The Mask (1994)
Jim Carrey: Stanley Ipkiss, The Mask
Photos
Quotes
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[repeated line]
The Mask : S-ssss-ssss-sssss-smokin'!
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The Mask : Ooh, somebody stop me!
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[after being shot, in a Southern accent]
Mask : Hold me closer, Ed, it's getting dark.
[coughs]
Mask : Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out.
[coughs, in a British accent]
Mask : Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas
[coughs, imitating Clark Gable]
Mask : Tell Scarlett I do give a damn.
[coughs in Orlando's face, raspberries, then farts]
Mask : Pardon me.
[he dies, the Peanut Gallery appears and applauds while The Mask is handed an acting award]
Mask : Thank you, you love me, you really love me!
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The Mask : [standing in front of a mirror, in the process of going out to a club] It's party time. P, A, R, T, why? Because I gotta!
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Doyle : [frisking the Mask] Really big sunglasses.
Park Policeman : Bike horn.
Doyle : Small mouth bass.
Park Policeman : Bowling pin.
Doyle : [Yells in pain] Mouse trap.
Park Policeman : Rubber chicken.
Mask : A little to the left... that's it.
Doyle : [squeezes a stress releaver toy a few times] Mmmm, I don't know. Funny eyeball glasses?
Mask : I've never seen those before in my life.
Park Policeman : Bazooka?
Mask : I have a permit for that.
Doyle : [going through The Mask's pocket] Picture of Kellaway's wife.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [shocked] What?
Mask : [mockingly] Uh-oh.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [sees a photo of his wife in a sexy nightgown with the words 'Call Me Lover! 555-9371' written on it] Margaret! You son of a bitch!
[He tries to punch the Mask, but the Mask easily dodges him]
Mask : Geez, I figured you had a sense of humor. After all - you married her!
[slaps both Kellaway and Doyle in the face repeatedly]
Mask : That's gotta hurt.
[makes a silly face and runs off]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Get him!
[looks down to see his and Doyle's wrists are handcuffed to each other]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Doyle!
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The Mask : [a bomb has just exploded inside the Mask, leading to a fiery belch; Italian accent] That's a spicy meatball!
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[the Mask pulls out his guns and aims them at Dorian's henchman]
The Mask : [In Clint Eastwood voice] Now you have to ask yourself one question. "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya? Punks!
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Ipkiss! Police! Freeze!
[the Mask freezes in mid-air]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Put your hands up.
The Mask : [his teeth are frozen together] But you told me to freeze!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : All right, all right. Un-freeze.
[the Mask un-freezes and falls to the ground]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : You're under arrest.
[pulls out his cuffs]
The Mask : No! It wasn't me! It was the One-Armed Man!
[regular voice]
The Mask : All right, I confess! I did it, ya hear? And I'm glad! GLAD, I TELL YA!
[gets down on his knees and puts his hands up together]
The Mask : What are they gonna do to me, Sarge? WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [puts the cuffs on The Mask's wrists] Sorry, son. That's not my department. Search him.
The Mask : [the cops bring The Mask to his feet] Ow! Where's a cam-corder when you need one?
[snorts in laughter, Kellaway nods as if to say "touché"]
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The Mask : [Flattened from landing on the street] Look Ma, I'm roadkill!
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The Mask : Our love is like a red, red rose... and I am a little thorny.
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Dorian Tyrell : Okay, Twinkle Toes. I want to know where my money is, and I want to know right now.
The Mask : Okay.
[sits on stool and takes out an adding machine]
The Mask : You've got 17.5% in T-bills amortized over the fiscal year, 8% in stocks and bonds. Carry the 9, divide by the Gross National Product... fortunately, funeral bouquets are deductible.
Dorian Tyrell : [to henchman] Ice this deadbeat!
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Mr. Dickey : Ipkiss, we have a crisis on our hands here and you stroll in over an hour late? If I have to put up with your slovenly behavior...
Stanley Ipkiss : BACK OFF, Monkey Boy, before I tell your daddy you're running this place like it's your own personal piggy bank. Or maybe we should call the IRS, and see if we can arrange a little vacation for you at Club FED!
