A Christmas Cruise (2017 TV Movie)
2/10
Just... no.
4 October 2020
This was pretty bad. That's saying a lot because I'm not very fussy about movies. But this one was especially painful. It felt like it took 3 months to watch it. Kristoff St. John should just be embarrassed. The scenes between him and Vivica A. Fox were painful! THAT was supposed to be romance? A love story? They were more like an old married couple that were tired of each other and heading for a divorce. No romance vibes in this movie whatsoever, much less Christmas.

Yet, the character of Gil (played by Corin Nemec) was even worse. That minor character, by himself, brought this movie down to a 1 Star rating. None of the minor characters were remotely believable or enjoyable.

As for everything else, it was just a Hallmark wannabe that wouldn't even make the cut for Lifetime! The story and the writing were cringe-worthy. The emotions were beyond forced and contrived, to the point that even the actors couldn't care any less about showing up in their performances. Again, I didn't get Christmas or Romance out of this. If I find another movie written by Jay Cipriani, or produced by Hybrid or Mulholland Productions, it will be a very fast and easy PASS for me.

So, why 2 Stars instead of one? I gave it 1 Star for the premise. It had potential - if it had been in the hands of actual writers and if the script didn't come across as a first draft written on toilet roll. And the other 1 Star? There was one line - ONE - that delivered, "I'm going to finally write my book. I'm gonna stop talking about it, and I'm gonna BE about it." You have to wait for it, and you'll pay for it with your time, patience, and frustration, but at least it gives you SOMETHING.
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