- Major John Reisman: [Kinder has just finished a psychiatric evaluation of Reisman's troops] So what does that give you?
- Capt. Stuart Kinder: Doesn't give me anything. But along with these other results, it gives *you* just about the most twisted, anti-social bunch of psychopathic deformities I have ever run into! And the worst, the most dangerous of the bunch, is Maggott. You've got one religious maniac, one malignant dwarf, two near-idiots... and the rest I don't even wanna think about!
- Major John Reisman: Well, I can't think of a better way to fight a war.
- Capt. Stuart Kinder: These people don't know their enemy is the Germans. They think the enemy is their own United States Army!
- Major John Reisman: Maybe that's because the Germans haven't done anything to them yet.
- Major John Reisman: Any questions?
- Maggot: Suh? Do we have to eat with niggahs?
- [Jefferson jumps Maggot]
- Sergeant Clyde Bowren: [as Reisman exits the room] : What's going on, sir?
- Major John Reisman: Oh, the gentleman from the South had a question about the dining arrangements. He and his comrades are discussing place settings now.
- Major John Reisman: One.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Down to the road block, we've just begun.
- Major John Reisman: Two.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: The guards are through.
- Major John Reisman: Three
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: The Major's men are on a spree.
- Major John Reisman: Four
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Major and Wladislaw go through the door.
- Major John Reisman: Five
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Pinkley stays out in the drive.
- Major John Reisman: Six.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: The Major gives the rope a fix.
- Major John Reisman: Seven.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Wladislaw throws the hook to heaven.
- Major John Reisman: Eight.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Jimenez has got a date.
- Major John Reisman: Nine.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: The other guys go up the line.
- Major John Reisman: Ten.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Sawyer and Gilpin are in the pen.
- Major John Reisman: Eleven.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Posey guards points five and seven.
- Major John Reisman: Twelve.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Wladislaw and the Major go down to delve...
- Major John Reisman: Thirteen.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Franko goes up without being seen.
- Major John Reisman: Fourteen.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Zero-hour... Jimenez cuts the cable; Franko cuts the phone.
- Major John Reisman: Fifteen.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: Franko goes in where the others have been.
- Major John Reisman: Sixteen.
- Samson Posey, Joseph T. Wladislaw, Victor R. Franko, Maggot, Pinkley, Robert Jefferson, Tassos Bravos, Pedro Jiminez, Glenn Gilpin: We all come out like it's Halloween.
- Major John Reisman: You've seen a general inspecting troops before haven't you? Just walk slow, act dumb and look stupid!
- Major John Reisman: Which one of you guys wants to be a general?
- [to Pinkley]
- Major John Reisman: Pinkley?
- Pinkley: What kind of general, sir?
- Major John Reisman: Just a plain, ordinary, every day, home-lovin' American general.
- Pinkley: I'd rather be a civilian, sir.
- Major John Reisman: Posey, what did they lock you up for? I mean, what did you do?
- Samson Posey: I already told you that sir.
- Major John Reisman: Well tell me again. I'm sure your friends over here would like to know too.
- Samson Posey: This fella kept pushing me. I don't like t be pushed so I hit him.
- Major John Reisman: Killed a man with your bare hands because he shoved you?
- Samson Posey: I only hit him once.
- Major John Reisman: Only him him once. And drove his jawbone right through his brain because he pushed him.
- Col. Everett Dasher Breed: Reisman! Some people may consider you a first-class officer. But as far as I'm concerned, you're a disorganized, undisciplined clown. I'm gonna' make it my business to run you out of this Army.
- Major John Reisman: I owe you an apology, colonel. I always thought that you were a cold, unimaginative, tight-lipped officer. But you're really quite emotional, aren't you?
- Major John Reisman: [briefing the dozen] And kill any officer in sight.
- Victor R. Franko: Ours or theirs?
- Major John Reisman: Well, let's start out with theirs, huh?
- Victor R. Franko: Hey! What's the matter with you? You think I want to die? Ha! If you think that then you don't know Victor Franko.
- Major John Reisman: How come you speak German?
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: My old man came from Silesia. He didn't speak German, he didn't dig coal. If he didn't dig coal, he didn't eat.
- Major John Reisman: What do you think, Sergeant?
- Sergeant Clyde Bowren: I think you'll do just fine, sir.
- Major John Reisman: [emphatically] Don't give me that! I said what do you think?
- Sergeant Clyde Bowren: I think the first chance one of those lovers gets, he's going to shoot the Major right in the head... sir.
- Maj. Gen. Worden: This war was *not* started for your private gratification, and you can be damned sure it's not being run for your personal convenience, either!
- Samson Posey: I don't want to hurt you Major.
