Billy Madison (1995)

Larry Hankin: Carl Alphonse

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carl : I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.

  Eric : Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.

  Carl : I'm sorry.

  Eric : Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?

• Billy Madison : Hey, Carl. What's up?

  Carl : Nothing much, Billy. I see you got a little sun today.

  Billy Madison : You think so? I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours.

  Eric : Did you fall asleep or did you pass out?

  Billy Madison : [sarcastic laughter]  Shut up!

• [Billy Madison is having big party for passing 2nd grade] 

  Eric : [very stressed out]  Is he going to have a stupid party every time he passes a grade?

  Carl : You know, everyone's having a good time but you.

  [a girl is now trying to reach into Eric's suit jacket] 

  Eric : [shoeing her away]  Spoiled snot. Get outta here!

• Carl : Billy is not an idiot.

  Eric : I'm not saying he's an idiot. I just think he might not be mature enough to run a Fortune Five Hundred company.

• Brian Madison : [as he turns around while sitting down]  What a mess. First this psycho goes on TV, lies, then retracts it, and now Eric's secretary is in a coma. Carl, has anybody been able to find out anything about this Max guy?

  Carl : No, sir. He's vanished. Nobody has any idea where he is.

  Eric : I believed in Billy all along, sir.

  Billy Madison : [to Eric]  Oh, cut the horseshit! I know you blackmailed Max.

  Brian Madison : Take it easy, Billy. Things were going along great until this wrestling freak messed things up. Billy should get another shot at high school.

  Eric : Hey, rules are rules. Billy was supposed to finish each grade within the two weeks or I get the company. He didn't finish ninth grade.

  Carl : Eric, certainly there are extenuating circumstances.

  Eric : Extenuating, "exschmenuating". We had a deal. A signed, written deal. Each grade, two weeks, or I get the company.

  Brian Madison : Well, technically you're right, but...

  Eric : [before Brian could continue talking, Eric interrupts him]  Oh, shut up, Brian. I've had to listen to your jawing for too long. "Well, technically..." Blah, blah, blah! Just shut up! So, are you ready to hand the company over to me now?

  Brian Madison : No.

  Eric : Then, I'll see your ass in court.

  Brian Madison : Good.

  Eric : [to Brian, Billy and Carl]  Nice talkin' to ya, shitheads.

  [then Eric laughs and attemps to leave Brain's office]