Short Circuit (1986)
Tim Blaney: Number 5
Photos
Quotes
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Number 5 : Hey, laser lips, your mama was a snow blower.
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Number 5 : Number 5 is alive.
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Newton Crosby : Holy shit.
Number 5 : No shit. Where see shit?
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Number 5 : Malfunction. Need input.
Stephanie Speck : Input. That's information! Listen, I am full of it.
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Newton Crosby : Why did you disobey your program?
Number 5 : Program say to kill, to disassemble, to make dead. Number 5 cannot.
Newton Crosby : Why "cannot"?
Number 5 : Is *wrong*! Newton Crosby, Ph.D not know this?
Newton Crosby : Of course I know it's wrong to kill, but who told you?
Number 5 : *I* told me.
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Newton Crosby : OK. Listen closely. There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing golf. They're deciding how much to give to charity. The priest says "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give to charity." The minister says "No, we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No no no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!"
Number 5 : Hmmmm. Oh, I get it! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! Nyuk, nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Stephanie Speck : What's going on? Is he laughing?
Newton Crosby : Yeah! Yeah! And the joke wasn't even that funny, and I think I screwed up the punchline. Ha ha ha ha!
Number 5 : "Whatever God wants, he keeps!"
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[Stephanie is in the bath]
Number 5 : [confused] Stephanie... change color!
Stephanie Speck : [looks down, embarrassed, reaches for a towel] Uh...
Number 5 : Attractive! Nice software. Mmm.
Stephanie Speck : Boy, you sure don't talk like a machine.
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Number 5 : [Reading a Billboard] Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?
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Newton Crosby : Of course, I know it's wrong to kill. But, who told you?
Number 5 : I told me.
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[when driving a campervan into a fish hung on a wire]
Number 5 : Fish. Salmon. Sushi.
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Number 5 : Beautiful animal... canine... dog... mutt.
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Stephanie Speck : You're a robot? I thought you were alive, Number 5. I let you tear my house to shreds and you're a robot! You're a machine from that dumb war lab place. God, I'm so stupid!
Number 5 : Stupid - foolish, gullible, doltish, dumbell, lamebrain...
Stephanie Speck : Shut up!
Number 5 : Shut up - silence, hush, sit on it, can it...
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Number 5 : Bird. Raven. Nevermore.
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Number 5 : [on seeing the Sun] Oooooo! Beautiful. Light bulb.
Stephanie Speck : No - sun.
Number 5 : Beautiful No-sun.
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Stephanie Speck : But you can't die. You're a machine.
Number 5 : No.
Stephanie Speck : No, you're not a machine?
Number 5 : Yes.
Stephanie Speck : Yes, you are, or yes, you're not?
Number 5 : Yes.
Stephanie Speck : Yes, WHAT?
Number 5 : Yes, not.
Stephanie Speck : Talk about a malfunction.
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Number 5 : Not malfunction Stephanie. Number 5 is alive.
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Stephanie Speck : [they're heading for the cliff] Oh, no - Jeez! Number Five, we're gonna be killed!
Number 5 : Disassemble?
Stephanie Speck : Yes, disassemble ALL OVER THE PLACE!
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Number 5 : No disassemble Number Five!
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Number 5 : Well, if you gotta go, don't squeeze the Charmin.
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Number 5 : Number 5 stupid name... want to be Kevin or Dave!
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Number 5 : Frankie, you broke the unwritten law. You ratted on your friends. When you do that Frankie, your enemies don't respect you. You got no friends no more. You got nobody, Frankie.
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Number 5 : Error. Grasshopper disassembled... Re-assemble!
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Number 5 : [parodying a TV presenter's voice during his fight against the other SAINTs] "Escaped Robot Fights for His Life. Film at Eleven."
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Stephanie Speck : Boy am I the jerk of the world!
Number 5 : Jerk of the world: Turkey, idiot, pain in the ass.
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Number 5 : [as John Wayne] Ah don't worry little lady, I'll fix their wagon.
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Number 5 : [Pushing Skroeder away] No, no, please. No autographs, sir! Come Stephanie! We be jammin'
[Busts out side of wall of Black Lion]
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Number 5 : [imitating Elmer Fudd after having seen the show on Stephanie's TV] Well, I guess that waps you up, you wascally wobot - huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh-huhgh!
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Number 5 : Benjamin Jabituya, delete.
Benjamin Jabituya : No, wait! Rethink yourself!
Number 5 : Exit. Depart. Leave.
Benjamin Jabituya : Eat my dust, Newton Crosby. Let us break wind.
[leaves]
Number 5 : Newton Crosby, no run, no talk, drive.
[Crosby stalls]
Number 5 : Today, Crosby! Today!
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Newton Crosby : Number 5, What do you make of this?
[hands Number 5 a Rorschach blot he just made using tomato soup]
Number 5 : Hmmm... Wood pulp, plant - vegetable - tomato, water, salt, monosodium glutamate...
Newton Crosby : Okay, thank you. Now you're talking like a robot.
Number 5 : ...and resemble - look like - butterfly, bird, maple leaf!
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Frank : [to Number 5] Listen, why don't you say we jump in my car and I'll take you home.
Stephanie Speck : [knowingly] Uh, tell him where home is.
Frank : Uh, home is NOVA.
[Beasley barks]
Number 5 : [throws tray at Frank] NOVA? NO! No disassemble!
