- Blondie: You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.
- [Tuco is in a bubble bath. The One Armed Man enters the room]
- One Armed Man: I've been looking for you for 8 months. Whenever I should have had a gun in my right hand, I thought of you. Now I find you in exactly the position that suits me. I had lots of time to learn to shoot with my left.
- [Tuco kills him with the gun he has hidden in the foam]
- Tuco: When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
- Tuco: [in the cave where his friends Pedro, Chico and Ramon are hiding] If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?
- Blondie: I'll keep the money and you can have the rope.
- Tuco: You filthy, double-crossing bastard! Of all the stinking, dirty tricks...
- Blondie: The way back to town is only 70 miles. You know, if you save your breath, I feel a man like you could manage it. Adiós.
- Tuco: You-you-you filthy bastard! Come here! Come here! Take -cut this rope off! Get off that horse. Get off that horse! You filthy coward! If I ever catch you, l'll rip your heart out and eat it! I'll skin you alive! I'll hang you up by your thumbs. You thief! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
- Blondie: [clicks his tongue] Such ingratitude, after all the times I've saved your life.
- Blondie: [counting Angel Eyes' men] One, two, three, four, five, six. Six. Perfect number.
- Angel Eyes: Huh. Isn't three the perfect number?
- Blondie: Mm... yeah. But I've got six more bullets in my gun.
- Tuco: [thinking the cavalry they've met are Confederate] Hurrah! Hurrah for the Confederacy! HURRAH! Down with General Grant! Hurrah for General... what's his name?
- Blondie: Lee.
- Tuco: Lee! LEE! Ha ha! God is with us because he hates the Yanks too. HURRAH!
- Blondie: [spits] God's not on our side because he hates *idiots* also.
- [the commander of the cavalry patrol they've met reveals his blue uniform]
- Tuco: There are two kinds of spurs, my friend. Those that come in by the door; those that come in by the window.
- Tuco: [to his brother the priest] While I'm waiting for the Lord to remember me, I, Tuco Ramirez, brother of "Brother" Ramirez will tell you something! You think you're better than I am... where we came from, if one did not want to die in poverty, one became a priest or a bandit! You chose your way, I chose mine. *Mine* was harder! You talk about Mother and Father... you forget that when you left to become a priest *I* stayed behind! I must have been ten, twelve, I don't remember which, but *I stayed*! I tried, but it was no good! Now I'm going to tell you something... you became a priest because you were too much of a coward to do what *I* do!
- [Pablo strikes Tuco across the face. Tuco retaliates with a right hook that sends Pablo crashing into various items. Tuco heads for the doorway]
- Father Pablo Ramirez: Tuco...
- [Tuco pauses at the doorway, then, without turning around, gives a dismissive wave and exits. Pablo stares ruefully after him]
- Father Pablo Ramirez: Please forgive me, brother.
- Tuco: I never hurt anybody!
- Officer: ...wanted in 14 counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of the crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices, the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and, contrary to the laws of this state, the condemned is guilty of using marked cards...
- Tuco: [to Corporal Wallace] I like big fat men like you. When they fall they make more noise. And sometimes they never get up.
- Tuco: I'm very happy you are working with me! And we're together again.
- [pause]
- Tuco: I get dressed, I kill him and be right back.
- Blondie: Listen, I forgot to mention... He's not alone. There's five of 'em.
- Tuco: Five?
- Blondie: Yeah, five of 'em.
- Tuco: So, that's why you came to Tuco.
- [pause]
- Tuco: It doesn't matter, I'll kill them all.
- Tuco: There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting.
- [a dying man has information Tuco wants]
- Tuco: Don't die, I'll get you water. Stay there. Don't move, I'll get you water. Don't die until later.
- Tuco: You never had a rope around your neck. Well, I'm going to tell you something. When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the Devil bite your ass.
- Tuco: You want to know who you are? Huh? You want to know whose son you are? You don't, I do, everybody does. You're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you. And your mother? Your mother - you bastard! Your mother, it's better not to talk of her. I never hurt anybody!
- Blondie: [With Tuco's gun pointed at him, Blondie has no choice but to let his new partner hang] Sorry, Shorty.
- Blondie: If you shoot me, you won't see a cent of that money.
- Angel Eyes: [frowning] Why?
- Blondie: I'll tell you why.
- [Blondie kicks the coffin lid open]
- Blondie: Cause there's nothin' in here!
- Tuco: I'm looking for the owner of that horse. He's tall, blonde, he smokes a cigar, and he's a pig!
- Alcoholic Union Captain: Whoever has the most liquor to get the soldiers drunk and send them to be slaughtered, he's the winner.
- Blondie: It's not a joke, it's a rope, Tuco. Now I want you to get up there and put your head in that noose.
- Baker: Here, this is for you. You did a good job for me. Worth five hundred dollars,
- [hands over a purse]
- Angel Eyes: Oh I almost forgot. He gave me a thousand. I think his idea was that I kill you.
- [they both laugh]
- Angel Eyes: But you know the pity is when I'm paid, I always follow my job through. You know that.
- Baker: Noo! Angel Eyes!
- [Angel Eyes presses a pillow over Baker's face and shoots him through it]
- [as they set out across the desert]
- Tuco: What was it you told me the last time? Ah, yes..."If you save your breath I feel a man like you can manage it." And if you won't manage it, you'll die... only slowly. *Very* slowly, old friend.
- Blondie: You may run the risks, my friend, but I do the cutting. We cut down my percentage - uh, cigar? - liable to interfere with my aim.
