Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)
Eddie Murphy: Axel Foley
Photos
Quotes
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[Axel sees Rosewood with a huge pistol]
Axel Foley : Yo, man! What's that for?
Billy Rosewood : After the shootout at the club, I figured I needed more firepower.
Axel Foley : Yo man, we gotta talk, seriously. Who do you think you are, Clint Eastwood? Dirty Rosewood?
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Axel Foley : Are you driving with your eyes open? Or are you, like, using "the force"?
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Harold Lutz : Who the hell are you?
Axel Foley : Uh, my name is Johnny Wish-Wishbone. Johnny Wishbone. And I am a psychic from the island of St. Croix. Yes, I am psychic from the island of St. Croix. And I read in the St. Croix Gazette that the Beverly Hills Police Department having some trouble figuring out crimes. So, what I did was come to Beverly Hills to help the police out. They tell me they don't want my help, they don't *need* my help, so I'm gonna go on my merry way. I'm a psychic! I am a psychic phenomenon. Watch this. I don't know who you are, but watch this. Ummm... Your name is, ummmm, Lutz! Right? Chief Lutz. That's your name. See? The name pop inside my head like that. And your name is, ummmmm, ummmmm...
Biddle : Biddle?
Axel Foley : Biddle! Yes, see? I- You- Two more seconds I would have said it myself. I don't need no help from no one, because I'm Johnny Wishbone, psychic extraordinaire. And if you need me, just think "Johnny Wishbone" and I come running. Lutz and Biddle, it's like Kibbles n' Bits, but different.
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Axel Foley : Inspector T, how you doin'?
Inspector Todd : Where the fuck you been, Foley? And what the fuck is this?
Axel Foley : It's a blue slip.
Inspector Todd : Wh-what in the hell do you need a thousand dollars for?
Axel Foley : A little flash money.
Inspector Todd : Flash money. Well, let's see here - $2,000 for a suit, $200 for a tie, a requisition order for a Ferrari. I'm don't wanna see any more of these blue slips. When am I gonna see some arrest slips?
Axel Foley : I know that you're getting' upset. And I know that you have reason to be upset. But let me tell you something, chief. I am close, I am so close now. I'm closer than I've been, and it-it's makin' me crazy. 'Cause I can smell it, it's in the air. And I smell it. It's
[sniffs]
Axel Foley : I sm- Do you smell it? 'Cause I smell it.
Inspector Todd : All I smell is your bullshit. For six months, I been pourin' money down a bottomless hole. Where the bad guys at the end of this rainbow?
Axel Foley : Wait a second, look. I just thought, that if there was a problem...
Inspector Todd : Don't think, Axel! It makes my dick itch. The truth is, this department has fronted you a fortune. And my ass is on the line. I okayed all this shit!
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Axel Foley : Hey! Sound the alarm. You got a break-in!
City Deposit Guard : I need authorization.
[Axel and Bill pull their guns and shoot the alarm]
Axel Foley , Billy Rosewood : Authorized!
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Axel Foley : You just hit a squad car!
Billy Rosewood : I know, I know. It's okay, I know the guy. He's a jerk.
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[Rosewood runs a red light]
Sergeant Taggart : It's red!
Billy Rosewood : It's green!
[He hits another car]
Billy Rosewood : Oh, yeah, it was red. Okay.
Axel Foley : It was yellow!
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Axel Foley : Oh, you mean the construction that's going on. Yes, I'm very embarrassed about that. What I'm trying to do, though, is just confine myself to the other five bedrooms. I'm used to compromising my lifestyle.
Sergeant Taggart : Bullshit! You've stolen this house!
Axel Foley : How the fuck can you steal a house? This...my uncle's house!
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Axel Foley : My truck. Here's $50. Put it next to a limo.
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Mayor Ted Egan : Lutz I think I've just had it with your abusive attitude.
Harold Lutz : i'm sorry I get carried away I'm sorry.
Mayor Ted Egan : You're fired. I want you out of here. GET OUT OF HERE FIRED!
Harold Lutz : You'll regret this Ted.