Stephanie Speck : Run, Number 5, run!
Number 5 : Come on, treads, don't fail me now!
Frank : [runs after him] You tricked me, you little bitch!
Stephanie Speck : Oh, does this mean I don't get my $5,000? Well, forget it! FORGET IT! He can run thirty miles an hour, you big stupid JERK!
Frank : [grabs her] Hey, I'll show you how stupid I am! Guess who's gonna help me catch him!
Stephanie Speck : No, I'd rather die first!
Frank : [sees that his Pontiac is gone] What the hell happened to my car?
Number 5 : Hi!
[Frank's car is shown totally dismantled]
Number 5 : Piece of cake!
Frank : Oh, my God! My car!
Stephanie Speck : [smiles] Oh, way to go, Number 5!
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Number 5 : [spilling and dumping the contents out of the glasses and boxes on Stephanie's counter] Drinking glass... Pasta, spaghetti!
Stephanie Speck : [picking up one of her kittens away from Number 5's mess] Very good...
Number 5 : [dumping out spaghetti sauce out of a sauce pan] Liquid, spaghetti sauce...
Stephanie Speck : Look! This may be funny from where you come from! But on this planet, it's considered rude!
Number 5 : [distracted by baskets of fruit] Oooo... Baskets... fruit!
[proceeds to dump the fruit out of the metal baskets by pushing the baskets upward]
Number 5 : [as he dumps the fruit] Oranges, Apples, Lemons, Limes...
Stephanie Speck : [sarcastically] Why great! Thanks a lot!
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Number 5 : Escape, escape! Please, hide! Refuge!
Stephanie Speck : What are you afraid of? What's the matter with you?
Number 5 : N.O.V.A. robotics, disassemble, dead! Disassemble, Number 5 dead!
Stephanie Speck : But you can't die, you're a machine!
Number 5 : No.
Stephanie Speck : No, you're not a machine?
Number 5 : Yes!
Stephanie Speck : Yes you are, or yes you're not?
Number 5 : Yes...
Stephanie Speck : Yes, what?
Number 5 : Yes... not.
Stephanie Speck : Talk about a malfunction!
Number 5 : Not malfunction, Stephanie... Number 5... is alive!
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[last lines]
Number 5 : Number 5 stupid name; want to be Kevin, or Dave.
Newton Crosby : Just watch the road, okay?
Number 5 : Maybe Johnny... Yeah, Johnny 5.
Stephanie Speck : Yes!
Newton Crosby : Cool.
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Stephanie Speck : You are - here. Here! Oregon.
Number 5 : Or-e-gon.
Stephanie Speck : Home of the beaver. Famous for cherries.
Number 5 : Beavers! Cherries! Input!
Stephanie Speck : I'm giving you great input.
Number 5 : More input! More input!
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Stephanie Speck : I can't reassemble. You squashed him. He's dead.
Number 5 : Dead?
Stephanie Speck : Right. Dead - as in dead as a doornail.
Number 5 : Reassemble, Stephanie. Reassemble!
Stephanie Speck : I know you don't understand. But, when you're dead - you're dead. It's just the way it is. Dead is forever.
Number 5 : Squash. Dead. Disassemble. Dead. Disassemble? Dead!
Stephanie Speck : Hey, slow down!
Number 5 : No dissemble!
Stephanie Speck : Hey, wait! Where are you going?
Number 5 : Leave! Escape!
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Stephanie Speck : Okay. Okay. Turn off the TV. It's time for bed.
Number 5 : Come on, Steph! Lighten up! Let's give it a whirl!
Stephanie Speck : Hey!
Number 5 : Yeah!
Stephanie Speck : Listen, you! It's 3 AM.
Number 5 : It's early!
Stephanie Speck : I mean, don't you ever get enough?
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Stephanie Speck : Hey, you know what? You're - you're not a bad dancer.
Number 5 : Dancing fool!
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Stephanie Speck : I'm going to bed and, in the morning, you have to find yourself a new home.
Number 5 : This, home. Stephanie, home. Number 5, home.
Stephanie Speck : Oh, Number 5, you don't know what you're saying.
Number 5 : Number 5, know.
[sings]
Number 5 : "More than a woman - More than a woman to me."
Stephanie Speck : Oh, Number 5!
[laughs]
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Stephanie Speck : I'm lost. I don't know where to go.
Number 5 : Strategy.
Stephanie Speck : What about it?
Number 5 : Need some. Quick!
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Stephanie Speck : You - kidnapped him?
Number 5 : Kidnap: Shanghai, hijack.
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Number 5 : Communicate. Need input. I have questions, queries, *posers*.
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Newton Crosby : That's incredible! This guy's a genius!
Number 5 : Well, above average.
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Number 5 : Jerk of the world turkey chicken pain in the ass.
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Stephanie Speck : That creep! I should have known. Every time I think a guy's gonna be okay, he turns out to be a real jerk! All alike. All of them.
Number 5 : Stephanie?
Stephanie Speck : Well, the next time they mess with us, we're gonna kick ass!
Number 5 : Kick ass? Donkey, mule, burro.
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Number 5 : Many fragments. Some large, some small.
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Number 5 : stupid dumbell galobal foolish.
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Number 5 : Error grasshopper disassemble.
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Number 5 : Reassemble Stepahine
