The Plumber (1979 TV Movie)

Ivar Kants: Max

Photos 

Quotes 

• Max : It's what you *can't* see that counts in plumbing. Always remember that.

• Max : I'm not really a plumber, you know... I'm actually a folk singer.

  Jill Cowper : [Gives a scoffing laugh]  A *folk singer*?

  Max : What's funny about that?

• Max : I was just gonna' say, you've got problems. Whoever did the pipes in this block oughta' be shot. It's a wonder the place hasn't flooded!

  Jill Cowper : Well, what's wrong with them, exactly?

  Max : Well, your pipes - if you'll pardon the expression - are buggered.

• Max : Look, I'm sorry to inconvenience you like this; but, we have to check all the pipes.

• Max : Some people treat you like a real peasant. You're just a mere tradesman. You know? Some people still have the sign on the gate, "Tradesman's Entrance." Talk about discrimination against the blacks! They're still allowed to flog those signs in hardware shops.

  Jill Cowper : Aw, come on, no one thinks that any more.

  Max : You'd be surprised.

• Max : You haven't been here long, have you?

  Jill Cowper : Three months.

  Max : From Melbourne?

  Jill Cowper : Yes.

  Max : Geez, I hate Melbourne.

  Jill Cowper : I don't like Adelaide much.

  Max : Oh, fair enough.

• Max : It's all to do with hormones, apparently.

• Max : The intellectual type often lose their hair. The drains of this building are clogged with hair. It's revolting!

• Max : They're big time promoters; well, pretty big, anyway. And they heard my stuff and dug it. But, they want me to go commercial! See, I'm a lyrics man, angry at society and all that. Bob Dylan, you know. They just don't want that.

  Jill Cowper : I had heard that Dylan is still doing pretty well.

  Max : Aw, the kids today don't listen to lyrics. See, people like Dylan and Jagger, they haven't sold out. And they've helped a lot of people work it all out. People everywhere!

• Max : People booted into prison because they don't fit in. Jesus. Kids - left in stinking cages like animals.

  Jill Cowper : How do Dylan and Jagger help people in prison?

  Max : By telling them how it is, man! How society screwed it up! Through the lyrics.

• Max : I've seen some amazing bathrooms.

  Meg : I bet you have.

  Max : Funny enough, you can tell a lot about people from their bathroom.

  Meg : Like reading tea leaves.

  Max : Yeah, a bit like that.

  Meg : Well, what can you tell about Brian and Jill?

  Max : Jill is pretty sexy and her old man is losing his hair.

• Jill Cowper : I'm going to get you out of my flat.

  Max : Your flat? Listen, these flats belong to the taxpayers. This building belongs to me, just as much you. Educated people think you inherited the bloody earth! Well, I know my rights!

• Max : Listen, I'm just trying to do my job. I'm the bloody plumber around here!

• Max : [Multiple pipes have burst, flooding the Cowper's bathroom]  We meet again, eh?

  Jill Cowper : How long this time?

  Max : A week, ten days... maybe longer. Who knows? Tricky job, this. We're just going to have to learn to get along with each other. Aren't we?

• Max : [upset, after Jill corrected his poor grammar]  I "did" a bathroom. Did... Did... DID!