Man. But no, someone persuaded him to make this sequel 38 years after. He should have refused because this is a confused mess. Looks cheap, the soundtrack jars the ear and it is just soooo poor. Avoid.
13. Orcs! (2011)
78 min | Action, Comedy, Fantasy
When marauding orcs invade a US National Park, our collective fates lie in the hands of Ranger Cal Robertson and his side-kick, Volunteer Cadet Hobie, who must stop the wave of destruction before the whole world is overrun.
In one of the reviews for this film, the reviewer wrote "Obviously, this isn't better than the The Lord Of The Rings trilogy......".
No Sh*t Sherlock.
14. Muck (I) (2015)
Not Rated | 99 min | Horror
After narrowly escaping an ancient burial ground, a group of friends find themselves trapped between two evils, forcing them to fight, die, or go back the way they came.
This is what happens when a producer/writer/director completely disappears up his own a**e. This is nothing more than a sexploitation film pretending to be something else. And the something else makes no sense, either.
There is a sequel in pre-production but f**k knows why.
15. Caved In (2006 TV Movie)
R | 93 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
Disguised as extreme adventurers, a group of high profile thieves unknowingly lead a group of wealthy tourists on an expedition through an abandoned salt mine that is guarded by ancient creatures.
Not sure where to start with this. Appalling acting, terrible special effects and just utterly ridiculous. Not even the saving grace of unintentional laughs.
16. The Butchering (2015)
111 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
A serial killer returns to a small town on the anniversary of his initial spree, forcing a young cop - himself a survivor of the original massacre - to catch him before it's too late.
I've watched a lot of slasher movies over the years and this ranks as one of the worst. Terrible acting, plot holes you could drive lorry through and writing that is trite and formulaic beyond belief.
Now, some terrible films transcend how awful they are and can be unintentionally very funny.
This isn't one of them.
17. Survival of the Dead (2009)
R | 90 min | Comedy, Drama, Horror
On an island off the coast of North America, local residents simultaneously fight a zombie epidemic while hoping for a cure to return their un-dead relatives back to their human state.
Votes: 19,943 | Gross: $0.10M
Similar to my review of Vampires, above, I am an admirer of Romero but couldn't find anything positive to say about this. Tired, rehashed ideas and it delivers nothing new. For this one, he was just mailing it in because Survival contains none of his trademark intelligence or savage wit.
18. Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)
Not Rated | 91 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
When a group of friends enjoying a bachelor cruise in the Caribbean stumble upon a research facility on a remote island, a deadly virus is unleashed. The group must find a way to survive before the flesh eating virus consumes them all.
The only thing to admire in this is some of the make-up and that's a stretch. Boring and tedious.
19. Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (2014 Video)
R | 91 min | Horror
An inheritance leads a young man and his friends to an abandoned resort inhabited by two sketchy caretakers and a clan of mutant cannibals.
Wrong Turn was a genuinely well made, scary film and as usual the sequels gradually got worse. These two scraped, and I mean SCRAPED, the bottom of the barrel.
20. Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012 Video)
R | 91 min | Horror
A group of college students, on a trip to the Mountain Man Festival on Halloween in West Virginia, encounter a clan of cannibals.
21. Siren (III) (2010)
R | 80 min | Horror
Strange goings on ensue, when a few friends on a sailboat find an island with a beautiful lone female inhabitant.
I genuinely cannot remember anything about this film. It seems that my mind has blanked the memory to save me from psychological damage, because this was such pile of S***E!
22. Feardotcom (2002)
R | 101 min | Crime, Horror, Thriller
A New York City detective investigates mysterious deaths occurring 48 hours after users log onto a site named feardotcom.
Votes: 19,522 | Gross: $13.21M
Where to start? Camerawork - Sh*t. Acting - Terrible. Script - Confused Mess. A truly awful film but one that may rank alongside Ed Wood, at his best/worst.
23. White Coffin (2016)
75 min | Action, Horror, Thriller
Virginia will do the impossible in order to rescue her little daughter who has been abducted. After an accident, she has the chance to live one day more to save her. On her path, she will find out that there are worst things than death.
24. Jonah Lives (2015)
Not Rated | 94 min | Drama, Horror, Thriller
A story of revenge from beyond the grave, centering on a group of teenagers who unknowingly supply the catalyst for the murdered Jonah's return from the grave. A day like any other in a ... See full summary »
For this I'm going to borrow a very short review I saw on Rotten Tomatoes.
"Jesus Christ, that was awful"
25. House of the Dead (2003)
R | 90 min | Action, Adventure, Horror
A group of college students travels to a mysterious island to attend a rave, which is soon taken over by bloodthirsty zombies.
Votes: 35,476 | Gross: $10.25M
Need I say more than that this was directed by Uwe Boll. If you have no knowledge of this man, he is a candidate for the worst living director and by some miracle has managed 33 directing credits.
26. The Devil's Tomb (2009)
R | 90 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
An elite group of soldiers on a covert mission to retrieve a scientist from an underground lab encounter an ancient evil in the facility.
No attempt to hide that is a straight rip-off but the worst thing about this is that there are some people in it who can act. But they seem to have made a group decision not to bother in this one. Shite.
