The League of Gentlemen (1960)

David Lodge: C.S.M.

Quotes 

• Mycroft : [playing a Brigadier inspecting the training camp in response to some private who has 'complained to his MP' regarding the food] 

  [enters Mess Hall] 

  Mycroft : Carry on eating. Any complaints here?

  Captain Saunders : Come along now. Answer the Brigadier.

  Other Private in Mess : No, Sir.

  Mycroft : You're, um, quite satisfied with the food. You can speak quite freely.

  Chunky Grogan : Well, er, no, Sir. Not always, Sir.

  [CSM gives a menacing look] 

  Mycroft : What exactly don't you like about it?

  Chunky Grogan : Well, er, they sometimes give you good grub, sir, but, er, they mess it about like.

  Mycroft : How do you mean, mess it about?

  Chunky Grogan : Well, take Sunday, Sir. I mean, er, we had a fair whack of the old roast and that and gravy and stuff, but they messed it about like. You know.

  Mycroft : Specifically?

  Chunky Grogan : Beg your pardon sir?

  Mycroft : What did they do to it?

  Chunky Grogan : Oh1 Oh, well, I'm not a cook am I? I only go by what I taste, like, and, er, it didn't taste right, see. It sort of tasted like they'd messed it about, like.

  Mycroft : What's this man's name?

  Captain Saunders : Mmm?

  C.S.M. : Grogan, Sir.

  Mycroft : That's all, is it?

  Chunky Grogan : Well, that was only last Sunday, sir.

  Mycroft : What about today's meal?

  Chunky Grogan : Oh, well, very fair, sir. You know, if you like eggs. I mean, they're not great favourites of mine, but, er, you've gotta eat them to keep your strength up, like.

  Mycroft : [sucks air through teeth]  Yes.

  [walks off with entourage] 

  Other Private in Mess : [other privates at table congratulate worthy Grogan, clapping him on the back]  Well done, Rolly.

  Chunky Grogan : Well, bleedin' asked me, didn't he?