Review of Ablaze

Ablaze (2001)
1/10
Has To Be Seen To Be Believed
16 August 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Firstly, it stars Tom Arnold which should make anyone suspicious, a god-awful actor at the best of times. Saying that he's not all that much worse than anything else I've been unfortunate enough to see him in, but looks at the camera inadvertently almost more times than he appears.

It's funny because I actually fell asleep after around 5 minutes but then woke up another few minutes later and was left wondering "have I been asleep for over two hours? The film I fell asleep to had Ice T in it, where's he gone?".

The writing is monumentally terrible. All the simplistic dialogue you'd expect from an abomination with a plot summary similar to this one. I can't help but try and imagine the process involved when this band of hapless Hollywood types scratched around for ideas and funding. If anyone amongst this tribe ever worked again God only knows how. Hollywood films are poor more often than not and this is like 'Hollywood Culture' wrapped up in one epic masterpiece of wasted time.

I'm a film collector, and I don't know who John Bradly (top billing) is... I still don't.

In terms of score, it's everything a Hollywood Blockbuster normally is, miserably monotonous horns throughout and "awwww" sorry strings for the mooshy bits at hospital bedsides and shots of heart monitors. Absolutely awful.

What should amaze the uninitiated, is that I saw this film on television. With the wealth of spectacular film making across the world, someone, somewhere actually made the decision to air this over it all. I understand that it's part of the dumbing down process but it's so tiring that the library of television stations is consistently stocked with plastic, ready-made microwavable mind-fluff in favour of art. The mind of the 10 year old in the body of an adult is nurtured heavily, always.

Possibly, the worst film I've ever seen.

If I was to be positive, I'd say that this film needs 30 years to become a classic, but only because it will become a great social document to help understand what disgusting times the late 20th and early 21st centuries were to live in.
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