Withnail & I (1987)

Ralph Brown: Danny

Photos 

Quotes 

• Danny : I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.

  Withnail : What *absolute* twaddle.

• Danny : The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman. It can utilise up to 12 skins. It is called a Camberwell Carrot.

  Marwood : It's impossible to use 12 papers on one joint.

  Danny : It's impossible to make a Camberwell Carrot with anything less.

  Withnail : Who says it's a Camberwell Carrot?

  Danny : I do. I invented it in Camberwell, and it looks like a carrot.

• Danny : Don't get uptight with me, man. Cos if you do, I'll have to give you a dose of medicine. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to.

  Withnail : You wouldn't spike me, you're too mean. Beside there's nothing invented I couldn't take.

  Danny : If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present.

  Withnail : I could take double anything you could.

  Danny : [removing his sunglasses]  Very, very foolish words, man.

• Danny : My partner's got a really good idea for making dolls. His name's Presuming Ed. His sister give him the idea. She got a doll on Christmas what pisses itself. Then you gotta change its drawers for it. It's horrible really but they like that, the little girls. So we're gonna make one that shits itself as well.

  Withnail : Shits itself?

  Danny : He's an expert. He's building the prototype now.

• Marwood : [after trying the Camberwell Carrot]  Give me a downer, Danny. My brain's capsizing, I've gotta unfuck my brain!

  Danny : Change down, man. Find your neutral space. You got a rush. It'll pass. Be seated.

  Marwood : Aren't you getting absurdly high?

  Danny : Precisely the reason I'm smoking it.

• Danny : Has he just been busted?

  Marwood : No.

  Danny : Then why's he wearing that old suit?

  Withnail : Old suit? This suit was cut by Hawkes of Savile Row. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your fucking appendix doesn't mean anything!

• Danny : I recommend you smoke some more grass.

  Marwood : No way, no fucking way.

  Danny : That is an unfortunate political decision. Reflecting these times.

  Withnail : What are you talking about, Danny?

  Danny : Politics, man. If you're hanging onto a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision. Let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworths, man. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black.

• Danny : I see you're wearing a suit.

  Withnail : What's it got to do with you?

  Danny : No need to get uptight, man. I was merely making an observation. I happened to be looking for a suit for the Coalman two weeks ago. For reasons I can't really discuss with you. The Coalman had to go to Jamaica. Got busted coming back through Heathrow. Had a weight under his fez. We worked out it would be handy karma for him to get hold of a suit but he's a very low temperature spade, the Coalman. Goes into court in his kaftan and a bell. This doesn't go down at all well. They can handle the kaftan, they can't handle the bell. So, there's this judge sitting there in a cape like fucking Batman with this really rather far-out looking hat.

  Withnail : Wig.

  Danny : No, man, this was more like a long white hat. So, he looks at the Coalman and says "What's all this? This is a court, man. This ain't fancy dress." And the Coalman looks at him and says "You think *you* look normal, your honour?" Cunt gave him two years.

• Danny : Where exactly have you two been?

  Marwood : Holiday in the countryside.

  Danny : That's a very good idea. London is a country coming down from its trip. We are 91 days from the end of this decade and there's gonna be a lot of refugees.

• [Marwood comes out of the bathroom wearing a towel] 

  Danny : You're looking very beautiful, man. Have you been away? Saint Peter preached the epistles to the apostles looking like that.

• Danny : Law rather appeals to me actually.

  [Withnail laughs uncontrollably and drops to the floor] 

  Danny : Just high.

• Marwood : Give me a downer, Danny. My brain's capsizing. I've gone and fucked my brain!

  Danny : Change down, man. Find your neutral space. You've got a rush. It'll pass. Be seated.

• Danny : Do you realise this gaff's overrun with rodents? When I come in, I seen one the size of a fucking dog.

  Marwood : No, that is a dog. Belongs to the fellow downstairs.

  Danny : Does his dog get in the oven?

  Withnail : No, his dog doesn't come up here.

  Danny : Then it was a rodent. Opened the oven door and it was in there looking at me. Quite freaked me at the time. I was gonna cook onions.

• Danny : [holding up a pill]  Trade: Phenodihydrochloride benzorex. Street: the embalmer.

  Withnail : Balls! I'll swallow it and run a mile!

  Danny : Cool your boots, man.

• Danny : You have done something to your brain. You have made it high. If I lay 10 mils of diazepam on you, it will do something else to your brain. You will make it low. Why trust one drug and not the other? That's politics, innit?

• Marwood : Who is the huge spade in the bath?

  Danny : Presuming Ed.

• Marwood : Aren't you getting absurdly high?

  Danny : Precisely the reason I'm smoking it.

• Danny : This doll is extremely dangerous. It has voodoo qualities.

  [he pulls its head off and tips some pills out of it] 

• Danny : [stands barefoot, about to leave Withnail and Marwood's flat]  Have you either of you got shoes?

• Withnail : [Danny offers Withnail his huge Camberwell Carrot spliff]  I couldn't, I'm spaced.

  Danny : Not as spaced as your rodents.

  Marwood : Don't talk about them.

  Danny : I imagine they're talking to each other.

  Marwood : What do you mean?

  Danny : I dealt with them.

  Marwood : Dealt with them? What the fuck do you mean?

  Danny : Dosed 'em. I expect they're dead down the drain.

  Marwood : Dead down the drain? What have you done to them?

  Danny : Given them all drugged onions.