◄ IMDb Polls

Poll: It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

Snoopy’s favorite opening line, “It was a dark and stormy night …”* starts the opening sentence of the novel Paul Clifford by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton. The English Department at San Jose State University has sponsored the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest since 1983. 2017 marked the 35th anniversary for this contest, which challenges entrants to compose opening sentences for the worst possible novel. Which of these annual winners would inspire the most interesting film?

After approving the script, you may discuss it here.

*“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.” — Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

Results of 125 votes:

1.

Peter Sellers in The Pink Panther (1963)

1997 - The moment he laid eyes on the lifeless body of the nude socialite sprawled across the bathroom floor, Detective Leary knew she had committed suicide by grasping the cap on the tamper-proof bot…
2.

Jason Momoa and Rachel Nichols in Conan the Barbarian (2011)

1984 - The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarous tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of t…
3.

BD Scream 7 (2024)

1986 - The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those who hadn’t heard the scream at all, …
4.

John Landis and Saul Kahan in Schlock (1973)

1985 - The countdown had stalled at T minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick, rubbery lips unmistakably – the first of many such…
5.

Die Geschichte vom weinenden Kamel (2003)

1983 - The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails – not for the first time since the journey began –pondered snidely if this …
6.

Anna Paquin and Terry Kinney in Fly Away Home (1996)

1987 - The notes blatted skyward as the sun rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically peddling unseen bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven b…
7.

Europe to the Stars: ESO's First 50 Years of Exploring the Southern Sky (2012)

1989 - Professor Frobisher couldn't believe he had missed seeing it for so long – it was, after all, right there under his nose – but in all his years of research into the intricate and mysterious way…
8.

New Computer (2020)

1994 - As the fading light of a dying day filtered through the window blinds, Roger stood over his victim with a smoking .45, surprised at the serenity that filled him after pumping six slugs into the…
9.

Cemetery Ridge Films (2019)

1999 - Through the gathering gloom of a late-October afternoon, along the greasy, cracked paving-stones slick from the sputum of the sky, Stanley Ruddlethorp wearily trudged up the hill from the cemet…
10.

The Perfect Storm (2000)

2000 - The heather-encrusted Headlands, veiled in fog as thick as smoke in a crowded pub, hunched precariously over the moors, their rocky elbows slipping off land’s end, their bulbous, craggy noses t…
11.

Crystal Gayle in The Country Mouse & the City Mouse: A Christmas Tale (1993)

2014 - When the dead moose floated into view the famished crew cheered – this had to mean land! – but Captain Walgrove, flinty-eyed and clear headed thanks to the starvation cleanse in progress, gave …
12.

Wales (????)

2017 - The elven city of Losstii faced towering sea cliffs and abutted rolling hills that in the summer were covered with blankets of flowers and in the winter were covered with blankets, because the …
13.

1, 2 oder 3 (1977)

1993 - She wasn’t really my type, a hard-looking but untalented reporter from the local cat box liner, but the first second that the third-rate representative of the fourth estate cracked open a new f…
14.

Hala Madrid (2017)

2001 - A small assortment of astonishingly loud brass instruments raced each other lustily to the respective ends of their distinct musical choices as the gates flew open to release a torrent of tawny…
15.

The Moon (2006)

2009 - Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blown’ off Nantucket Sound from nor’ east and the dogs are howlin’ for no earthly reason, you can hear t…
16.

Ignition (2012)

1988 - Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek, shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit molding her body, which was as warm as the seatcovers in July, her hair as dar…
17.

Lane Shefter Bishop, Adam Huber, and Hannah Barefoot in Blood, Sweat, and Lies (2018)

1990 - Dolores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping across smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost mome…
18.

Bulgur Mill (2016)

1991 - Sultry it was and humid, but no whisper of air caused the plump, laden spears of golden grain to nod their burdened heads as they unheedingly awaited the cyclic rape of their gleaming treasure,…
19.

Love It or List It (2008)

1992 - As the newest Lady Turnpot descended into the kitchen wrapped only in her celery-green dressing gown, her creamy bosom rising and falling like a temperamental soufflé, her tart mouth pursed in …
20.

Lilac Lips, Dutchess County (2021)

1996 - “Ace, watch your head!” hissed Wanda urgently, yet somehow provocatively, through red, full, sensuous lips, but he couldn’t you know, since nobody can actually watch more than part of his nose …
21.

Popular Mechanics for Kids (1997)

2002 - On reflection, Angela perceived that her relationship with Tom had always been rocky, not quite a roller-coaster ride but more like when the toilet-paper roll gets a little squashed so it hangs…
22.

The Cook and the Chef (2006)

2003 - They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a …
23.

The Pioneer Woman (2011)

2006 - Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you’ve had your las…
24.

Volcanoes, dual destruction (2018)

2007 - Gerald began – but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattere…
25.

Chicago Taxi (2018)

2008 - Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city, their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist breath t…
26.

Turn the Page (1999)

2016 - Even from the hall, the overpowering stench told me the dingy caramel glow in his office would be from a ten-thousand-cigarette layer of nicotine baked on a naked bulb hanging from a frayed wir…
27.

One World Kitchen (2015)

1995 - Paul Revere had just discovered that someone in Boston was a spy for the British, and when he saw the young woman believed to be the spy’s girlfriend in an Italian restaurant he said to the wai…
28.

Giles Coren in Million Dollar Critic (2014)

1998 - The corpse exuded the irresistible aroma of a piquant, ancho chili glaze enticingly enhanced with a hint of fresh cilantro as it lay before him, coyly garnished by a garland of variegated radic…
29.

A Is for Apple (2015)

2004 - She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight … summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp’s tail … though the term “love affair” now struck her as a ridiculo…
30.

Wheeler Dealers (2003)

2005 - As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the inta…
31.

Eco Trip: The Real Cost of Living (2009)

2010 - For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss – a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth…
32.

Alltwalis Wind Farm, Wales (2010)

2011 - Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories. — Sue Fondrie, Oshkosh,…
33.

The Cheese Mites (1903)

2012 - As he told her that he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noted the infestation of eyelash mites, the tiny deodicids burrowing into his follicles to eat the greasy sebum there…
34.

The Pioneer Woman (2011)

2013 - She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tig…
35.

Smash-Up on Interstate 5 (1976)

2015 - Seeing how the victim's body, or what remained of it, was wedged between the grill of the Peterbilt 389 and the bumper of the 2008 Cadillac Escalade EXT, officer "Dirk" Dirksen wonder…