Mr. Dickey : [shocked from being told off by his employee] That'll be all, Ipkiss.
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The Mask : Je t'adore. Je t'window. I don't care!
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The Mask : [Pulls out a condom in front of a bunch of thugs] Sorry, wrong pocket.
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Mask : [about to attack the mechanics who cheated him earlier] Hold on to your lugnuts, it's tiiiiime for an overhaul!
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The Mask : [to Dorian, after defeating him] You were good, kid, real good. But as long as I'm around, you'll always be second best, see?
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Mask : Hold on, Sugar! Daddy's got a sweet tooth tonight!
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Bobby the Bouncer : Uh, are you on the list?
The Mask : Noooo. But I believe my friends are. Perhaps you know them.
[He takes fistfuls of high denomination cash out of his pocket]
The Mask : Franklin, Grant, and... Jackson?
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Stanley Ipkiss : [to his dog Milo, after he manages to sneak into Stanley's prison cell] Good boy. See that man over there?
[looks at the sleeping prison guard]
Stanley Ipkiss : He's got keys. Yeah. Go get those keys. Go get 'em! Go get the keys! Go get 'em!
[lets Milo go. Milo slips through the prison cells and jumps onto the guard's desk]
Stanley Ipkiss : That's it. Okay, get the...
[Milo turns around with a piece of cheese in his mouth]
Stanley Ipkiss : No, not the *cheese!* The *keys!*
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Stanley Ipkiss : [last lines; on a bridge with Tina, holding the mask in his hand] You sure you're not gonna miss this guy? Once he's gone, all that's left is me.
[Without a word, Tina takes it from him, throws it into the water, then grabs and kisses him. Meanwhile, Charlie, watching them, gets out of the car and rushes over to the edge of the bridge to look for the mask. He sees it floating in the water, so he climbs over the railing and jumps in. Before he can reach it, however, he sees Milo swimming off with it, as if to keep Charlie away from the mask]
Charlie Schumacher : [shocked] MILO!
Stanley Ipkiss : [Meanwhile, back on the bridge, Stanley and Tina finally pull out of their kiss. A wide grin crosses Stanley's face] SSSMOKIN'!
[Before the freeze, Stanley dips Tina and kisses her again]
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Mrs. Peenman : Ipkiss, do you have any idea what time it is?
Stanley Ipkiss : Actually, no.
Mrs. Peenman : [spots his wet feet on her carpet] My new carpet! Well, this is coming right out of your security deposit, Ipkiss!
Stanley Ipkiss : You know, Mrs. Peenman...
Mrs. Peenman : What?
Stanley Ipkiss : [dejectedly] Nothing.
Mrs. Peenman : Well, that's what you are, Ipkiss, a big nothing!
Stanley Ipkiss : [after Mrs. Peenman slams her door] Aren't you due back at the lab to have your BOLTS tightened?
[to himself]
Stanley Ipkiss : I should've said that.
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Alley Punk #1 : Hey, mister! You got the time?
The Mask : As a matter of fact I do, Cubby.
[pulls out a wind up alarm clock]
The Mask : LOOK AT THAT! It's exactly two seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head!
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Charlie Schumacher : [referring to Tina] A girl like that is always looking for the BBD: Bigger Better Deal.
Stanley Ipkiss : You don't know that, Charlie. She's an artist. She's... she's sensitive.
Charlie Schumacher : Stanley, forget her. That girl will tear your heart out, put it in a blender and hit "frappe." You don't need her, man. You need somebody a little more down to earth. Somebody with some integrity. Somebody with...
[sees Peggy]
Charlie Schumacher : Red hair and full pouty lips, a white blouse, a green jacket and a name tag.
Stanley Ipkiss : [sarcastically] Boy, you really narrowed it down.
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Somebody STOLE your pajamas?
Stanley Ipkiss : [seeing Milo jump at the closet door where the stolen money is] Milo, no! I mean, uh, what is this world coming to when a man's... *pajama drawer* is no longer safe?