27. The Ouija Experiment 2: Theatre of Death (2014 Video)
Not Rated | 86 min | Horror
A group of unsuspecting theatre goers are trapped, after a ravenous spirit is resurrected and released from a Ouija board.
I can cope with horror films being many things, but not DULL and BORING. The only feelings of horror that this engenders is the horrific realisation that someone gave these people money to make the f***ing thing.
29. Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (2012 TV Movie)
R | 90 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy
Reba the poacher is back, now an E.P.A. Agent. Black Lake has turned into a crocodile sanctuary, surrounded by an electric fence. When the fence gets left open one night, a high-school ... See full summary »
31. The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)
Not Rated | 91 min | Horror
Inspired by the fictional Dr. Heiter, disturbed loner Martin dreams of creating a 12-person centipede and sets out to realize his sick fantasy.
Votes: 34,596 | Gross: $0.12M
Very unpleasant and I don't ever want to meet the man responsible for writing it; although by now he's probably in prison.
32. One of Us (2017 TV Movie)
Unrated | 86 min | Drama, Horror, Mystery
A young journalist goes deep undercover within a mountain commune and becomes manipulated by a duplicitous cult leader.
33. Alone in the Dark (2005)
R | 96 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
A detective of the paranormal slowly unravels mysterious events with deadly results.
Votes: 41,211 | Gross: $5.18M
Another of Uwe Boll's masterpieces, but this one is SO dire that it is full of unintentional laughs.
And it is really, really, really, extremely sh*t.
34. The Hike (I) (2011)
TV-MA | 83 min | Horror
A young soldier, Kate (Zara Phythian), returns from a tour in Afghanistan after witnessing her boyfriend's tragic death in combat. With the comfort of her friends, including Torri (Barbara ... See full summary »
About as misogynist as a film can get. Unpleasant.
36. The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)
PG-13 | 102 min | Adventure, Drama, Horror
Orbiting a planet on the brink of war, scientists test a device to solve an energy crisis, and end up face-to-face with a dark alternate reality.
There is, very simply, no excuse for making a film this awful when you have a budget of £26 million.
37. The Hollow World (2018)
115 min | Horror
When the Solar System is attacked by an overwhelming alien force, astronaut Xander returns to a looted Earth to search for what matters most.
Give me half an hour to write it, another hour for filming and a final hour for editing and post production and ANYTHING THAT I PRODUCED woud be better than this (and I know f**k all about making films). I do not know what possessed me to watch it.
38. 3-Headed Shark Attack (2015 Video)
TV-14 | 89 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy
As a mutated, three-headed, great white shark eats its way from one end of the ship to the next, the passengers have to fight the deadly predator using anything they can find.
Shouldn't need to tell you to avoid 4-Headed Shark Attack, 5-Headed Shark Attack and 6 Headed-Shark Attack. I watched them. Don't do it.
39. Hellions (2015)
Not Rated | 80 min | Drama, Horror, Thriller
A teenager must survive a Halloween night from Hell when malevolent trick-or-treaters come knocking at her door.
There may well be a universe where a hybrid of Trick or Treat, The Strangers and Children of the Corn will work, but this isn't it. Not with this film.
I began to have doubts when confronted by 3 children poking a dead animal with a stick (opening scene) and it went downhill quickly from there. You can sort-of see what they were trying to achieve, but sadly they failed, very badly.
40. Playing with Dolls (2015)
80 min | Horror
A serial killer is purposely released from an asylum for the criminally insane so that he can continue his rampage.
The director of this film is setting himself up as competition for Uwe Boll for the Worst Director in the World title. This is total pants and you can find it, and some of his others on Youtube.
41. AE: Apocalypse Earth (2013 Video)
Not Rated | 87 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
A group of refugees from Earth work to survive on a hostile alien planet.
This is the first of 3 films that I happened to watch for the first time, consecutively. It turned out to be triple whammy of witlessness and woe.
This one stars Adrian Paul, one of those actors who is like a British Kite Mark but for terrible films and television. A post-apocalyptic tale that......
Nah. Why would I bother to describe this sh*te. It is truly awful
42. Star Runners (2009 TV Movie)
80 min | Action, Adventure, Horror
Given an undercover government mission to retrieve a "crate" from a distant planet, TY JOHNS and LEI CHEN find that they must smuggle not a crate, but a woman off world -- and when their ... See full summary »
Another pile but this has a bonus in that so many sci-fi films and books have been ripped off to make it (I hesitate to use the word homage) that you can spend the time spotting the rip-offs and laughing at the special effects. Pants.
43. Age of Dinosaurs (2013)
Not Rated | 88 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Hundreds of dinosaurs created by a biotech firm escape into Los Angeles, and wreak havoc on the city.
This was the third of them and this one was just a very, very poor Jurassic Park wannabe. Don't waste your time.
44. Blood Rage (1987)
R | 82 min | Horror
As kids, Todd is institutionalized for a murder whilst his twin goes free. 10 years later, on Thanksgiving, Todd escapes and a killing spree begins in his neighborhood.
46. The Meat Puppet (2012)
80 min | Horror, Thriller