Poll: The Best Reason Why Santa Needs a Lawyer

Results of 163 votes:

1. 1.
   

   Jerome Cowan and Robert Hyatt in Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

    

   To legally prove that Santa Claus exists. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
2. 2.
   

   Tim Allen in The Santa Clause (1994)

    

   To defend against over a billion annual charges of illegal entry into people’s houses worldwide. (Just about every Santa Claus movie ever made.)
3. 3.
   

   Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

    

   In case Santa ever decides to go postal and kill everyone, the insanity defense. All the Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) films and Christmas Evil (1980)
4. 4.
   

   Kurt Russell in The Christmas Chronicles (2018)

    

   To explain to the police that Santa didn’t really steal the stolen car that he drove. The Christmas Chronicles (2018)
5. 5.
   

   Danny Elfman, Paul Reubens, Catherine O'Hara, and Edward Ivory in The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

    

   To file a complaint or charge to convict those who had tried to kidnap him. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
6. 6.
   

   The Polar Express (2004)

    

   Invasion of privacy charges for illegally spying on every kid in the world to see if they were naughty or nice.
7. 7.
   

   Gene Lockhart and John Payne in Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

    

   To prove legally that Kris Kringle is the one and only Santa Claus. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
8. 8.
   

   Tim Allen in The Santa Clause (1994)

    

   Breaking out of jail twice. The Santa Clause (1994) and Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (1970).
9. 9.
   

   The Santa Clause (1994)

    

   To sue Santa impersonators. Bad Santa (2003), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), Elf (2003), The Christmas Star (1986), A Christmas Story (1983), Trading Places (1983), The French Connection (197…
10. 10.
    

    Tim Allen in The Santa Clause (1994)

     

    To defend against illegal trademark infringements charges when Santa’s workshop produces knockoffs of other manufacturers’ toys. Knockoffs is mentioned by Scott Calvin the first time he walks through …
11. 11.
    

    The Christmas That Almost Wasn't (1966)

     

    To prevent the landlord, Phineas T. Prune (not pictured), from evicting Mr. and Mrs. Claus from the North Pole. The Christmas That Almost Wasn't (1966)
12. 12.
    

    The Santa Clause (1994)

     

    To examine the Santa Clause for loopholes. The Santa Clause (1994)
13. 13.
    

    Susan Blu and Michele Lee in Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (2000)

     

    To prove once and for all that his Reindeer did not run over Grandma despite what the song claims! Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (2000)
14. 14.
    

    Edmund Gwenn and Porter Hall in Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

     

    To defend against false pop psychiatry diagnoses of “latent maniacal tendencies” by fake doctors like Sawyer. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
15. 15.
    

    Judge Reinhold, Eric Lloyd, Wendy Crewson, and Ron Hartmann in The Santa Clause (1994)

     

    To defend his parental visitation rights to see his own son, Charlie. The Santa Clause (1994)
16. 16.
    

    Elizabeth Banks in Fred Claus (2007)

     

    To prevent elves from unionizing.
17. 17.
    

    Peter Billingsley in A Christmas Story (1983)

     

    Law suits from parents suing Santa for giving presents to their kids that they had expressly forbidden their kids to have. Remember, in the movie, A Christmas Story (1983), Ralphie’s mom did not want…
18. 18.
    

    Snegurochka (1969)

     

    To work out an accord that Santa shall not trespass upon the territory of or interfere with other mythological Christmas present givers. The point in option 14 is wrong. There is more than one holiday…
19. 19.
    

    Mickey Rooney and Paul Frees in Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (1970)

     

    To defend Santa from the charge of “Smuggling illegal and immoral toys” into Sobertown. Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (1970)
20. 20.
    

    Tim Allen in The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

     

    Billions of naughty kids filing a discrimination lawsuit every single year.
21. 21.
    

    Will Ferrell in Elf (2003)

     

    Damages to Central Park in New York City caused by Santa crash landing into it. Elf (2003)
22. 22.
    

    Rebecca Harrell Tickell and Boo in Prancer (1989)

     

    To clean up flying reindeer poop left all over the world and bad smell from Reindeer farts also Santa was given the reindeer the cookies left out for him. (combined with a suggestion by Karen_P)
23. 23.
    

    Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

     

    Suits from parents against Santa for one upping them by leaving better presents for their kids than they did! (Anyone who has ever seen Miracle on 34th Street (1947), knows what that house means.)
24. 24.
    

    Tim Allen in The Santa Clause (1994)

     

    To sue dog owners for not locking up their dogs, and let them bite Santa as he visits. After all, they are guarding the house, and he is invading it. The Santa Clause (1994)
25. 25.
    

    Kevin Spacey in Fred Claus (2007)

     

    To argue to Clyde (pictured) that the rules actually state that “Only ‘A’ Claus can deliver the presents, and that”, Fred Claus, “is ‘A’ Claus!” Fred Claus (2007)
26. 26.
    

    Judy Cornwell, Christian Fitzpatrick, Carrie Kei Heim, and David Huddleston in Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

     

    To legally adopt Joe and Cornelia as Mr. and Mrs. Claus’ own children. Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)
27. 27.
    

    John Lithgow in Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

     

    To fight hostile takeovers of his job. Santa Claus: The Movie (1985). (What? Were you expecting Jack Skellington? This guy makes jack look like a choir boy!) B.Z. in Santa Claus: The Movie (1985), Jac…
28. 28.
    

    Ludacris in Fred Claus (2007)

     

    To file a mental cruelty lawsuit against the elves for playing and singing the same two songs over and over again. “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” in Fred Claus (2007) and “Jingle Bells” in The Night…
29. 29.
    

    Vince Vaughn, Gabriel Pimentel, Hassan Chikhaoui, and Vitalie Babara in Fred Claus (2007)

     

    in case he is ever attacked by angry ninja elves. Inspired by scenes in ”Elf” and “Fred Claus”.
30. 30.
    

    The Night They Saved Christmas (1984)

     

    To sue the oil company for damages to North Pole City caused by the company blasting too close to it! And to file for orders to stop the blasting! The Night They Saved Christmas (1984)
31. 31.
    

    Tim Allen and Eric Lloyd in The Santa Clause (1994)

     

    To make sure Santa renews his pilot’s license and the sleigh be up to code Believe it or not, Santa has an official one since 1927! Here is his picture from the library of Congress. https://www.loc.go…
32. 32.
    

    Edward Asner in Elf (2003)

     

    To defend Santa from charges of accidentally abducting Buddy from the orphanage and failure to promptly return him. Elf (2003)
33. 33.
    

    Tim Allen and Elizabeth Mitchell in The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

     

    To examine the ‘Missus’ Clause for loopholes in case Santa wants a divorce. After all, it was a forced marriage. The Santa Clause 2 (2002)
34. 34.
    

    The Santa Clause (1994)

     

    Suits filed against Santa for the property damages to rooftops cause by “The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.”
35. 35.
    

    Tim Allen and Bob Bergen in The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

     

    Charges of animal abuse by making the reindeer fly all over the world in a single night.