- Tuco: But if you miss you had better miss very well. Whoever double-crosses me and leaves me alive, he understands nothing about Tuco. Nothing!
- [Chuckles, bites cigar]
- Tuco: [tied up and laying on the porch of the sheriff's office, after being dumped there by Blondie as he walks in to collect his bounty money... then, the sheriff walk out] Who the hell is that? One bastard goes in, another comes out!
- Angel Eyes: [Tuco is about to be hanged] Even a filthy beggar like that has got a protecting angel.
- [He sees Blondie watching]
- Angel Eyes: A golden-haired angel watches over him
- Tuco: [trying to read a grave that is marked "Unknown"] Unk-... unk-... there's no name on it.
- Blondie: [showing him the stone the name was supposed to be written on stone] There's no name here, either. See, that's what Bill Carson told me... it was the grave marked "Unknown" right beside Arch Stanton.
- Jackson: [trying to tell in which grave the gold is hidden] There's no number... there's a name... it's written...
- [chokes and gasps a couple of times, then]
- Jackson: Water!
- Tuco: You talk first, I'll give you water later! Sad Hill Cemetery, okay, in the grave okay! But it must have a name or a number on it! There must be a thousand, five thousand!
- One-armed Union soldier: [Wallace and Tuco are at the train station, handcuffed together] Hey, corporal, afraid he'll get lost? Where's the Rebel going?
- Cpl. Wallace: To Hell, with a rope around his neck and a price on his head.
- Tuco: Yeah... three thousand dollars, friend. That's a lot of money for a head.
- [He flips the soldier's empty sleeve]
- Tuco: I bet they didn't even pay you a penny for your arm.
- Alcoholic Union Captain: You've got every qualification to become expert in the use of weapons.
- [swinging a bottle of booze]
- Alcoholic Union Captain: This is the most potent weapon in war! The fighting spirit is in this bottle!
- Tuco: Ah, my belly's full. Nice guy, my brother. I didn't tell you my brother was in charge here? Everything. Like the Pope, almost. He's in charge in Rome. Yeah, yeah, my brother, he say to me, "Stay, brother, don't go home. We never see each other. Here, there's plenty to eat and drink. Bring your friend, too." Whenever we see each other, he never lets me go. It's always the same story. My brother, he's crazy about me.
- [His tone becomes wistful]
- Tuco: That's so... even a tramp like me, no matter what happens, I know there's a brother somewhere who'll never refuse me... a bowl of soup.
- Bounty Hunter: [three bounty hunters have cornered Tuco] No! No pistol, amigo! It won't do you any good. There are three of us!
- Mexican Bounty Hunter: [holding a wanted poster] Hey, amigo! You know you got a face beautiful enough to be worth $2000?
- Blondie: [from behind them] Yeah, but you don't look like the one who'll collect it.
- [Lights a cigar]
- Blondie: A couple steps back.
- [the bounty hunters draw their guns but Blondie guns down all three]
- Blondie: If your friends stay out in the damp, they're liable to catch a cold aren't they... or a bullet.
- Tuco: I would like to piss, it's rough. I've been shaking up in this train nearly ten hours now.
- Cpl. Wallace: You smell like a pig already. Let's try not to make things any worse.
- [He shoves Tuco to the carriage door]
- Cpl. Wallace: Get going.
- [Tuco stands at the edge of the carriage and pauses]
- Tuco: I can't while you're watching me.
- Tuco: [to Corporal Wallace] I told you once, friend, if I ever get you down, you're going to need a lot of help to get back up again!
- [Tuco spits on the ground as he's carried into town. His hands are tied behind on his back, and he's slung over Blondie's horse like a rug]
- Tuco: ¡Hijo de una puta que te parió! You'll pay for this! I hope you end up in a graveyard, with the cholera and the rabies and the plague! Cut me loose! Cut me loose, you filthy bastard! Put me down! I hope your mother ends up in a two-dollar whorehouse! Cut me loose! Cut me loose!
- [Blondie arrives at the Sheriff's office]
- Tuco: Let me go, and I'll pardon you. Let me go! I think I feel sick. The blood is bursting through my...
- [Blondie pulls Tuco off the horse and holds him against an awning beam]
- Tuco: I'm dry, Blondie. Water...
- [He spits in Blondie's face and laughs giddily. Blondie slaps him]
- Tuco: Hey! Hey everybody look! He's giving him the filthy money! Judas! You sold my hide! But you won't enjoy any of that money, not a penny. If there's justice, that money will go to the undertakers! Every penny of it, huh.
- Alcoholic Union Captain: You'll all turn to dust, but one thing is sure, boys, Branston Bridge will stand unbroken.
- Tuco: [Sitting by the dry, dehydrated Blondie's bedside, desperately begging him to tell him what name is on the grave the gold is buried in] I... I must tell you the truth, Blondie. In my place, you would do the same thing. It's all over for you now. There's nothing anyone can do any more.
- [Covers his face to stifle a fake sob]
- Tuco: Oh, God, forgive me! It's my fault!
- [He beats the sides of his head in mock despair and frustration]
- Tuco: Mine, mine, mine, mine! I'll tell you one thing, Blondie. If I knew that my last hour had come, I swear, in my place... in your place I would do the same thing. I would tell about the gold. Yes, yes, I would. I would tell the name on the grave. What good is the money if you're dead? I know the name of the cemetery. But you know how many graves there are there? Please. Blondie, please. Have a little... coffee? Please, tell me the name. On... on the grave. If I get my hands on the 200,000 dollars, I'll always honour your memory. I swear, I'll always honour your memory.
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What is the streaming release date of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) in Australia?
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