What About Bob? (1991)

Bill Murray: Bob Wiley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Leo Marvin : I want some peace and quiet!

  Bob Wiley : Well, I'll be quiet.

  Siggy : I'll be peace!

  [Bob and Siggy burst into giggles] 

• Dr. Leo Marvin : Are you married?

  Bob Wiley : I'm divorced.

  Dr. Leo Marvin : Would you like to talk about that?

  Bob Wiley : There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.

  Dr. Leo Marvin : [pause]  I see. So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multiphobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she... liked Neil Diamond?

• Dr. Leo Marvin : You think he's gone? He's not gone. That's the whole point! He's never gone!

  [Leo opens the door; there's Bob] 

  Bob Wiley : Is this some radical new therapy?

  Dr. Leo Marvin : YOU SEE?

• Bob Wiley : [telling a joke]  The doctor draws two circles and says "What do you see?" the guy says "Sex."

  [everybody laughs] 

  Bob Wiley : Wait a minute, I haven't even told the joke yet! So the doctor draws trees, "What do you see?" the guy says "sex". The doctor draws a car, owl, "Sex, sex, sex". The doctor says to him "You are obsessed with sex", he replies "Well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"

• Bob Wiley : [speaking to workers in a mental hospital]  It reminds me of my favorite poem, which is, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic... and so am I!"

• [Leo has a rifle pointed at Bob] 

  Bob Wiley : What are we doing?

  Dr. Leo Marvin : Death Therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.

• Bob Wiley : You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting profanity?

  Dr. Leo Marvin : It's exceptionally rare.

  Bob Wiley : Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch! Bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead, BITCH!

  Dr. Leo Marvin : Why exactly are you doing this?

  Bob Wiley : If I fake it, then I don't have it.

• [first lines] 

  Bob Wiley : I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful...

• [Leo is strapping a bomb to Bob] 

  Dr. Leo Marvin : This is black powder, Bob. One teaspoon of this stuff can blow up a tree stump. There we go!

  Bob Wiley : And, how much is this?

  Dr. Leo Marvin : Twenty pounds worth.

• Siggy : I mean, my Dad just dropped me in the water, without warning me first. I mean, I nearly drowned! My whole life flashed before my eyes!

  Bob Wiley : Wow, you're lucky you're only twelve.

  Siggy : It was still grim.

• [talking to his fish] 

  Bob Wiley : Good morning, Gil. I said, good morning, Gil.

• Bob Wiley : [Privately conversing with the Marvin family on front porch about Dr. Marvin]  We can't be expected to understand him. He is so far above us. We are like ropes on the Goodyear Blimp.

• Bob Wiley : Goodbye, rat-dick suck-nut!

  Siggy : [upstairs]  Bye, dog-pissing-barf!

  Dr. Leo Marvin : [screams from the bottom of the stairs]  Sigmund!

  Bob Wiley : Later, testicle-head bosom-beaver!

  [looks out the window] 

  Bob Wiley : Good Morning America's here!

• Bob Wiley : Isn't this a breakthrough, that I'm a sailor? I sail? I sail now?

  Dr. Leo Marvin : Keep sailing, Bob!

• Bob Wiley : [to man on bus]  Hi, I'm Bob. Would you knock me out, please? Just hit me in the face.

• Bob Wiley : ...baby step onto the elevator... baby step into the elevator... I'm *in* the elevator.

  [doors close] 

  Bob Wiley : AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

• Bob Wiley : Excuse me, Phil, but with these particular symptoms, is Prozac the right choice?

  Lily Marvin : You think Prozac is a mistake?

  Bob Wiley : Well, with this kind of manic episode, I would think Librium might be a more effective management tool.

  Phil : You could be right. I'll rewrite the prescription.

• Bob Wiley : [riding in Leo's car, speaking as Leo drives]  It was an interesting morning, fruitful. But it lacked the intensity that you and I generate together, the sparks that we get one-on-one. We just gotta figure out a way to work around your schedule. Could we work afternoons? Two to four? Three to five? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?

  Dr. Leo Marvin : AHHHHHH!

