The Big Store (1941)

Groucho Marx: Wolf J. Flywheel

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Grover : What experience have you had at a department store?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : I was a shoplifter for three years.

• Wolf J. Flywheel : [referring to an evening gown]  This is a bright red dress, but Technicolor is sooo expensive.

• Henry's Wife : [to Flywheel lying on a bed]  Can you tell me the price of this bed?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : $8,000.

  Henry's Wife : Why that's preposterous! I can get the same bed anywhere in town for $25.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Yes, but not with me in it!

• [Wolf is about to propose to Martha] 

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Martha, dear, there are many bonds that will hold us together through eternity.

  Martha Phelps : Really, Wolf? What are they?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Your government bonds, your savings bonds, your liberty bonds.

• Wolf J. Flywheel : So, you didn't think I was a real detective, eh?

  Mr. Grover : Aw, if you're a detective, I'm a monkey's uncle.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Keep your family out of this!

• Mr. Grover : If Ms. Phelps were not my fiancée, I would turn in my resignation and walk out of this store for good!

  Martha Phelps : Oh no, no...

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Fiancée?

  Martha Phelps : Yes.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : You mean a woman of your culture and money and beauty and money and wealth and money would, would marry that imposter?

• Ravelli : I take-a your picture. Hey! Look at me and laugh.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : I've been doing that for 20 years.

• Martha Phelps : Tell me, Wolfie dear, will we have a beautiful home?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Of course. You're not planning on moving, are you?

  Martha Phelps : No, but, uh, I'm afraid after we're married awhile, a beautiful young girl will come along, and, uh, you'll forget all about me.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.

• Wolf J. Flywheel : This man's a cad! A yellow cad!

• Wolf J. Flywheel : [Flywheel lying in a bed in The Big Store, when Guiseppi, his wife, and their 12 children surround the bed. Flywheel sits up]  What other hobbies have you got?

  Guiseppi : Eh, we like-a to see something different in a bed.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : You would? Just press that button over by the davenport.

  Guiseppi : Where is the davenport?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : It's in Iowa.

• Wolf J. Flywheel : [Flywheel has mistaken the Hastings brothers for the killers and handcuffed them]  There you are. I give you the killers.

  Tommy Rogers : Why, it's the Hastings brothers, the men who are going to buy the store.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Gentlemen, I'm terribly sorry, but it's really not my fault. You certainly do look like crooks.

• Wolf J. Flywheel : [In "Sing While You Sell" number]  Come on, Wacky: Nagasaki!

• Martha Phelps : Whew! It's warm in here.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Funny, I don't feel it.

  Martha Phelps : Well, I do.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : [Speaking on an "intercom"]  Winthop, have the janitor come up and break a window.

• Wolf J. Flywheel : Miss Phelps, I'm turning down all offers to take your case. After all, you're a woman. You are a woman, aren't you?

• Martha Phelps : Tell me, what would you want to handle this case for me?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Twenty thousand dollars.

  Martha Phelps : Don't you think that's too much?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Of course it is, only a cheap chiseler would ask that much.

  Martha Phelps : I was prepared to pay five hundred dollars.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Hardly enough. Eh, I'm prepared to take it. Shall we bind the deal with a kiss? Or, five dollars in cash? You lose either way.

• Mr. Grover : What is this man? A detective? A floorwalker? Or, a poet?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : All three. And not bad at making love. Eh, Martha?

  [Tickles Martha's chin] 

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Woo-hoo!

• Wolf J. Flywheel : Hey, what's the difficulty here?

  Guiseppi : Look, I no get excited like-a my wife; but, I come in here with twelve-a kids and now there only six. What happened my six kids?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : What are their draft numbers?

  Guiseppi : Look-a there only six-a kids and I know I gotta twelve-a kids!

  Wolf J. Flywheel : Twelve kids, eh? How much you make a week?

  Guiseppi : Eh, eh, twenty-five dollars.

  Wolf J. Flywheel : You can't afford to have twelve kids!

  Guiseppi : No tell me what I can ford! The only thing I know-a is, I gotta twelve-a kids and now there only six!

  Wolf J. Flywheel : My good man, statistics prove it costs five dollars a week to provide for a child. Twelve times five is sixty dollars. You only make twenty-five dollars a week! Its economically impossible for you to have twelve children!

• Tommy Rogers : We can have a party, just like they do in Hollywood.

  Ravelli : That's-a fine! Let there be wine!

  Wolf J. Flywheel : And women!

  Ravelli : And song!

  Wolf J. Flywheel : And women!

  Ravelli : And caviar!

  Wolf J. Flywheel : And women!

  Ravelli : And more women!

• Wolf J. Flywheel : [to Martha]  I told you in the first reel he was a crook!

• Martha Phelps : Where did you ever learn to write such beautiful poetry?

  Wolf J. Flywheel : I worked 5 years for Burma Shave.