The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

Dave Goelz: The Great Gonzo, Beauregard, Zoot, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Lobbuck Lou

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kermit : Now if we want to get Miss Piggy out of jail, we're gonna have to catch those thieves red-handed.

  [Beauregard raises his hand] 

  Kermit : Yes, Beau?

  Beauregard : What color are their hands now?

• [Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie are in a hot air balloon, flying through the opening credits] 

  Gonzo : Gee, a lot of people worked on this movie!

  Kermit : Oh, this is nothing. Wait till you see the end credits.

• [First lines] 

  Kermit : [In a hot air balloon]  Pretty nice up here, isn't it?

  Fozzie : Kermit? What if we drift out to sea? What if we're never heard from again? What if there's a storm? Or - we get struck by lightning?

  Gonzo : That'd be neat.

  Kermit : Listen, nothing's gonna happen. These are just the opening credits.

  Fozzie : Oh. Where are they?

  [Title card appears] 

  Fozzie : Wow!

  Kermit : The Great Muppet Caper.

  Fozzie : Nice title.

• [last lines] 

  Gonzo : Wait a minute! Hold it right there. Don't go home yet.

  [holds up his camera] 

  Gonzo : Say cheese!

  [takes a picture and the screen goes black] 

  Gonzo : I'll send you each a copy.

• Gonzo : Stop the presses!

  News Editor : Why? What happened?

  Gonzo : I don't know. I just always wanted to say that.

• Kermit : We were wondering if you could recommend a nice hotel. Actually, a cheap hotel.

  British Gentleman : How cheap?

  Fozzie : Free.

  British Gentleman : Well, that narrows the field a bit.

  [reading from his guide] 

  British Gentleman : Let's see. "Places where you can park your carcasses." Bus terminals... River banks... The Happiness Hotel...

  Kermit : Happiness Hotel? That sounds great.

  Gonzo : What's wrong with bus terminals?

• British Gentleman : For once the forecast was right. It said it was going to rain cats and dogs.

  Kermit : No, no. We're bears and frogs.

  Gonzo : And Gonzos.

• Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : I suggest we jump.

  Fozzie : Are you crazy? That's at least a hundred feet!

  Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : I didn't say it was a *good* suggestion.

  Beauregard : Maybe we could jump part-way.

• [In a hot-air balloon] 

  Gonzo : I'd like to try this without a balloon.

  Kermit : Try what? Plummeting?

  Gonzo : Yeah.

  Kermit : I suppose you could try it once.

• Gonzo : [looking at the models]  Hubba hubba!

• Fozzie : [shouting]  Hold it!

  Fozzie : [the room grows quiet]  Sha-ame on you! I thought we were in this thing together. I'm just as scared as you are, but this has to be done! We don't want the bad guys to win. We gotta do this,. for- for- for justice! For freedom! For honesty!

  Scooter : Boy, do I feel ashamed.

  Pops : Me, too. I feel like two cents.

  Rowlf : I'm back in.

  Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : You can count on me!

  Floyd : [with a mix of sarcasm and sincerity]  Oh, hey, I was only joking. Yeah, it'll be a lot of fun to go out there and risk our lives.

  Dr. Teeth : [everybody says "Yeah"]  All for one, and one for all.

  Janice : Yeah!

  Sam the Eagle : At times like this, I am proud to be an American.

  [Sam harrumphs as he leaves the doorway] 

• Fozzie : [going over a checklist]  Wax lips?

  Zoot : Aw man, I just had 'em.

  Dr. Teeth : Did you leave 'em in your other pants?

  Zoot : I don't have no other pants.

  Fozzie : [going back to the checklist]  Yo-yo?

  Janice : Fer sure.

• Beauregard : Takes awhile to get to know the town.

  Fozzie : How long have you lived in London?

  Beauregard : All my life.

  Kermit : How come you don't have an English accent?

  Beauregard : Hey, I'm lucky to have a driver's license!

• Kermit : What's wrong with the drummer? He looks a little crazed.

  Zoot : Oh, he's just upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery.

  Animal : RENOIR!

• Fozzie : [Gonzo takes a picture on the bus]  Oh, did I get my elbow in the shot?

  Gonzo : Don't worry; it adds human interest.

  Fozzie : But I'm a bear.

• Fozzie : Hey, Kermit, I'm getting hungry.

  Gonzo : Call room service.

  Kermit : There's no phone.

