Clueless (1995)

Paul Rudd: Josh

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Quotes 

• Cher : I want to do something for humanity.

  Josh : How about sterilization?

• Josh : Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?

  Cher : Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.

  Josh : Stop it, you're making me blush.

• Cher : Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it.

  Lucy : He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him.

  Cher : Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.

  Lucy : I NOT A MEXICAN.

  Lucy : [storms off] 

  Cher : Great, what was that all about?

  Josh : Lucy's from El Salvador.

  Cher : So?

  Josh : So, it's an entirely different country.

  Cher : What does that matter?

  Josh : You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset.

• Josh : Do you have any idea what you're talking about?

  Cher : No. Why, does it sound like I do?

• Josh : You want to practice parking?

  Cher : What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.

• Josh : You look like Pippi Longstocking.

  Cher : Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?

  Josh : Someone Mel Gibson never played.

• Josh : We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.

  Cher : Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees. Why don't you just hire a gardener?

  Josh : You know, maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause - make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is...

  Cher : Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy, and as soon I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance.

  Josh : Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock.

  Cher : Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

• Mel : I'd like to see you have a little direction.

  Cher : I have direction!

  Josh : Yeah, towards the mall.

• Josh : Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.

  Cher : I am. You try driving in platforms.

• Cher : You are such a brown-noser.

  Josh : Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades?

  Cher : The fact that I've done it every other semester.

• Josh : I think I'd really like to check out Environmental Law.

  Mel : Why? You want to have a miserable, frustrating life?

  Cher : Oh, Josh will have that no matter what he does.

  Mel : At least he knows what he's doing. And he's in a good college. I'd like to see you have a little bit of direction.

  Cher : I have direction.

  Josh : Yeah, towards the mall.

• Josh : [while watching news about a war in Bosnia]  You look confused.

  Cher : Well, I thought they declared peace in the Middle East.

• Mel : Josh, are you still growing? You look taller than you did at Easter.

  Josh : I don't think so.

  Mel : Doesn't he look bigger?

  Cher : His head does.

• Josh : Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.

  Cher : Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?

• Cher : Sporadically. It means once in a while. Try to use it in a sentence.

  Josh : [later]  Be seeing you.

  Tai : Yeah, I hope not sporadically.

• Josh : Wow, you're fillin' out there.

  Cher : Wow, your face is catching up with your mouth.

• Josh : Hey, just because my mother marries someone else, doesn't mean he's my father.

  Cher : Actually, Kato, that's exactly what it means.

• Josh : So you don't want to make a night of it with the Ring a Ding Kid?

• Josh : [singing]  Rollin' with the homies.

  Tai : [repeating, also singing]  Rollin' with the homies.

• Cher : Hey, granola breath, you got something on your chin.

  Josh : l'm growing a goatee.

  Cher : Well, that's good. You don't wanna be the last one at the coffee house without chin pubes.

• Josh : You've never had a mother, so you're acting out on that poor girl like she was your Barbie doll.

• Cher : What do you think?

  Josh : I'm amazed.

  Cher : That l am devoting myself so generously to someone else?

  Josh : No. That you found someone even more clueless than you are to worship you.

  Cher : l am rescuing her from teenage hell!

• Cher : It was really decent of you to dance with Tai tonight.

  Josh : My pleasure.

  Cher : Did you notice any positive changes in her?

  Josh : Yeah. Under your tutelage, she's exploring the challenging world of bare midriffs.

• Josh : l can't believe l'm taking advice from someone who watches cartoons.

• Josh : What's with you?

  Cher : What do you mean?

  Josh : You're so quiet. You haven't made me watch "The Real World".

• Josh : You don't need to be doing this. Go out and have fun. Go shopping.

  Cher : You think that's all l do? l'm just a ditz with a credit card?