Ghost Dad (1990)
Bill Cosby: Elliot Hopper
Photos
Quotes
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Elliot Hopper : Now, you listen to me, you little bag of pig puke! You mention one word to anybody about this, and so help me, I'll do things to you that you can't even imagine! You try to threaten me? I don't get frightened. I GIVE frighten, you little twerp! What do you think about this?
[raises a flashlight to face, which disappears]
Stuart : [screams in fright]
Elliot Hopper : Hah!
Stuart : [faints]
Elliot Hopper : Good night.
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Curtis Burch, the Cabbie : Evil Master! Your wallet!
[hands him the wallet]
Curtis Burch, the Cabbie : I am yours to command!
Elliot Hopper : Command? Command? I command you to go to hell and sit on a red hot coal, and wait for me until it snows!
Curtis Burch, the Cabbie : Oh, yes! Yes, Evil Master! Yes!
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Elliot Hopper : Cancel the 5.
Carol : Oh, no! You can't cancel the 5.
Elliot Hopper : Then put the 5 at 4, and then cancel at 4.
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[only shown on TV Version]
Elliot Hopper : [in airplane bathroom] What are you doing here?
Sir Edith Moser : Flying to London.
Elliot Hopper : Why did you call me?
Sir Edith Moser : I said I'd be calling you again.
Elliot Hopper : But I'm at work!
Sir Edith Moser : [yells] I can't believe it! All you want to do is go back!
Elliot Hopper : Yes! Send me back now! Look, if you need to see me so bad, send me an invitation, call me up on the phone, or just come over to my house. But just don't *whoosh* me around anymore!
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Elliot Hopper : Diane! Don't make me walk through this door!
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Elliot Hopper : But I've got to make it to Thursday. It's for my children. My wife died a few years ago and I'm all they have left. Please, Sir "Edith."
Sir Edith Moser : Sir "Edd-ith." Moser.
Elliot Hopper : But on... on the book it's spelled "Edith."
Sir Edith Moser : But it's pronounced "Edd-ith."
Elliot Hopper : That's a girl's name.
Sir Edith Moser : Look here, it is not a girl's name. Edith is a boy's name.
Elliot Hopper : Who were you named after?
Sir Edith Moser : I was named after my grandmamma!
Elliot Hopper : And they called her "Edd-ith?"
Sir Edith Moser : No! Her name is "Edith!"
Elliot Hopper : So you see, it IS a girl's name!
Sir Edith Moser : No, it's NOT!
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Danny Hopper : Where were you?
Elliot Hopper : I was in London with a man named..."Edith!"
[the kids laugh]
Amanda Hopper : That's a girl's name, Daddy.
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Amanda Hopper : Daddy, Joan said you can go bleep bleep yourself. She said you guys need to talk and she'll fill in the bleeps later.
Elliot Hopper : Okay, honey. Thank you.
[Somebody knocks on the front door]
Elliot Hopper : That must be Joan coming over to fill in the bleeps.
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Elliot Hopper : Mr. Nero, how are you?
Mr. Nero : Oh, good. I'm eating solid foods again.
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[only shown on TV Version]
Elliot Hopper : [suddenly being pulled up] No!
[grabs onto desk to stop being pulled up]
Carol : Don't cancel at 4!
Elliot Hopper : No! I mean, you can do what you like.
Carol : [gives confused look]
Elliot Hopper : [getting pulled up again] Not now!
Carol : Elliot, are you all right? Please hear me out.
[turns away and rattles on]
Carol : When you work with someone for a long time, you get to...
Elliot Hopper : [literally going hand over hand to hold onto desk] Mmm-Hmm. Mmm-Hmm.
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Elliot Hopper : How much money do you want to stop this car? I'll give you $20 to stop--
[a car almost crashes into the taxi; the horn blares]
Elliot Hopper : $40 to stop this cab!
[driver doesn't respond]
Elliot Hopper : I got $76 in here. I'll throw in the wallet too. It's a baby Gucci.
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Curtis Burch, the Cabbie : I like you.
Elliot Hopper : Thank you.
Curtis Burch, the Cabbie : Do you worship Satan?
Elliot Hopper : How much do you want to stop this cab? I'll give you $20 to stop. I'll give you $40. I've got $76. All you have to do is stop the cab!
Elliot Hopper : I'll throw in the wallet. It's from Gucci. You can impress all your friends in Hell.
Elliot Hopper : [hands Burch the wallet] Now stop the damn cab!
