Platinum Blonde (1931)

Robert Williams: Stew Smith

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dexter Grayson : Anne asked me, uh, to come and see you about the divorce.

  Stew Smith : She did?

  Dexter Grayson : She wants me to arrange the financial settlement.

  Stew Smith : Listen, Grayson, I got 106 bucks and 75 cents in the bank. Now Anne can have any part of that she wants, but she's got to hurry, because I'm spending it awful fast.

  Dexter Grayson : You don't seem to understand. Anne doesn't expect anything from you. We would like to know how much YOU would want to ...

  Stew Smith : Now wait a minute! Do I get from you that she wants to pay ME alimony?

• Stew Smith : Now, before you go unconscious, I want you to get this through your nut.

  Dexter Grayson : I beg your pardon?

  Stew Smith : Unconscious. You know, when you don't know anything - your natural state! There's some people, you can't buy their self-respect for a bucket of shekels! Now I happen to be one of those guys.

  Dexter Grayson : We just thought...

  Stew Smith : Don't think! Let me do the thinking. Now you go back to that Schuyler outfit and tell them that I didn't marry that dame for her dough and I don't want any of her dough now.

  Dexter Grayson : Yes.

  Stew Smith : I was too poor to buy her a wedding present when we married, so I'll give her a divorce for a wedding present!

• Conroy, The Editor : You know what to do in a drawing room?

  Stew Smith : It isn't a question of knowing what to do... it's knowing how to get IN one that counts.

• Stew Smith : Say, I interviewed a swell guy the other day: Einstein. Yeh, swell guy. Little eccentric, but a swell - doesn't wear, doesn't wear any garters. Neither do I, as a matter of fact.

• Stew Smith : [to Anne]  I know what's wrong. I'm colorblind. That's what's wrong, I'm colorblind. I've been sitting here for a half-hour looking at you and I don't know yet whether your eyes are blue or violet.

• Stew Smith : You should throw me out. Because I begin to get goofy ideas and they concern you, Anne.

  Anne Schuyler : None of your ideas could be goofy, Stew, if they concern me.

  Stew Smith : Well, my name is Smith. That you seem to have been able to stand for the last month. I am white, male and over 21. I've never been in jail... that is, not often. And I prefer Scotch to bourbon, I hate carrots, I hate peas, I like bad coffee, and I hate garters. I make seventy-five bucks a week, and I got eight hundred and forty-seven bucks in the bank... and I don't know yet whether your eyes are blue or violet.

  Anne Schuyler : That's because you're too far away, Stew.

  [Kiss] 

• Binji Baker : No use you you hanging around here. Just buy a copy of the Tribune, read it over, then make a rewrite... you can use it for your last edition.

  Stew Smith : It'll never make the last edition. It'll take me four hours to translate your story into English.

  Binji Baker : Oh, is that so?

  Stew Smith : I'm afraid. Take your hat off, might make an impression.

  [Baker takes off hat] 

  Stew Smith : Impossible. Put it on again.

• Stew Smith : What country is this library in? Miss Schuyler, how about car fare back to the front door, huh?

• Smythe, The Butler : The gentleman from the Tribune.

  Stew Smith : There's no gentlemen at the Tribune.

• Stew Smith : Is she beautiful? Oh boss, I think pictures don't do her justice. If I were that guy, Zigfield...

• Gallagher : You're certainly going to be poison to that Junior Leaguer from now on.

  Stew Smith : Gosh, I hope not. I got to call on her this morning.

  Gallagher : You what?

  Stew Smith : Sure! I must drop in and see the witch. Her wounds need soothing.

  Gallagher : For heaven's sake, Stew, are you completely bats? What for? I thought that story was cold.

  Stew Smith : Sure the story was cold; but, I'm not. I'm sizzlin'. Look!

  Gallagher : Oh, came the dawn, came the dawn.

  Stew Smith : And with it came love. Oh, Gallagher, you've got to meet her. She's "it"!

  Gallagher : And that!

  Stew Smith : And those and them!

  Gallagher : Well, I've see her pictures and I don't think she's so hot.

• Stew Smith : Oh Gallagher, she's queenly. She is queenly. And I know queens!

• Stew Smith : When you move down to my place, I'll show it to you.

  Anne Schuyler : In your place?

  Stew Smith : Yeah. Oh, it's great. Of course, it doesn't compare with this Colosseum of yours, here. But, will serve, m'lady, will serve. The architecture is, eh, well, it has a little feeling of Missouri Gothic and the furniture sort of leans toward Oklahoma Renaissance with a tiny touch of Grand Rapids.

• Stew Smith : Say, you know, you're nice. You're all right. You'll make a good wife.

  Dawson - the Valet : Thank you, sir.

  Stew Smith : Well, not for me.

• Gallagher : Don't turn around now, but, there's a very beautiful girl up there that seems to be staring at us.

  Stew Smith : Staring at us?

  Gallagher : My mistake, she's glaring.

  Stew Smith : She's glaring - it must be my wife.