  Rizzo the Rat : That's OK, there's no food, either.

• Gonzo : I wonder how far you could plummet before you blacked out.

  Kermit : Uh, don't try it, Gonzo. We need you for this movie.

  Gonzo : Sure is tempting.

• Kermit : [shouting]  Uh, taxi! Taxi!

  [to Fozzie] 

  Kermit : I don't know why the cabs won't stop.

  Gonzo : Just leave it to me.

  [throws himself in front of a cab] 

  Gonzo : Taxi!

  Kermit , Fozzie : Aaaaahhh!

  [the cab stops] 

  Kermit : Uh, that's very effective.

  Gonzo : Yeah, it's great when it works!

• Gonzo : [to a couple]  How about you folks? Souvenir photograph?

  Annoyed Restaurant Diner : No thanks. No pictures.

  Gonzo : Oh, come on! It'll be a great memento for you and your wife.

  Annoyed Restaurant Diner : My wife isn't feeling very well.

  Gonzo : Oh, that's too bad. Maybe she should be at home.

  Annoyed Restaurant Diner : My wife IS at home!

  Gonzo : [stammering nervously]  Yes, uh... NEXT TABLE!

• Gonzo : Photography's an art. You gotta have the right film, you gotta have the right exposure, and you gotta scream just before they get the food to their mouth.

• Kermit : Hurry up, Gonzo. There's gotta be a picture of somebody taking Lady Holiday's necklace.

  Gonzo : Well, I don't know. I still think that pig took it.

  Kermit : Oh, she wouldn't steal.

  Gonzo : Why not? She lied.

  Kermit : That's two different things. Besides, she couldn't have stolen the necklace because she was dancing.

  Fozzie : That's right. There's that old adage: "You can't dance and steal at the same time."

  Gonzo : No, that's "You can't walk and chew gum at the same time."

  Fozzie : Oh no, I think it's "You can't pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time."

  Kermit : What's the difference? She didn't steal the necklace.

  Gonzo : I'll betcha I can do it.

  Kermit : Do what?

  Gonzo : Pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time.

  [Gonzo starts patting his head and rubbing his stomach at the same time] 

  Fozzie : Big deal. Anybody can do that.

  [Fozzie joins in with Gonzo] 

  Kermit : [shouting]  Would you guys cut it out? We're wasting time!

• Gonzo : [Referring to Big Ben]  Is that the Eiffel Tower?

  Fozzie : Yeah!

  Kermit : No.

  Fozzie : No. No.

• Gonzo : [after taking pictures of pigeons outside]  Local poultry.

• Beauregard : What's your room number?

  Kermit : What?

  Fozzie : I don't know, but we're on the second floor.

  Beauregard : Oh, I'm sorry. I can only take you as far as the lobby.

• Gonzo : [going over the Thames]  What's the name of this river?

  Kermit : I don't know.

  Fozzie : I think it's the English river.

  Gonzo : Oh. I'll take a picture of it. Say cheese!

• Kermit : Now, we're about to embark on a potentially dangerous mission. There could be physical violence, there could be gunplay, and there is the slightest chance that somebody might even get killed. So if anybody wants out, now is the time to say it.

  Floyd : I'm out.

  Rowlf : Me too.

  Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Ditto.

  Beaker : Meep meep.

  Zoot : Hey, don't we have a gig around here, or something, or somewhere?

  Pops : Sorry, I got a dental appointment.

  Janice : It's like this, Kermit, I have to go to work all day...

  [everyone starts talking at once] 

  Fozzie : [shouting]  Hold it!

  [everyone stops talking] 

  Fozzie : Shame on you! I thought we were in this thing together. I'm just as scared as you are, but this has to be done! We don't want the bad guys to win. We gotta do this f-f-for justice! For freedom! For honesty!

• Gonzo : [Approaches a table with an older man and a younger, rather pretty, female companion]  Hi there. Souvenir photograph?

  Annoyed Restaurant Diner : [Waves him off]  No thank you. No photos.

  Gonzo : Aw, come on. It will be a great memento for you and your wife.

  Annoyed Restaurant Diner : My wife isn't feeling very well.

  Gonzo : Aw, that's too bad. Maybe she should be at home.

  Annoyed Restaurant Diner : [hint-hint]  My wife *is* at home!

  Gonzo : [Getting it now]  Oh... um... uh... right... um... NEXT TABLE!

  [runs off]