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Mask : You were good kid, real good. But as long as I'm around, you'll always be second best, see?
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The Mask : [after falling out an apartment window, the Mask pulls his head out of the ground and faces the camera] Look, Ma! I'm road kill! Ha, ha, ha!
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The Mask : Can't make the scene if you don't have the green.
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Maggie : Stanley, you are the nicest guy. Really, you are.
Stanley Ipkiss : Yeah?
Maggie : Charlie, isn't Stanley the nicest guy?
Charlie Schumacher : The best.
[Maggie walks off]
Charlie Schumacher : That was THE most sickening display I've ever seen.
Stanley Ipkiss : I disagree. I think I'm wearing her down.
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Stanley Ipkiss : It's a power tie. It's supposed to make you feel... powerful.
Tina Carlyle : Does it work?
Stanley Ipkiss : [knowing it doesn't work, tries changing the subject] Now, uh, how about that account? We have...
[nervously jams a pen in the pencil sharpener, making a loud grinding noise]
Stanley Ipkiss : Checking, savings and checking, CDs, savings and CDs, checking and CDs, savings, checking, and CDs, T-bills, or we can just take all your money and throw it in a big mattress back there.
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Ipkiss? Stanley Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss : Yes?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Lt. Kellaway, city precinct. You know anything about the disturbance last night?
Stanley Ipkiss : Dis... turbance?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Yeah, some kind of prowler broke in and attacked Mrs. Peenman.
Stanley Ipkiss : Attacked?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : You didn't hear anything? She unloaded a couple of rounds of buckshot 5 feet from your door.
[Stanley sees Mrs. Peenman complaining about big hole in floor]
Stanley Ipkiss : This is... impossible.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Those pajamas are impossible. This actually happened.
Stanley Ipkiss : See, I have an inner ear problem. Sometimes I can't hear anything.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Is that a fact?
Stanley Ipkiss : Eh?
[laughs]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Here's my card. If you remember anything unusual about last night, anything at all, call me.
Stanley Ipkiss : You betcha. Thank you. And good luck... cracking the case.
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[Tyrell and Ipkiss are fighting at the club]
Dorian Tyrell : I'm gonna take you apart.
Stanley Ipkiss : Well, I hope you can enjoy the victory with one freakin' eye!
[Ipkiss pokes Tyrell in the eye]
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Tina Carlyle : [meeting Stanley outside of the club] Mr. Ipkiss. Hi.
Stanley Ipkiss : [stunned] Hi.
Tina Carlyle : [sees his dirty clothes, half-amused] You okay?
Stanley Ipkiss : Me? Oh, I'm great. Really good. I just... I've never felt better, really. I'm just, uh, catching some air out here.
Parking Valet : [pulls up in Stanley's loaner vehicle] Your car, sir.
Stanley Ipkiss : [chuckles to Tina] That's not my car.
Parking Valet : But it matches the ticket.
Stanley Ipkiss : [frustrated] All right, I'll take it. But I am VERY angry.
[to Tina]
Stanley Ipkiss : Can you believe this? You drive in in a Porsche...
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Stanley Ipkiss : [Tina's being chased by one of Dorian's henchmen] Hey, guard, there's a woman being chased in the alley there.
Guard : [uncaring] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep it down.
Stanley Ipkiss : C'mon, MAN! SERVE AND PROTECT!
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Tina Carlyle : [during her visit to Stanley's prison cell] Thanks.
Stanley Ipkiss : For what?
Tina Carlyle : Lots of things. Sharing the sunset with me. For being the only guy whose ever treated me like a person and not some sort of party favor. For being any kind of romantic. Even a hopeless one.
Stanley Ipkiss : [sadly] You're welcome.
Tina Carlyle : You know that night at the club? I knew I'd found someone special.
Stanley Ipkiss : [rolls his eyes] The Mask.
Tina Carlyle : No, it was the guy inside the mask. It was you all along. You, Stanley Ip... kiss.