Mayor Ted Egan : I've regreted it for the last 2 months. Biddle you're fired too.
Biddle : Hey I didn't do anything.
Mayor Ted Egan : Well you get out! GET OUT!
Axel Foley : Are they civilians now?
Mayor Ted Egan : You bet.
Axel Foley : I'm gonna kick your ass later!
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Axel Foley : 24 hours a day I will be in the car. I will sleep, eat, drink, shit. I will- No, I ain't gonna shit.
[laughs]
Axel Foley : You thought I was gonna really shit. I wouldn't- Wh-what would I look like shitting in the car? I ain't gonna shit. Don't worry about a thing, though. I am on the job. Don't worry about a thing. I'm on the job!
Inspector Todd : THAT'S what I'm afraid of!
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Axel Foley : Hey, man! Take off your glasses. I thought that was you, man! You *almost* got busted, I *did* get busted. I lost my whole investment because of you. Vinnie, what the hell is wrong with you, man? You know I'm a businessman. I got to work!
Vinnie : What?
Axel Foley : You come inside here a half hour late, and on top of all that you gonna bring the goddamn cop with you, too?
Vinnie : What you talking cop? He ain't no cop!
Axel Foley : That's Dirty Harry himself! Man, what the fuck is wrong with you gonna bring him in here?
Carlotta : You calling me a cop?
Axel Foley : You definitely a cop!
Vinnie : He ain't no cop, he's my nephew.
Axel Foley : Well, the dude is definitely bad luck. I don't know what he is to you; he's bad luck to me.
Carlotta : Bad luck? I'll fuckin' tell you what's bad luck. My friend's in a prison body shop fixin' all the cars that he smashed that day 'cause you had to fuck around. This guy's a fuckin' clown.
Axel Foley : Hey, what is- Wait a second.
Carlotta : What the fucking cock you tryin' to get away with?
Axel Foley : I'm checking you for a wire, man.
Carlotta : Get fuckin' outta here.
Vinnie : Oh, hey, hey, hey!
Axel Foley : Why can't I check ya?
Vinnie : [speaking at the same time] Ho, ho, ho! Stop the bullshit. Stop the bullshit! Stop this bullshit. Cut the bullshit. Cut the bullshit right now. Cut the bullshit, man.
Axel Foley : If he ain't a cop, if he ain't wired, why can't I- why can't I frisk him? Why can't- Why won't he let me frisk him, then? Then why can't I frisk him if he ain't got no wire on?
Vinnie : Look, I got 2000 blank American Express cards, right now. Gold. You got the money, you wanna do business or what?
Axel Foley : I have the money and I *do* wanna do business, but with *you*. I ain't doing nothing in front of this dude, 'cause this dude is a cop. I know when I can smell a pig inside the room. I used to be a Muslim, man. And I know that's pork over here. And th...
[sniffs]
Axel Foley : Yes, pork! It's definitely pork. I ain't doin' shit around this dude, man. You wanna do business, you know where to find me. Fuck you, man. Allahu Akbar.
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Sidney Bernstein : [on the phone] Naturally. I can see- Yeah, yeah. I mean I-I understand. Somebody- W-wait-
[off the phone]
Sidney Bernstein : Oh, oh, oh. Come right in. Don't let the fact that my door's closed dissuade you in any way from entering my office.
Axel Foley : Sir, we're with the Beverly Hills Police Department. Are you Mr. Sidney Bernstein?
Sidney Bernstein : Yes. Lucky guess.
Axel Foley : Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets, we have a warrant for your arrest.
Sidney Bernstein : 25? What 25?
Axel Foley : You have 25 unpaid parking tickets, sir.
Sidney Bernstein : I-I pay my tickets. I pay - I pay all my tickets.
Axel Foley : Sir, do you own a Black Mercedes-Benz, License Plates number CRL-507?
Sidney Bernstein : 507? That's my wife's car! That's not my car! That's my-
Axel Foley : You have 25 unpaid parking tickets.
Sidney Bernstein : I mean, it's under my name. But, it's my wife's car! No! No! No!
