Seinfeld (1989–1998)

John O'Hurley: J. Peterman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Peterman : Elaine, can you keep a secret?

  Elaine : No sir, I can't.

• Mr. Peterman : Elaine, up until a few minutes ago, I was convinced I was on the receiving end of the oldest baker's grift in the books - The Enterman's Shim Sham. Until I remembered my security camera, which I installed to catch other Walter using my latrine.

  Elaine : But, Mr. Peterman, I...

  Mr. Peterman : Elaine, I have a question for you - is the item still with you?

  Elaine : I guess so...

  Mr. Peterman : Elaine, do you have any idea what happens to a butter-based frosting after sitting 60 years in a poorly ventilated English basement? I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed.

• [explaining why Elaine won't be accompanying him to Africa] 

  Mr. Peterman : I'm afraid it's your urine, Elaine. You've tested positive for opium.

  Elaine : [astonished]  Opium?

  Mr. Peterman : That's right. White Lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.

• Elaine : Mr. Peterman, you can't leave

  J. Peterman : I've already left, Elaine. I'm in Burma.

  Elaine : Burma?

  J. Peterman : You most likely know it as Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me.