[They lean in to kiss but the guard interrupts them]
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Stanley Ipkiss : [opens the door] Hi, Lieutenant. This isn't a good time right now, so...
[Kellaway enters]
Stanley Ipkiss : Won't you come in?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Where were you last night, Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss : Here, mostly. Is something wrong?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : What do you know about this Mask character?
Stanley Ipkiss : [chuckles] Mask?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Don't insult my intelligence, Ipkiss. He robs the bank you work in and then I find this in the Coco Bongo.
[shows Stanley a piece of his pajamas]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : There can't be 2 idiots with pajamas like these.
[Milo is trying to open the door to the closet where the money is stashed away]
Stanley Ipkiss : Milo, no!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : May I see those pajamas, Mr. Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss : Those, uh, those pajamas were, uh... stolen.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Somebody stole your pajamas?
Stanley Ipkiss : [grabs Milo] Yeah. I mean, what is the city coming to when a man's pajama drawer is no longer safe?
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Stanley Ipkiss : [looking wistfully at the newspaper clipping of Tina] Stupid. She would never...
[He turns and sees the mask lying on the sofa. Slowly, he walks over to it, holds it, but then throws it over the sofa]
Stanley Ipkiss : No way.
[Walks away, stops, then jumps back over the sofa and puts it on]
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Stanley Ipkiss : [Being lifted by bodyguards] You put me down, or I am never coming back here!
[They drop him on the ground painfully]
Stanley Ipkiss : [Weakly] Thanks.
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Peggy Brandt : Hi, I'm Peggy Brandt from the Tribune.
Stanley Ipkiss : Oh, hi. Look, I cancelled my subscription because they kept stealing my paper from the...
Peggy Brandt : Oh, no, actually, I just want to ask you a few questions.
Stanley Ipkiss : Really? About what?
Peggy Brandt : Ripley Auto Finishing. You're a customer of theirs, aren't you?
Stanley Ipkiss : Me? No. I don't even have a car. You know, 'cause they pollute.
Peggy Brandt : You don't own an '89 Civic?
Stanley Ipkiss : Oh, that car, yeah. Yeah. It's all coming back to me.
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The Mask : And now, like Napoleon, I will divide and conquer.
[about to kiss Tina]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Ipkiss! Police!
The Mask : Merde.
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Dorian Tyrell : [as his henchman are dangling Stanley over a printing machine, threatening to kill him] Stanley! Tell me. How's this mask work?
Stanley Ipkiss : [scared] I don't know! You just put it on!
[Dorian is about to put on the mask]
Eddy : Boss! You better be careful, huh?
[Dorian puts on the mask and transforms himself into a monstrous version of the Mask]
Dorian Tyrell : [now in deepend voice] What a rush!
Eddy : Wow, boss! You're okay?
Dorian Tyrell : Better than ever, you idiot.
Eddy : What do we do with Ipkiss?
Dorian Tyrell : The police are looking for the Mask. So, we'll give them the Mask.
[laughs evilly]
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Stanley Ipkiss : [explaining how The Mask works] It's like it brings your innermost desires to life. If deep down you're a little repressed, and a hopeless romantic, you become some kind of love-crazy wild man.
Tina Carlyle : And if you're someone like Dorian?
Stanley Ipkiss : Then we're all in big trouble. And if I were you, I'd get out of town, fast.
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Stanley Ipkiss : [imitating Dr. Neuman] That's correct, Wendy. We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking.
[Stanley laughs, puts on mask, it starts to suck on his face and he pulls it off]
Stanley Ipkiss : [bewildered] Yeah, right.
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Mrs. Peenman : [banging on his door] Ipkiss, turn down those cartoons!
Stanley Ipkiss : All right, Mrs. PeenMAN!
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Charlie Schumacher : The Coco Bongo Club. Hottest new joint in town. Only the creme de la creme need apply.
Stanley Ipkiss : So how do we get in?
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Tina Carlyle : [about Dorian, with the mask] He's going to the charity ball tonight. He's gonna do something terrible.
Stanley Ipkiss : [sarcastically] Like what, the Lambada?