  [slams the brakes, gets out of the car, walks around, and opens Bob's door] 

  Bob Wiley : Are you saying you'd rather work mornings?

  Dr. Leo Marvin : [nearly incomprehensible]  GET OUTTA THE CAR!

• Dr. Leo Marvin : You understand, don't you? There's no other solution. You won't go away.

  Bob Wiley : I will.

  Dr. Leo Marvin : No, you won't. You're just *saying* you will! But then, after I don't kill you, you'll show up again. And you'll do something else to make everyone in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a schmuck. But I'm not a schmuck, Bob, and I'm not going to let you breeze into town and take my family away from me, just because you're crazy enough to be *fun*.

• Bob Wiley : [eating corn]  Oh, Fay, this is so scrumptious. Is this hand-shucked?

• Bob Wiley : Well, I get dizzy spells, nausea, cold sweats, hot sweats, fever blisters, difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, blurred vision, involuntary trembling, dead hands, numb lips, fingernail sensitivity, pelvic discomfort.

  Dr. Leo Marvin : So the real question is, what is the crisis, Bob? What is it you're truly afraid of?

  Bob Wiley : What if my heart stops beating? What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find it, and... my bladder explodes?

• Bob Wiley : [to himself]  ... baby steps get on the bus, baby steps down the aisle, baby steps...

• Bob Wiley : [Leo is pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding after leaving Bob on the side of a road and is mumbling incoherently. Bob passes by in a pickup truck]  Ahoy! Excuse me officer, can you make sure he's home by 7?

  [Bob displays 7 fingers for the direction] 

  Motorcycle Cop : Hey, didn't I see that guy on TV?

  [Motorcycle Cop tears off ticket for Leo, who then snatches it angrily] 

• Bob Wiley : Baby step to four o'clock. Baby step to four o'clock.

• [Bob and Siggy are jumping on their beds, faking Tourette's syndrome] 

  Bob Wiley : Shit-for-brains!

  Siggy : Butthead!

  Bob Wiley : Dingleberry butt!

  Siggy : Snot face!

  Bob Wiley : Vulture Vomit!

  Siggy : Turkey tits! Belch breath!

• Bob Wiley : What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find one, and my bladder explodes?

• [Last Lines] 

  Minister : Bob Wiley, would you have Lily Marvin to be your beloved wedded wife, to cherish and love till death do you part?

  Bob Wiley : I do.

  Minister : Lily Marvin, would you have Bob Wiley to be your beloved wedded husband, to cherish and love till death do you part?

  Lily Marvin : [smiling]  I do.

  [Bob heaves a sigh of relief. Bob and Lily smile at one another] 

  Minister : If anyone wishes to express why these two shouldn't join together in matrimony... speak now, or forever hold your peace.

  [the catatonic Leo jiggles his head and makes throaty sounds. No one notices, even Bob, who is looking around] 

  Minister : Then, By the power invested in me and the state of New York. I pronounce you, man and wife.

  Dr. Leo Marvin : [suddenly stands up and shouts]  NO!

  Siggy : [excitedly shouts]  Dad's back!

  Anna Marvin : Daddy!

  Lily Marvin : Leo!

  Lily Marvin : [rushing over]  Leo!

  [the family surrounds the recovered Leo as everyone applauds] 

• [the Marvins have told Bob to leave, and they are saying their farewells] 

  Siggy : Goodbye, green-puking pissant.

  Bob Wiley : Later, barf-breath douche-mouth.

• Dr. Leo Marvin : You do understand, Bob, don't you? There's no other solution. You won't go away.

  Bob Wiley : Oh, yes I will.

• Bob Wiley : [during dinner]  Fay, this is delicious. Mmm. Mmmmm.

  Dr. Leo Marvin : Will you STOP that, please?

• Bob Wiley : I'm sailing! I'm sailing! I'm saaailing!

• Nursing Home Guard : Hey, you're Bob Wiley, aren't you?

  Bob Wiley : [excitedly]  Yeah.

  Nursing Home Guard : I saw you on TV. You were great.

• Bob Wiley : Leo, I see salt and pepper... is there a salt substitute?