- Major John Reisman: You're not gonna hurt me, I'm gonna hurt you.
- Major John Reisman: And where is Donald Duck?
- Samson Posey: Donald Duck's down at the crossroads with a machine gun.
- Major John Reisman: He'd better not be asleep or we all be in trouble, huh!
- Sergeant Clyde Bowren: [Sergeant Bowren is introducing the prisoners for Major Reisman] Franko, V.R.; death by hanging. Vladek, M.; thirty years hard labor. Jefferson, R. T.; death by hanging. Pinkley, V.L.; thirty years imprisonment. Gilpin, S.; thirty years hard labor. Posey, S.; death by hanging. Wladislaw, T.; death by hanging. Sawyer, S. K.; twenty years hard labor. Lever, R.; twenty years imprisonment. Bravos, T.R.; twenty years hard labor. Jiminez, J.P.; twenty years hard labor. Maggott, A.J.; death by hanging.
- Gen. Denton: Major Reisman is heading toward a court martial of his own. He's the most ill-mannered, ill-disciplined officer that it's ever been my displeasure to meet.
- Maj. Gen. Worden: You think so, Denton? You may be right. But he's sure right about one thing. Somebody up there must be a raving lunatic.
- Gen. Denton: I take it you don't deny your responsibility for the fact that on the night of April 14/15, a military establishment of the United States Army was the scene of a drunken party! At which no less than seven female civilians took an active part!
- Major John Reisman: [deadpan] Oh yes, sir, they took an active part.
- [Gen. Worden muffles a laugh]
- Capt. Stuart Kinder: [while the dozen are cavorting with the prostitutes in the guards' barracks] I wonder if any of them even know it's Mother's Day.
- Major John Reisman: [glances at Kinder and pauses briefly] Is it?
- [after being given his mission]
- Maj. Gen. Worden: What do you say, Major?
- Major John Reisman: lt confirms a suspicion l've had for some time now, sir.
- Maj. Gen. Worden: Think we might share that suspicion? l think you should.
- Major John Reisman: Since we are over here to try to win the war, it shouldn't be advertised that someone we work for is a raving lunatic.
- Major John Reisman: [after going through the 16 steps of the mission on the plane, someone says Seventeen] Seventeen. D-day. We get out as best we can and make our way to the coast. And hope that the entire invasion hasn't been a total disaster. Otherwise, we got a long swim home.
- [Wladislaw ready to head back to the truck, but suddenly, the two are in the way]
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: You're in the way.
- [Clayton pushes Wladislaw]
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: What's the matter with you, guys?
- [Blake pushes Wladislaw]
- Staff Sergeant McIntosh Blake: Listen, Buster.
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: Keep your hands off me!
- Staff Sergeant Alistair Clayton: Now, take it easy. We're just want to ask a few questions.
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: Questions, huh?
- [Wladislaw punched Blake in the nose. Missed the punch on Clayton]
- Staff Sergeant Alistair Clayton: Hold him! Hold him!
- [Wladislaw knocked his elbow at Blake in the chest. And Wladislaw punch Clayton]
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: You son of a...
- [Wladislaw was unable to get away. Blake hold him. Clayton punched Wladislaw in the stomach]
- Staff Sergeant McIntosh Blake: In the gut, so it don't show. That's the way!
- [Wladislaw was hurt in the floor]
- Staff Sergeant McIntosh Blake: Now, talk, you bastard. Who the hell are you?
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: Number 9, you crumb.
- Staff Sergeant Alistair Clayton: Number 9?
- [Kicked Wladislaw]
- Staff Sergeant McIntosh Blake: You gonna tell us or not?
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: Go to hell.
- Staff Sergeant Alistair Clayton: Hold him.
- [Clayton and Blake trying to hold Wladislaw to interrogate him]
- Staff Sergeant Alistair Clayton: What the hell are your dog tags?
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: I ate them.
- Staff Sergeant Alistair Clayton: You ate them?
- [Clayton abuses and slaps Wladislaw in the face]
- Staff Sergeant McIntosh Blake: You gotta tell us now?
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: Yeah. Yeah.
- [Refuses to tell and fight back at Clayton]
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: Number 9!
- Samson Posey: Wladislaw!
- [Posey and Jefferson coming to rescue and they both going to stop Clayton and Blake. They starting to fight each other. Blake hit the helmet of Posey]
- Staff Sergeant McIntosh Blake: Ah!
- [And damage Blake's hand. But Posey punched back at Blake and got hit by the water sink pipes. Clayton missed the punch. Jefferson knock Clayton in the stomach and face with a helmet. And Jefferson punched Clayton in the face and got hit at the back of the toilet and flush it. And Jefferson turned to Wladislaw and helped him along with Posey]
- Robert Jefferson: What happened?