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Stanley Ipkiss : Milo, you stay here and be a good boy. Daddy's gonna have to go kick some ass.
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [Stanley has taken Kellaway hostage and is driving frantically to the Charity Ball to stop Dorian] Let me out of these cuffs, Ipkiss! You're driving like a maniac!
Stanley Ipkiss : [agitated] I'm sorry! We're already late for the ball!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [cynically] Right. Alice and the White Rabbit are gonna be REALLY disappointed.
Stanley Ipkiss : [annoyed] Now you're being cynical.
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Stanley Ipkiss : When I put on that mask, I can do anything. Be anything.
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Tina Carlyle : [visiting Stanley in jail] Is it true?
[Stanley nods]
Tina Carlyle : You're the Mask.
Mask : Yeah, but don't tell anybody. If I get... a good lawyer and strike up a deal... I'll be out of here in about 10,000 years.
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Stanley Ipkiss : [to Kellaway] Hi, lieutenant. Listen, this isn't the best time right now for a...
[Kellaway enters]
Stanley Ipkiss : Won't you come in?
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The Mask : [Pretending he got shot from one of the thugs while dressed as a cowboy] You got me, partner
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[Stanley is at Dr. Neuman's office. Dr. Neuman examines the mask]
Dr. Arthur Neuman : This is an interesting piece, Mr. Ipkiss. Looks like fourth or fifth century Scandinavian, possibly a representation of one of the Norse night gods... maybe Loki.
Stanley Ipkiss : Loki? Who's Loki?
Dr. Arthur Neuman : The Norse god of mischief. Supposedly he caused so much trouble, that Odin banished him from Valhalla forever.
Stanley Ipkiss : Then he could've banished him into that mask!
Dr. Arthur Neuman : I'm talking about mythology, Mr. Ipkiss. This is a piece of wood.
[Stanley approaches Dr. Neuman, handing him his book "The Masks We Wear"]
Stanley Ipkiss : But your book!
Dr. Arthur Neuman : My book is about masks as metaphor, Mr. Ipkiss. A metaphor... not to be taken literally.
[Dr. Neuman puts the book on his desk]
Dr. Arthur Neuman : You're suffering from mild delusion.
Stanley Ipkiss : [nods] All right.
[Stanley picks up the mask]
Stanley Ipkiss : I'm going to prove it to you.
[Stanley walks to the corner of the room]
Stanley Ipkiss : But I am not responsible for the consequences. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, Mr. Expert.
Dr. Arthur Neuman : [indifferently] You don't scare me, Mr. Ipkiss. Go right ahead.
Stanley Ipkiss : See ya.
[Stanley presses the mask to his face, but nothing happens. He moans and hops around, wails, waves his hands, but still nothing. Dr. Neuman watches him unimpressed. Stanley removes the mask and approaches Dr. Neuman]
Stanley Ipkiss : Okay! You said Loki was a night god. Maybe it only works at night.
Dr. Arthur Neuman : Mr. Ipkiss, I feel I should warn you, that I don't work personally with really sick people. There are private institutions for things like that. However, if you would like me to arrange for a safe environment for you tonight, I can do that.
Stanley Ipkiss : No.
[Stanley sits at the desk opposite of Dr. Neuman]
Stanley Ipkiss : [anxiously] I've got to see Tina. But what do I do? I mean, do I go as myself or the Mask?
Dr. Arthur Neuman : [dryly] If I tell you, you promise to leave my office right now?
[Stanley nods]
Dr. Arthur Neuman : All right.
[Dr. Neuman stands, approaches Stanley, places his hand on his right shoulder, and pats on his left shoulder]
Dr. Arthur Neuman : Mr. Ipkiss, go as yourself and as the Mask, because they are both one and the same beautiful person.
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Stanley Ipkiss : I'm here for the Civic.
Irv : The brake drums are shot and you need a new transmission.
Stanley Ipkiss : What? All I wanted was an oil change!
Burt : Well, you're lucky we caught these problems now before they cause you some serious trouble.
