The Cosby Show (1984–1992)

Bill Cosby: Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Clair Huxtable : Cliff, why did we have four children?

  Cliff : Because we did not want five.

• [repeated line] 

  Cliff : Look at me when you lie.

• [after the saxophone opening theme ends] 

  Cliff : This is the best elevator music I've ever heard!

• Cliff : Your grandson got his ear pierced.

  Russell Huxtable : On purpose?

• Cliff : Clair, we don't even know if the joint is Theo's and you already got the boy going to Turkey.

• Cliff : If you call a female surgeon 'old', she will tear you apart.

• Cliff : [watching all the news reports about nuclear bombs on TV]  Rudy, hurry up and become president because we need you now!

  Clair Huxtable : Please!

• Cliff : [to Rudy]  No, no, don't take my bubble thing.

• Cliff : [to Vanessa's 12 year old friend]  When Mrs. Huxtable comes home, you bring the car around.

• Clair Huxtable : [Coming in through the front door]  You bring yourself in this house right now! And if you think that that 30 minute ride home was something, believe me, it has just begun.

  Clair Huxtable : [as Vanessa sits down on the couch]  Here we are thinking you're lying in some burning building, dying of asphyxia, and you're down in Baltimore having big fun! Weren't you, Vanessa? Isn't that where you were? Didn't you go down there to Baltimore and have big fun, Vanessa? Tell me, didn't you go for big fun?

  Vanessa Huxtable : Mom...

  Clair Huxtable : --Shut up! Don't you dare open your mouth when I'm asking you a question.

  Clair Huxtable : [Rudy is on the stairs, watching]  Rudy! Go to bed!

  Clair Huxtable : [to Vanessa]  I only hope that you can have the same experience, Vanessa. I hope that, one day, you come to realize exactly how it feels to think that your child's life is danger. You have taken us from levels of frenzy, panic, distress, and now that we know you're okay, rage. That's where we are right now, Vanessa. We are in rage because we know that you have been to Baltimore, Maryland with The Wretched to have big fun! Big fun! Isn't that what you had, Vanessa? Didn't you have big fun? Well, let's see now, you had donuts! Had donuts in Wilmington, Delaware! Cliff, tell me, have you ever been to Wilmington for donuts?

  Cliff : Not on the weekend.

  Clair Huxtable : There she is, sitting up in the local donut shop in Wilmington, Delaware, sipping hot chocolate and eating crumbs and the car gets stolen. Now, a normal individual with half a gnat's brain would have said, I'm going home now. But you?

  Clair Huxtable : [She laughs, sarcastically]  Not you. You and your three friends put yourselves on a bus and go joyriding off to Baltimore! All the way to Baltimore!

  Cliff : What were you thinking?

  Vanessa Huxtable : I wasn't thinking.

  Cliff : You got that right.

  Clair Huxtable : Did you really think that the four of you could go off careening into the night and not one single parent would find out about it? Did you really think that, Vanessa?

  Vanessa Huxtable : Mom...

  Clair Huxtable : Shut! 'Cause I know what was going on, you were off being wild and free with The Wretched and singing The Wretched song! Now, I know you told me about it in the car, Vanessa, but just for the record, one more time, how did it come to pass that you did not get into the concert with The Wretched and the big fun?

  Clair Huxtable : [No response from Vanessa]  You better answer me when I ask you a question, girl!

  Vanessa Huxtable : [Starting to cry]  We gave our tickets to a man, who said he was with the band and he wasn't and he stole them. Someone stole Janet's wallet. We ran away and we bumped into this guy, Freddie Scuria, a friend of Janet's brother and he gave us bus fare.

  Clair Huxtable : You were lucky to have found someone to look at your sorry selves and take pity on you.

  Clair Huxtable : Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It'll never happen again. Can I, please, just have my punishment?

  Clair Huxtable : Vanessa, please. Your Father and I have been through much too much this evening to be sitting up here thinking about a punishment for you right now.

  Vanessa Huxtable : But I'd like my punishment before I go to bed

  Cliff : [Cliff holds Clair back from attacking Vanessa]  Do yourself a favor and go to bed.

  Cliff : [as Vanessa heads towards the stairs]  And do me another favor, please. If you're thinking about running away from home, please don't take my car.

  Clair Huxtable : And there's just one more thing, Vanessa, I have to say to you. You have proved to us that you cannot be trusted. It's going to be a very long time before we even think of trusting you again.

  Clair Huxtable : Mom, I said I was sorry. This is not gonna happen again.

  Clair Huxtable : [Getting into Vanessa's face]  For all I know, you are lying right now! Go to bed!

  Vanessa Huxtable : [Crying]  Mom, I'm...

  Clair Huxtable : [as Vanessa goes upstairs]  We're gonna have to do something about this child's honesty, Cliff. Now, how are we gonna get Vanessa to be honest about something she wants to do when she knows darn good and well we do not want her to do it? And I say that tonight, before we put head to pillow to rest in this house, you and I are gonna figure this one out.

  Cliff : All right, Roy. You get the pad and the pencil and bring them on into the chug wagon and I fix some coffee and some beans and a side of pork and, uh, we'll see what we can do about catching all the desperado.