- Advisor: Now, what subjects would you like to study?
- Dobie Gillis: Well, I don't rightly know.
- Advisor: What are you interested in?
- Dobie Gillis: Women.
- Advisor: [pauses] Perhaps you'd like to study obstetrics.
- Dobie Gillis: No, I'm not *that* interested.
- Charlie Trask: Kid, I'm with you. I heard what you told the old guy. You're hip! You know what I mean? You're plugged in.
- Dobie Gillis: I have a theory. There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who enjoy. The way I look at it, workers ought to work and enjoyers ought to enjoy.
- Dobie Gillis: Gee, I don't know, sir. I think the way the people use a language is the right way and if the rules says no, then the rule ought to be changed.
- Professor Amos Pomfritt: In the 25 years that I have devoted to this underpaid profession of teaching, I have heard many an asinine outburst but never one so asinine as yours. I can only assume that your recent passage through puberty has affected your mind, for you, sir, are a presumptuous driveler, a cretinous barbarian, a thick-tongued oaf, an ill-bred churl, and in the future, you will be good enough to keep your mindless opinions to yourself!
- Mrs. Eleanor Hammer: [singing] All I do is dream of you, The whole night through, With the dawn, I still go on, And dream of you, You're every thought, you're everything, You're every song I ever sing...
- Professor Amos Pomfritt: If you two would be kind enough to take your grubby little hands off of each other, I should like to commence my lecture.
- Mrs. Eleanor Hammer: I've got a bulletin for you, old boy: young women are interested in young men. Its the nature of the beast.
- Pansy Hammer: Wowee! Dobie, look at that will you?
- Dobie Gillis: Yeah.
- Pansy Hammer: Look at that. Did you ever see anything so built in your whole life?
- Dobie Gillis: Yeah!
- George Hammer: Look, Pansy is a young, impressionable girl. Her mind is still being formed. We must nurture it carefully until it's strong enough to grow by itself.
- Mrs. Eleanor Hammer: Like a little flower?
- George Hammer: Precisely.
- George Hammer: He's a maniac! He's a public menace.
- Professor Amos Pomfritt: Oh, now, George, he's not as bad as all that.
- George Hammer: What?
- Professor Amos Pomfritt: I think we should let Pansy go out with him.
- George Hammer: You trust your daughter with that - that Jack the Ripper?
- Charlie Trask: Tell her the truth. Tell her you hate work. Tell her I hate work. Tell her Lorna hates work. Tell her we get fun out of having fun.
- Dobie Gillis: We'll work all night!
- Pansy Hammer: Here in the lab? But, Dobie, they don't allow students in the classrooms at night, especially students of mixed sexes.
- Lorna Ellingboe: [singing] There's them that does, And them that don't, And them that says they will, but won't, So if Satan tempts you, Hold on tight...