Funny dialogues

Chip: I like your pants. Olive: Thank you! They're Costco. You can have them when you're a little taller if you want. Chip: I'm never gonna go through puberty. Rosemary: Of course you will, baby, but we're a family of late bloomers - I didn't until I was 14, and nor did Olive. Chip: Why does that matter? I'm adopted! Dill: [slams his fist on the kitchen cabinet] What? Oh my God! Who told you? Guys, we were going to do this at the right time! [a little later at the kitchen table] Dill: [to Chip] Where are you from originally?

[Margaret looks down the 9-step ladder] Andrew Paxton: Come on... [Margaret starts for the ladder resignedly] Andrew Paxton: Come on, here we go. [Margaret puts her tote bag down on the ground and gets on the ladder, trying to find her footing in high heels and a skirt] Andrew Paxton: [looking up at Margaret] Looking good, boss. Take your time though. Margaret Tate: Shh! [takes her bag off the ground and back on her arm] Andrew Paxton: [puts her hand on Margaret's butt] Just give you a little hand here. Margaret Tate: Hand. Off. A**. Off a**. Andrew Paxton: [removes his hand] There you go. [Margaret tries to find the next step] Andrew Paxton: You're there. [Margaret tries to find the pier with her foot, finally finds it, and gets off the ladder] Andrew Paxton: Congratulations. I'm a hundred years old now.

Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains. Westley: You're that smart? Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Westley: Yes. Vizzini: Morons.

Eric Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a big dumb Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew. Kyle Broflovski: Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman. Eric Cartman: No no, Kyle, don't be so hard on yourself.

Jules Winnfield: Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like? Brett: What? Jules Winnfield: What country are you from? Brett: What? What? Wh... Jules Winnfield: What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What? Brett: What? Jules Winnfield: English, mother*****r do you speak it? Brett: Yes! Yes! Jules Winnfield: Then you know what I'm sayin'! Brett: Yes! Jules Winnfield: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like! Brett: What? Jules Winnfield: Say "what" again. Say "what" again, I dare you, I double dare you mother*****r say "what" one more Goddamn time!

Judith Kuttner: Well my situation is very delicate. Jackson Healy: I… That’s where I know you from, right, the TV. You’re prosecuting that car company thing. Judith Kuttner: The lawsuit of the catalytic converter, yes, that’s half my day. The other half I spend on pornography. Holland March: What kind? Like which films? What’s your favorite?

Winston: What is that? Willie: That's Gloria. Winston: Yes I know that's Gloria, what's that? Willie: Fertilizer. Winston: You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer...

[Jane and Selvig appear through a portal and catch Darcy kissing Ian] Jane Foster: Darcy! Darcy Lewis: [drops Ian to the ground] Jane! Erik Selvig: Ian! Ian Boothby: Selvig! Darcy Lewis: [sees Mjölnir fly by] Mew-mew!

Bruce Banner: I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him. Thor: Have a care how you speak! Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and he is my brother! Black Widow: He killed eighty people in two days. Thor: He's adopted.

Hannah: Take off your shirt! Jacob Palmer: Why? Hannah: Will you take off your shirt? [Jacob removes his shirt] Hannah: Seriously!? It's like you're photoshopped!

Charlie: I put him in the septic tank Gus: Who? Charlie: The corpse. Gus: What corpse? Charlie: The reverend's corpse. Gus: He wasn't a corpse when I left him Charlie! [Charlie freaks out] Charlie: Can't we get him out of the tank? Gus: Well yeah how long has been down there breathing liquid sh*t? Charlie: Ten minutes, tops.

Charlie: Wait, wait. You're not engaged? Sophie: No... But it's too late! Clearly, it's too late. And it really doesn't matter anymore because... honestly? I love you. laughing through tears I can't believe I just said that, but I do, I love you. But it doesn't, I mean it shouldn't matter to you because you're here with Patricia... Charlie: Patricia? Sophie: And you should be back with her right now. Charlie: Patricia is my cousin! She's my cousin! Sophie: [pauses, confused] How is that legal?

Billy: How's the Seven Psychopaths coming, Marty? Marty: Slow, slow. I've got the title, y'know... just haven't been able to come up with all the psychopaths yet. Billy: How many you got? Marty: One. And he ain't really much of a psychopath. He's more of a... kind of a Buddhist. Billy: A Buddhist? Marty: Yeah, I'm sick of all these stereotypical Hollywood murderer scumbag type psychopath movies. I don't want it to be one more film about guys with guns in their hands. I want it... overall... to be about love... and peace. But it still has to be about these seven psychopaths, so this Buddhist psychopath, he... he doesn't believe in violence. I don't know what the ***k he's going to do in the movie.

Ryan Bingham: You know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet just for a second? Natalie Keener: Yes. Ryan Bingham: Right. I don't.

[in the middle of battle as Thadeous tries to free Belladonna from the bed to which she's tied] Leezar: Step away from my virgin! Thadeous: She's my brother's virgin. If you want to ***k her, you'll have to ***k me first!

Dave Skylark: This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. But you're just... Boromir! Aaron Rapaport: I don't know who the ***k that is! Dave Skylark: "I don't know who Boromir is", that's such a Boromir thing to say!

Jack Sparrow: Scarlet! [Scarlet slaps him] Jack Sparrow: I'm not sure I deserved that. [a blond woman approaches] Jack Sparrow: Giselle! Giselle: Who was she? Jack Sparrow: What? [Giselle slaps him] Jack Sparrow: I may have deserved that. Later... Jack Sparrow: Anamaria! [Anamaria slaps Jack] Will Turner: I suppose you didn't deserve that one either? Jack Sparrow: No, that one I deserved.

Dr. McCoy: [after removing shrapnel from Spock] Yeah, they say it hurts less if it's a surprise. Spock: If I may adopt a parlance with which you are familiar, I can confirm that theory to be horsesh*t.

Hey... Wake up. You had a brain operation. It worked! They've made you pleasant and agreeable.

Liz: You hang out with my friends? Sorry, a failed actress and a tw*t? Shaun: Well, that's a bit harsh... Liz: Your words! Shaun: I did not call Diane a failed actress!