Problem Child 2 (1991)

James Tolkan: Mr. Thorn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Thorn : [Junior enters his new classroom and the students begin laughing at him, while his new teacher Mr. Thorn walks over and rolls his eyes tiresomely]  Oh, no. Not another one. How many kids are they going to make me teach?

  [Junior hands Mr. Thorn his envelope] 

  Mr. Thorn : Well, get in here and find a seat. Go ahead. Come on, come on, come on! Hustle, small fry. I'm not gonna have you holding up my class all year. now, let's move it!

  [Junior sits down at his desk] 

  Mr. Thorn : Now, let's start with a nice easy review to see how much you underachievers remember from last year. Polly, what's 17 times 8?

  Polly : 136.

  [Bows rather smart and sits back down] 

  Mr. Thorn : Good. Richard, what's 72 divided by -9?

  Richard : -8, sir.

  [sits back down] 

  Mr. Thorn : Fine. Murph!

  [cut to Murph picking his nose] 

  Mr. Thorn : Murph! What's 3 plus 2?

  Murph : Mmmmm... 4.

  [Everyone laughs] 

  Mr. Thorn : [sighs]  Murph, you've been in the 6th grade since I started teaching here, I really want to get you out this year. Now, please, please work with me. What's 3 plus 2?

  Murph : 9?

  [Everyone laughs again as Mr. thorn closes his eyes in despair] 

  Mr. Thorn : I can see this is going to be a long year.

  Junior : [angrily]  5, all right? The answer is 5!

  Mr. Thorn : You!

  [walks over to Junior's desk] 

  Mr. Thorn : What're you saying?

  Junior : Uh, I said 5.

  Mr. Thorn : Dandy, I'm glad someone's paying attention here.

• Mr. Thorn : [Notices Junior entering his classroom for the first time] 

  [Annoyed and overwhelmed] 

  Mr. Thorn : Oh, no! Not another one! How many kids are they gonna make me teach?

• [Junior is confronting Trixie in the girls' bathroom] 

  Trixie : You're gonna wish you'd never been born.

  Junior : [sarcastically]  Ooh, I'm really scared! I'm being threatened by the Ty-D-Bowl Girl.

  [places his hands on his hips] 

  Junior : Now, why have you been bugging me?

  Trixie : [rudely pushes Junior back]  I'll bug whoever I want. This is my school.

  Junior : Says who?

  Trixie : Me and my M-80.

  [whips out an M-80, lights it and hands it to Junior] 

  Junior : Whoa! Whooa!

  Trixie : Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

  Junior : You're insane!

  [flings the M-80 into the toilet and flushes it] 

  Junior : Let's get outta here!

  [Junior and Trixie flee the bathroom, screaming. Mr. Thorn frantically runs through the hallway with his newspaper, in a rush to get to the bathroom, not knowing that the M-80 is traveling through the pipes] 

  Mr. Thorn : [hurries into the bathroom and pushes by another man]  Out of my way! I can't hold this one until recess.

  [picks the first working stall, drops his pants, sits on the toilet, and sighs in relief] 

  Mr. Thorn : This is gonna feel so good.

  [grabs his newspaper. The M-80 explodes directly under the toilet he is using, blasting him out of his shoes, and shooting toilet water everywhere] 

  Mr. Thorn : Ahhhhhh...