• Stew Smith : We never look at Gallagher as a girl!

  Anne Schuyler : No, well, what do you look upon her as?

  Stew Smith : Well, down at the office, we always just look at - - Gallagher, that's all.

  Gallagher : Well, you see, they all consider me just as one of the boys.

  Stew Smith : Right!

  Anne Schuyler : [Skeptically]  In deed. How interesting.

• Stew Smith : You know what I should do with you? I should sock you right in that - funny little nose.

  Gallagher : Yes, and I'd love it.

  Stew Smith : Sure, you'd love it.

• Stew Smith : Have we got a play, Anne. Oh, have we got a play! Of course, most of it's Gallagher's. She did most of it. That brain of hers. It just snaps like that all of the time.

  Anne Schuyler : I'm not interested in the way her brain snaps.

• Stew Smith : Holy jumping swordfish!

• Stew Smith : Yeah, I know those bluenoses. Their ancestors refused to come over on the Mayflower because they didn't want to rub elbows with the tourists... so they swam over!

• Stew Smith : Well, Gallagher!

  Gallagher : Hi!

  Stew Smith : Ohhh, I'm glad to see you! Hello, Hank, how are you?

  Hank : Oh, fine, but kind of thirsty...

  Stew Smith : Thirsty? Come right in, I'll get you a drink, huh?

  [starts to close door] 

  Hank : Oh, say, uh, you remember Joe?

  Stew Smith : Sure.

  Hank : Well, I sort of invited him in to bend an elbow with us.

  Stew Smith : 'Sall right, 'sall right, 'sall right, bring him in.

  Hank : Come on, Joe, it's all right.

  Joe : All right!

  Stew Smith : Hello, Joe!

  Joe : Hello, kid, how are you?

  Stew Smith : Glad to see you, kid.

  [starts to close door] 

  Joe : Say, just a minute.

  Stew Smith : Yeah?

  Joe : Johnson's outside. You don't mind if he comes in and dips the beak, do ya?

  Stew Smith : No, no, bring him in. More the merrier.

  Joe : [to Johnson]  Hey, come on, come on.

  Stew Smith : Hi, Johnson!

  Johnson : Hello, Stew old pal, how are you?

  Stew Smith : Glad to see you.

  Johnson : I'm glad to see you.

  Stew Smith : Come on in, come on in.

  [starts to close door] 

  Johnson : Say, lookit, wait a minute. I've got two of the boys I brought along with me, they're cruising around with nothing to do... you don't mind if I bring them in?

  Stew Smith : You brought two of them?

  Johnson : Yes.

  Stew Smith : That's all right, bring 'em in...

  Johnson : Come on in.

  Stew Smith : ...well, what's the difference?

  [... and the other 20 people come in] 

• Stew Smith : And, oh, has she got herself a nose. And I know noses, too. That little snozzle of hers.

• Stew Smith : There you go, talkin' like a woman.

  Gallagher : Well?

  Stew Smith : Well, you're my pal, aren't you? And don't turn female on me.

• Smythe, The Butler : Mrs. Schuyler is not at home.

  Stew Smith : I know. I know. I waited outside, until she went out. She's a nice lady, she's all right; but, we don't vibrate well together.

• Stew Smith : Hello. Hello, Mrs. Schuyler. Come right in. Have a slug of tea.

• Stew Smith : There's a swell girl. I want you to meet her.

  Gallagher : Who me? She wouldn't want to meet me - I'm just an old load of hay.

  Stew Smith : Here's what we'll do. We'll have a party down at your house. One of those spaghetti party's, you know? Haven't had one in a long time. Have we, Gallagher?

  Gallagher : Not since you broke into society.

• Conroy, The Editor : Let me know when you're quittin'

  Stew Smith : I'm not quitting.

  Conroy, The Editor : No?

  [sings] 

  Conroy, The Editor : "For he's only a bird in a gilded cage, a beautiful sight to see." Tweet. Tweet.

  [Walks away laughing] 

  Stew Smith : Oh, go on and laugh you hyena!

• Stew Smith : [singing to Anne]  Oh, you can't carry a tune, you can't carry a tune, all you are good for is to sit and spoon, spoon...

• Stew Smith : Well, daughter of the slums, how'd you get out of the ghetto, huh?

• Stew Smith : That was kind of a rotten thing to do, Anne. After all, Gallagher's my friend. The least you can do is be courteous to her.

  Anne Schuyler : I thought I was very charming, Stewart.

  Stew Smith : You did? That's a lot of hooey. I'll go and apologize.

• Stew Smith : Well, well, well. My little pal Gallagher's a gal, heh.

• Mrs. Schuyler : The man's insane!

  Stew Smith : Sure, I'm insane. But, I got some good news for you. This magnolia is leaving your sweet smelling vanilla joint! This bird in a cage is gonna button his own pants from now on. And that's what's known as telling the Mother-in-Law!

• Stew Smith : My name's Smith, Stewart Smith. No relation to John, Joe, Trade, or Mark.