Josh and S.A.M. (1993)

Jacob Tierney: Josh

Photos 

Quotes 

• Josh Whitney : Dad can I be excused?

  Thom : For God's sake, Josh, clean your plate!

  [Josh stands up and scoops all the food off his plate] 

  Josh Whitney : Is that clean enough?

  Thom : Go to your room.

  Josh Whitney : You're *in* my damn room!

• Delivery Man : [Italian accent]  Now de credit card, Jean Pierre LaTorette?

  Josh Whitney : Yeah, he's out in the field going to the bathroom. Yeah, he's out there in the field with diarrhea.

  Delivery Man : Diarrhea?

  Josh Whitney : Diarrhea.

  Deliver Man : That's nice.

• Josh Whitney : You know, Sam, I didn't want to mention this with Mom around but I know a place where all kids who have to repeat a grade get together. It's way beyond the Bluffs, high above the Pacific Coast highway.

  Sam Whitney : What do they do there?

  Josh Whitney : Jump off.

• Josh Whitney : What can I do? I'm a wanted man with a screwed up brother.

• Derek Baxter : I knew it!

  Josh Whitney : Knew what Mr. Baxter?

  Derek Baxter : Don't call me that, Josh, call me Dad.

• Derek Baxter : There's this one thing I want to ask you Josh?, What day were you born on?

  Josh Whitney : umm... uh... June 17th

  Derek Baxter : That's uh, nine months back, that's the night we beat Carling, that's perfect... woo-hoo... that's homecoming night, I knew it!

  Josh Whitney : Knew what Mr. Baxter?

  Derek Baxter : Don't call me that... (blushes)... Call me Dad!

• Josh Whitney : Doesn't it make you feel sad inside?

  Sam Whitney : Genetically altered inside. I'm all metal and wires. It's cold. I don't feel things the way you do.

• Josh Whitney : Sam you're a genius!

  Sam Whitney : Yeah well it's not my fault. They made me that way.

• Sam Whitney : You're not my brother anymore!

  Josh Whitney : What?

  Sam Whitney : I just decided it, the same way Dad isn't Mom's Husband anymore

  Josh Whitney : You must be dumber than Dad's stepsons, you can't divorce me

  Sam Whitney : uh-huh, he can take you away like he took the lawn mower and the barbeque

  Josh Whitney : Doesn't matter, i'd still be your brother wherever I was , evwn if I was a thousand million miles away!

  Sam Whitney : I wish you were!

• Josh Whitney : I just saw Jean Pierre on 60 Minutes confessing everything. He was in the shadows but I could tell by those big lips of his.

• [last lines] 

  Sam Whitney : Last night, Dad left his safe open and there was a file inside.

  Josh Whitney : So?

  Sam Whitney : It was about you.

• Josh Whitney : I made it all up.

  Alison : Even the Liberty Maid?

  Josh Whitney : Yes, I got your hair and red hat off a juice box.

  Alison : Lord almighty, I've met my maker.

• [after Josh tells Sam to bite on a piece of tin foil] 

  Sam Whitney : OW!

  Josh Whitney : Oh God, Sam, you're activated.

• Josh Whitney : Dad is sending you off to fight a war just to he can send the buttholes to football camp.

• Jean-Pierre LaTorette : [answers the phone]  Hello, Jean-Pierre here.

  Josh Whitney : [in a deep voice]  Uh, Caroline Whitney, please.

  Jean-Pierre LaTorette : I'm sorry, my wife cannot come to the phone right now.

  Josh Whitney : [in regular voice]  Your wife?

• Josh Whitney : I just discovered something really bad that I have to tell you about.

  Sam Whitney : I already know you're a homo.

• [Derek sees a picture of the family in the house Josh broke into] 

  Derek Baxter : That's Michelle and who's this guy?

  Josh Whitney : I don't know, but listen Dad. Maybe you can teach me to play pool or something.

  Derek Baxter : Don't you call me that. The others, they put you up to this?, Didn't they?

  Josh Whitney : No, I made it up myself. I'm sorry!

  Derek Baxter : [angrily]  I should have known you weren't mine you scrawny little rat.