Curtis Burch, the Cabbie : DO YOU WORSHIP SATAN?
Elliot Hopper : Worship him? I AM Satan! I command you to stop this cab!
[both scream]
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Diane Hopper : Look, Romeo and Juliet. That's love. He... he took poison for her! What have you ever done for me?
Elliot Hopper : Ate the Spaghetti-Os.
[Diane groans]
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Elliot Hopper : You... you drive another inch. Don't move. We're here. I don't know what your problem is at home but you... NEVER come to work with that attitude!
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Elliot Hopper : [answering phone] Hello?
Stuart : Hi, Mr. Hopper?
Elliot Hopper : Yes, I'll go get Danny for you.
Stuart : No, it is you that I want to talk to.
[pause]
Stuart : You see, I know you're an alien.
Elliot Hopper : [leans closer to phone] Say what?
Stuart : I want $50,000 in small-unmarked bills right now, or I go to the newspapers.
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Diane Hopper : [pops TV dinner in microwave] All I get is grief around here. I clean up. I do the laundry.
Amanda Hopper : I take out the garbage.
Diane Hopper : I cook the meals and what do I get for it? Nothing but complaints.
Elliot Hopper : [yells] I don't complain about your cooking!
Diane Hopper : Yes, you do. All the time. Loud and clear. What about... what about Wednesday, huh? What about... what about last Friday? What about last Saturday night, huh? Quote, "Oh, Diane, how can you screw up Spaghetti-Os?"
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Elliot Hopper : You know, one of the good things about being a ghost is that lights on, lights off, I'm still here.
Diane Hopper : [groans] Dead people can be such jerks. I hope... I HOPE this is Tony.
Elliot Hopper : I don't think so, because he's probably still sitting in the middle of the street wondering what happened to him!
Diane Hopper : [sighs]
Mr. Emery Collins : Hopper, where the hell have you been?
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[on the phone with his boss, Mr. Collins]
Elliot Hopper : Hello, Mr. Collins?
Mr. Emery Collins : [furious] Why weren't you at the bank meeting, Hopper? This merger is falling apart! Where have you been all afternoon? We had negotiating committees from both firms waiting for you. And you never had the courtesy to call us and tell us you were standing us up!
Elliot Hopper : Mr. Collins, I can assure you...
Mr. Emery Collins : If you blow this deal, Hopper, do you know what I personally will do to you?
[hangs up]
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Elliot Hopper : Hello?
Tony Ricker : Uh, yo. Is Diane there? This is Tony Ricker.
Elliot Hopper : Tony Ricker?
Tony Ricker : Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's me. Put the bitch on.
Elliot Hopper : [gets angry and puts his hand into the phone and grabs Tony's neck on the opposite end] PUT THE BITCH ON THE PHONE? PUT THE "BITCH" ON THE PHONE? The bitch can't make it to the phone. I'm here, though! If you so much as call, talk to, or think about Diane, so help me, I'll do things to you.
Tony Ricker : [being choked by Elliot] Are... you... the... devil?
Elliot Hopper : Worse. I'm from the phone company.
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Mr. Emery Collins : To call your recent behavior incompetent would be like calling World War II a spat! I could tear you apart with my bare hands!
Mr. Seymour : He's a little upset.
Mr. Emery Collins : I cannot believe you would walk out of negotiations just when we are closing them!
Mr. Seymour : I'm sure you had an excellent reason.
Mr. Emery Collins : If I hadn't stepped in, the deal would've fallen through and I'd have had to kill you!
Mr. Seymour : But we closed the deal so he doesn't actually have to kill you now.
Mr. Emery Collins : So instead I'm going to ruin you.
Mr. Seymour : This is the part I was telling you about.
Mr. Emery Collins : You're fired!
Elliot Hopper : Mr. Collins...
Mr. Emery Collins : YOU'RE FIRED!
Mr. Seymour : You walked out on a meeting.
Elliot Hopper : No, I can explain.
Mr. Emery Collins : YOU'RE FIRED!
Elliot Hopper : This is not for me, this is for my children. Their whole future depends on this, Mr. Collins. Can't lose my job now. I've served your company 14 years. I've served you well and loyally and that's got to count for something.
[Collins and Seymour look at each other]
Mr. Emery Collins : [smugly] You're fired.
Elliot Hopper : Mr. Collins. MR. COLLINS!
Mr. Seymour : Don't come to the banquet.