[picks up phone; yells]
Sidney Bernstein : Bitch!
Axel Foley : Your tickets have not been paid, that means you're liable.
[to Taggart & Rosewood]
Axel Foley : Can you cuff Mr. Bernstein, please?
Sidney Bernstein : Cuff me? There are people out there with chainsaws, you're cuffing me!
Axel Foley : Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets, and it's your car. So, we have to take you in.
Sidney Bernstein : Wait a second, I've got an idea. Is there something that I have in this office that I could hand to you, and that would make you kind of forget that you're holding those, uh, little pink tickets there?
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Axel Foley : [about Lutz, who's just been fired by Mayor Egan] Is he a civilian now?
Mayor Ted Egan : Yes.
Axel Foley : [yelling at Lutz] I'm gonna kick yo' ass later!
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Axel Foley : [to Rosewood and Taggart] "If you get your head out of your ass long enough"? "Kiss my ass"? You're gettin' more and more like me every day. Next thing you know you're gonna have Afros... big dicks and all!
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Axel Foley : [about the cement truck Billy got for a pursuit] Well, this is pretty sporty!
Billy Rosewood : Don't complain! It's all I could find!
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Sergeant Taggart : Do I really look like Gerald Ford?
Axel Foley : Y'all both look like Gerald Ford!
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[During the climatic shootout, Billy Rosewood takes out a bazooka cannon while Axel and Taggart continue to hold off the bad guys. As he takes the cannon out of its case, Billy talks to himself as though reading a manual]
Billy Rosewood : Pull Pin...
Sergeant Taggart : BILLY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Billy Rosewood : Extend...
Sergeant Taggart : [over gunfire] BILLY?
Billy Rosewood : Pull to open and...
[He pops the cannon out of the case; amazed]
Billy Rosewood : Wow!
Sergeant Taggart : [screams] BILLY!
Billy Rosewood : [as the gang's truck is fleeing the scene] Release safety.
[He releases the safety lever]
Sergeant Taggart : BILLY!
Billy Rosewood : [He aims the bazooka cannon] Aim through here... and push this.
[He pushes the trigger. The cannon fires a bazooka at the fleeing truck, bursting it into flames. Much to the amazement of Taggart, Axel and Billy, who drops the cannon in disbelief]
Axel Foley : [chuckling; impressed] Huh, ha! ha!
Sergeant Taggart : [floored] F*** Rambo.
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Hugh Hefner : Are we having a problem?
Axel Foley : Hef! Hugh Hefner! Axel Foley! l feel like I know you already cause l put your magazine up... Forget it. Here's some background on your guests. This is Thomopolis, he's into guns and drugs. And this is Max, and Max kills cops for a living!
Hugh Hefner : l don't know him or you. I think it's time all of you left.
Maxwell Dent : I happen to be a major contributor.
Hugh Hefner : We appreciate it. Goodbye.
Axel Foley : He appreciates it, Max, but take your ass home. You outdone your welcome. But it's been real, it's been nice. Everybody, party's over! Max fucked it up for everybody, so let's just go home.
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Axel Foley : [Upon entering the pool area on the Playboy mansion] Jesus Christ!
[Then to his crotch]
Axel Foley : Wake up! This is what we've always talked about! Look alive! You may never see it again!
[to Billy and Taggert as he takes a large step]
Axel Foley : I don't wanna step on your tongues, excuse me.
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[last lines]
Sergeant Taggart : Anything we can do for you?
Axel Foley : [handing Taggart house keys] Yeah. Why don't you take care of my uncle's house till he gets back?
Billy Rosewood : Hey, Axel, that's not really your uncle's house, is it?
Axel Foley : Oh, yeah. Trust me.
[as Axel starts to drive off, the real homeowners walk up to Taggart and Billy]
Mr. Anderson : All right, what the hell is going on here? Who are you guys? Who's that black guy?
[Taggart and Billy look at Axel. Axel stops and looks back, grinning]
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Axel Foley , Sergeant Taggart : We gotta talk!
[about Rosewood's affinity for weapons]
