On the Buses Poster

(1969–1973)

Episode List

 OR 

1971

1 Jan. 1971
The 'L' Bus
Stan needs to transport Arthur and Olive's new bed to the house so he uses the 'L' bus,the passenger-free bus used to train drivers. However it breaks down and the bed needs to be transferred to another bed at the depot. Stan locks Blakey in whilst the transfer is being made but after being hit on the hit with the mattress Blakey charges Stan parcel rate for carrying the bed - the equivalent of thirty parcels.
 
10 Jan. 1971
The Kids' Outing
Blakey takes sadistic pleasure in making Stan and Jack man the bus for the dreaded kids' outing,which gets off to a bad start when Blakey accuses Stan of giving his nephew a girlie magazine. The kids put sugar in the petrol tank and the exhaust drops off, requiring Stan to do a drag act to amuse the kids whilst the bus is being mended.
 
17 Jan. 1971
The Anniversary
As a tenth anniversary present Aunt Maud sends Olive and Arthur a dog, which Olive names Scruffy,but he eats Arthur's food and gives him a sneezing allergy,so Olive takes him back to Aunt Maud by bus. The dog goes for Blakey,tearing his trousers, and he fines Olive a fiver,but Jack anticipates that if they have a whip-round at the depot everyone will want to support the dog that bit the inspector.
 
24 Jan. 1971
Cover Up
The chairs in the Butler house need to be re-upholstered so Stan smuggles material used for the bus seats out of the depot. All goes well until Blakey drops by and the covers have to be covered up,though eventually Blakey tells Stan he knew what was going on and charges him for the fabric.
 
31 Jan. 1971
Safety First
After Stan has had to apply the brakes quickly,causing a big woman passenger to fall on top of him, Blakey devises a new exit and entry system for the buses to leave and return to the depot. Unfortunately Stan forgets this and crashes into Blakey's office. The inspector feels Stan should be fired but union rep Jack points out that he was only following Blakey's orders.
 
7 Feb. 1971
The Lodger
To make money the family takes a lodger, Mr. Nichols,the new transport manager, and of course he is in Stan's room. Olive's innocent suggestion that he can have anything he wants when Arthur is out is misunderstood,leading to his eviction. Stan vows never to have another lodger,thereby turning down the opportunity to give a room to an attractive young lady.
 
14 Feb. 1971
The Injury
Stan has an accident, sustaining an injury to his foot. Unfortunately for him, since it happened at home and not at work, he is told that he is not entitled to any form of compensation. Jack has an idea - to re-stage the accident at work so that Stan can make his claim. Sadly for them - and him - Blakey has the accident instead.
 
21 Feb. 1971
Not Tonight
Stan's baser instincts are aroused when he sees Stella, the new canteen girl,bending over to clean the tables. He starts to date her but ends up by lending her money for her rent and fails to get her to stay the night. Ultimately he comes to see that she has been using him,spending the money on smart clothes in order to get a job in the general manager's office. She therefore feels it inappropriate to be seen going out with a mere bus driver.
 
19 Sep. 1971
The Nursery
As an aid to married conductresses with small children, the bus company opens a creche,run by a formidable elderly nurse. Stan suggests that Olive would be suitable as the nurse's assistant,though Olive is not especially competent and when she breaks her glasses then Stan and Jack have to look after the babies for her.
 
26 Sep. 1971
Stan's Room
Despite being a full-grown man Stan still has to try and smuggle women into his room behind the backs of his disapproving Mum and sneaking Arthur so he rents a room at Blakey's house. Unfortunately Blakey is just as strict when Stan tries to sneak a girlfriend into his room and, when Mum gets ill, Stan decides he is no better off with Blakey and returns home.
 
3 Oct. 1971
The Best Man
Stan is to be the best man when his friend Bill marries Sally, Blakey's niece. However Stan and Jack get as drunk as Bill on the stag night and wake up the whole house trying to perfect a cure for hang-overs. Stan puts the ring on his finger to ensure it does not get lost but ends up by swallowing it and the bride has to borrow a ring from Olive while Blakey suggests Stan stops off at casualty on his way to the reception.
 
10 Oct. 1971
The Inspector's Pets
Blakey is taking his mother to Brighton so the Butlers agree to look after his tank of tropical fish and his pedigree dachshund bitch Mitzi.The tank gets broken but Stan replaces it with one made from the bus windscreen and the fish are safe so Blakey does not notice the difference. However,Arthur has let Mitzi play with the pub's - male - Dalmatian and she has put on weight by the time Blakey reclaims her.
 
