Robin Hood (1973)

Terry-Thomas: Sir Hiss - A Snake

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John] 

  Hiss : I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.

  [Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror] 

  Hiss : Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...

  [Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him] 

  Hiss : Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.

  Prince John : Ahh! Mommy!

  [sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it] 

  Prince John : I've got a dirty thumb.

• [the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing] 

  Sheriff of Nottingham : He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!

  [to Sir Hiss] 

  Sheriff of Nottingham : [speaking]  Am I right?

  Hiss : [chuckles]  That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.

  [lowers his voice] 

  Hiss : [singing]  Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!

  [sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels] 

  Hiss : The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.

  Sheriff of Nottingham : Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measly, Weaseling.

  Prince John : [shouts]  Enough!

  [throws the glass jug at the sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him] 

  Sheriff of Nottingham : But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.

  Prince John : Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!

  [grabs Sir Hiss by the neck] 

  Prince John : Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.

• [after being stuffed into a barrel full of ale] 

  Hiss : Please! Please! I don't drink!

• Hiss : A perfect fit, Sire! Looks most becoming! You look regal, dignified, sincere, masterful, noble...

  Prince John : Don't overdo it, Hiss!

• Little John : [after sitting on Hiss]  Oh, excuse me, Buster.

  Hiss : Buster? You, sir, have taken my seat!

  Prince John : [laughs]  Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester?

• Prince John : [Robin Hood and Skippy mocked Prince John after another trap failed]  Oh, no! It's so miserably unfair!

  Hiss : Well, I tried to tell you, but no, no, no. You wouldn't listen. Your traps just never work. And NOW look what you've done to your mother's castle.

  Prince John : [screams at the sight of his burning castle, with a stick in hand]  Mommy!

  [sucks his thumb and chases Sir Hiss] 

  Prince John : Hold still!

  Hiss : Sire, no!

  Prince John : You cowardly cobra! Procrastinating python! Aggravating asp!

  Hiss : Save me!

  Prince John : Ooh, you eel in snake's clothing!

  Hiss : Help! He's gone stark raving MAD!

• Prince John : One more hiss out of you uhm Hiss. And you are walking to Nottingham.

  Hiss : [to himself]  Snakes don't walk, they slither. Hmph. So there.

• Prince John : Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Ah-hah! Ah-hah!

  Hiss : Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging contributions from the poor.

  [chuckles] 

  Prince John : To coin a phrase, my dear counselor, rob the poor to give the rich.

• Prince John : Hiss! You're never around when I need you!

  Hiss : Coming, coming.

  [begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in] 

  Hiss : Oh! there you are, old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.

  Prince John : Robin Hood?

  [screams angrily] 

  Prince John : [ties Hiss around a pole] 

  Prince John : Get out of that, if you can.

• Prince John : Robbed! I've been robbed! Hiss! You're never around when I need you!

  [clears his throat] 

  Prince John : I've been robbed.

  Hiss : Of course you've been robbed!

• Hiss : [Prince John is sucking his thumb]  Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.

  [starts to hypnotize him] 

  Hiss : Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.

  Prince John : [Snaps out of it and screams]  No, no! None of that!

  Hiss : Well, I was only trying to help.

  Prince John : I wonder. Silly serpent.

  Hiss : Silly serpent?

• Hiss : How nobly King Richard's crown sits on your royal brow.

  Prince John : Doesn't it? King Richard?

  [wrings Hiss' neck] 

  Prince John : I told you never to mention my brother's name!

  Hiss : A mere slip of the forked tongue, Sire.

• Prince John : My trap is baited and set! And then, revenge! Ahh.

  [screams so loud it almost blows off Hiss' skin] 

  Prince John : Revenge!

  Hiss : Shh! Not so loud, sire! Remember, only you and I know, and your secret is my secret.

• Hiss : Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh, and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.

  Prince John : [Angry]  Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on... Did you say Friar Tuck?

  Hiss : Did I? Y-yes, I did.

  Prince John : Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.

  Hiss : Another trap?

  Prince John : Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.

  Hiss : B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?

  Prince John : Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric

  [laughs evilly] 

  Prince John : my men will be ready.

  [laughs evilly] 

• Hiss : What cheek! Creepy? Buster? Long one? Who does that dupey duke think he is?

• Hiss : Sire, sire, they may be bandits.

  Prince John : Oh, poppycock. Female bandits? What next? Rubbish. Um, um, my dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands. Whichever you like, first.

• Prince John : That insolent blackguard. Oooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!

  Hiss : I share your loathing, Sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look so utterly ridiculous.

  Prince John : Enough!

  [swings at Hiss, who dodges him] 

  Prince John : Hiss, you deliberately dodged.

  Hiss : But, but, but Sire, please.

  Prince John : Stop sniveling and hold still.

  [Hiss holds still while Prince John hits him] 

  Hiss : [dazed]  Thank you, Sire.

• Hiss : [hisses in Prince John's ear after Little John steals the diamonds from his rings] 

  Prince John : [screams and chuckles]  Hiss, oh, you have hissed your last hiss.

  Hiss : [gulps after his neck has been tied into a knot and has a dirty look after Prince John puts him in his basket] 

  Prince John : Suspicious snake.

• Prince John : What is the next stop, Sir Hiss?

  Hiss : Let's see. I. Oh, the next stop is Nottingham, sire.