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: They tried to make me talk.
- [Clayton and Blake goes to sleep. Jefferson and Posey takes his friend Wladislaw back to the truck]
- Maj. Gen. Worden: Either ask relevant questions or shut up!
- Major John Reisman: Would it be relevant to ask why I'm being offered this mission?
- Maj. Gen. Worden: It's not, as you say, being "offered".
- Major John Reisman: I'm volunteering?
- Maj. Gen. Worden: Exactly, major! You know, I'm glad you look at these things so realistically.
- Maj. Gen. Worden: I don't go for this behind-the-lines nonsense. As far as I'm concerned, a soldier's job is to wear his uniform and kill the enemy.
- Major John Reisman: I don't mean to appear unduly cautious; but, if my personal survival is going to depend upon the performance of 12 deadheads, it might be helpful to know exactly what I am to train them for.
- Maj. Gen. Worden: Now, that's a very good question, Major. Armbruster, let's have the basic outline.
- Major Max Armbruster: Yes, sir. The Germans are using a large chateau near Rennes in Brittany as a rest center and a conference place for general staff officers. The target has no real military value in itself but what with these conferences, discussion groups, and the like going on all the time, there's hardly a day when there aren't a considerable number of important general officers in residence. Usually with the benefit of female companionship. Eliminating a sufficient number of senior officers couldn't help but have the effect of disrupting their chain of command. So, the idea is simply that our men are dropped by parachute. They enter the chateau and kill as many senior officers as is possible in the time available. Naturally, the place is fortified and - heavily guarded.
- Major John Reisman: Naturally.
- Maggot: They're not gonna hang me, Major. I never raped that evil slut! Or, any other - creature. The Lord gave me that woman and told me to chastise her.
- Major John Reisman: Then he told you to beat her to death, huh?
- Maggot: I only do what I'm called on to do. I was in a state of grace. And that - woman - she tried to soil my spirit.
- Gen. Denton: Project Amnesty: You will select 12 general prisoners convicted and sentenced to death or long-terms of imprisonment for murder, rape, robbery, and/or other crimes of violence and so for. Train and qualify these prisoners in as much as the business of behind-the-lines operations, as they can absorb in a brief but unspecified time. You will then deliver them secretly into European mainland and just prior to the invasion attack and destroy the target specified: Overleaf.
- Major John Reisman: That's all?
- Gen. Denton: That's all.
- Maggot: "Vengeance is mine. I will repay, sayeth the Lord." Paul to the Romans, Chapter 12.
- Major John Reisman: Exactly. Now, isn't that supposed to mean that we leave punishment of the transgressors to his capable hands?
- Maggot: That's right, Major! That's exactly what it means. But it doesn't restrict him to the kind of tools he would use, now does it? And like I told you, Major, I only do what I'm called on to do.
- Corporal Morgan: Hey, midnight, be a real good boy, now, and maybe I'll let you eat with the white folks tomorrow.
- Robert Jefferson: Arghhhh!
- [smiles, then laughs]
- Major John Reisman: You've all volunteered for a mission which gives you just three ways to go: you can foul up in training and be sent back here for immediate execution of sentence or you can foul up in combat in which case I'll blow your brains out or you can do as you're told, in which case you might just get by. You must not attempt to escape. There will be no excuses, there will be no appeal. Any breach of either of these conditions by any one of you, means that you will all be shipped right back here for immediate execution of sentence. You are therefore dependent upon each other. Any one of you try anything smart and the 12 of you get it right in the head.
- Maggot: It's true that I've been blessed with an insight into women that others don't have. And sometimes - well, sometimes I'm called upon to use it in our beloved Master's will.
- Major John Reisman: You're still the dirtiest soldiers in this man's army and you're getting filthier every day.
- Tassos Bravos: [listening to the radio] Hey, Wladislaw, you understand German. Who's that dame singing about?
- Joseph T. Wladislaw: Well, it's about a very lonely girl who's sick and tired of war and being left alone. Waiting for her man to come home.
- Maggot: Keep that cheap, wailing slut quiet!
- Capt. Stuart Kinder: Why do you hate Major Reisman so much?
- Maggot: There are 11 evil men out there and they must be punished for their wickedness. And this Major Reisman, he just snatched them up from the brink of the pit, and he cheated the Master of his vengeance.
- Sergeant Clyde Bowren: Since we are not going to wash anymore or shave anymore, that means that we are going to have that much more time - for work. Right? So now, if you - you "dirty dozen" have no objections we will get our equipment and we will start in - right now. Attention!