17 Oct. 1971
The Epidemic
There is a massive epidemic of the flu and many of the bus crews are down with it,which is good news for Stan and Jack as they are making a lot of money out of over-time. Stan has to be careful because the flu has now hit the Butler household and, whilst his new found wealth allows him to treat a young lady to a night on the town,it is not long before he too succumbs to the virus.
 
24 Oct. 1971
The Busmen's Ball
It's the annual bus crew's ball and,to Blakey's displeasure, Stan and Jack have booked a stripper they saw at a local pub. Furthermore the man in whose lap her panties land gets to take them backstage to return to her. Olive's dress needs altering which involves trying to smuggle a tailor's dummy on the bus but eventually she and the rest of the family go to the dance. Poor Olive gets some unwanted attention when the panties land in her lap and a load of men rush her but Stan manages to pocket them and go backstage for his reward.
 
31 Oct. 1971
Canteen Trouble
Canteen manageress Suzy seems to be favoring Jack and Stan over Blakey and giving them considerably larger portions of food than him so he gets rid of her and replaces her with the austere ex-prison officer Gladys. But she too has needs and when Stan tries to charm her in order to get extra food he discovers exactly what they are. Eventually Blakey gets rid of her too and installs a vending machine.
 
7 Nov. 1971
The New Nurse
Mary, the rather prim and proper new nurse at the depot,is in need of lodgings and Stan's Mum offers her the front room. Arthur is immediately taken by her refinement and her taste in art house films and, to the amazement of the household and dismay of Olive, takes her out. Mary, however, is not into dating married men and does the decent thing, dropping Arthur and moving out of the house.
 
14 Nov. 1971
Lost Property
When Blakey insists forms are filled in for all lost property found on the buses Jack and Stan 'find'a truss, a pair of panties and a chamber pot to embarrass him. Then Stan finds an envelope as he is about to knock off and takes it home. Blakey rings to say it contains a diamond,which gets lost and turns up in Olive's corn plaster. Stan is grateful that Blakey kept his name out of things for taking the envelope home until he learns that Blakey claimed the reward for finding the diamond.
 
21 Nov. 1971
Stan's Uniform
Stan gets his uniform dirty unblocking the sink and, though he should really pay twenty-four pounds for a new one,Jack persuades Blakey to let him have one for free. Unfortunately this gets covered in paint and when an extra strong cleaning fluid is applied to it it rips it to shreds. Stan makes do with an old one from a recently retired driver to be told by Blakey that he knew Stan would mess up the new uniform as soon as he got it.
 
28 Nov. 1971
The Strain
Stan wrenches his back and the doctor suggests he wear a corset. He is not helped by hearing Blakey say that wearing a corset ruined his brother's life and has to be helped into the cab. His girl-friend Doreen helps him off with the corset but he falls down and injures his back again. As she helps him upstairs he muses on the irony of being put to bed by a woman when he is incapable of capitalizing on it.
 
5 Dec. 1971
The New Telly
Stan makes a down payment on a new colour television set but,since the old black and white one is clapped out,he fears he will get very little money for it. The solution - sell it to Blakey. Whilst Blakey is watching the set in his office there is an explosion,injuring him. Stan is sure the set has blown up and so he spends the rest of his Christmas money on a colour set for Blakey. All the family gather at Blakey's bedside - not so much to wish him to get well as to watch the colour set.
 
12 Dec. 1971
Vacancy for Inspector
A vacancy comes up for an inspector and Blakey puts Jack's name forward. Stan feels betrayed until Jack points out to him that he will arrange for Stan to have limitless over-time as well as pairing him with nubile conductress Christine. The reality is very different, however, as the power goes to Jack's head and he informs on Stan to Blakey and Stan is mightily relieved when Jack is eventually demoted.
 
19 Dec. 1971
A Thin Time
Whilst Stan earns extra money by cleaning, the foolish Arthur falls for Beryl, a conductress who likes athletic men, particularly those with a full head of hair. In desperation he buys boxes of wigs, which are eventually discovered by the family, who mock him as a result. He puts one on in order to impress Beryl but his head gets stuck in the bus doors and the wig falls off.
 
26 Dec. 1971
Boxing Day Social
It's Boxing Day and Arthur's mother has come to stay, along with his sister Linda,who throws herself at all the men, including Jack. The two families go to the bus company's dance where Arthur warns Jack to keep away from Linda but is himself the object of desire for conductress Beryl, leading to Olive causing a scene. Later, as Blakey shows Arthur's mother around the depot, they catch Stan and Linda in a compromising position.
 

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