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Nine Months (1995) Poster

(1995)

Quotes

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Gail Dwyer: I hate you! You did this to me you miserable piece of dick-brained, horseshit slime-sucking son of a whore bitch!

Marty: That's perfect! I got it all on film, the kids will love it!

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Dr. Kosevich: I've got it! Nurse, call the Anesthesiologist, this woman needs an enema!

NurseSamuel FaulknerRebecca Taylor: An enema?

Dr. Kosevich: No, uh, she needs a pedicure!

Nurse: This ain't no goddam beauty parlor!

Dr. Kosevich: Epitath!

Samuel Faulkner: She's not dead, you moron!

Dr. Kosevich: Epidermus... Uh...

Rebecca Taylor: Epidural, asshole!

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Dr. Kosevich: You have a girl. Unless I cut the wrong cord.

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Dr. Kosevich: [drunk] We'll crack open another bottle just as soon as I circumcise your son!

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Gail Dwyer: Who is that, honey?

Marty: It's, uh, my mother.

Gail Dwyer: I thought she was dead!

Marty: Yeah, I know, it's really weird!

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Dr. Kosevich: Okay, okay, what is wrong? OH FUCK ME! It is not working.

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Samuel Faulkner: Are you sure?

Rebecca Taylor: I'm ten days late.

Samuel Faulkner: And there's no way you could have had it and just not noticed?

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Rebecca Taylor: Sam! My water broke!

Samuel Faulkner: Well, we'll get you another one!

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[Samuel Faulkner sees needle and faints]

Dr. Kosevich: See? That is why women have the babies. Men can't take the paaai...

[sees needle and faints]

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Arnie: Ah, ya cheap shit.

Marty: What did you say?

Arnie: Oh gee, I didn't say nothing mister, you must be hearing things. Bye bye, Arnie loves you. Ya penis-head.

Marty: Now I heard that!

Arnie: Heard what?

Marty: I heard what you said!

Arnie: So long, You fat-ass pussy!

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Samuel Faulkner: Can't you give her something for the pain?

Dr. Kosevich: You don't want natural child birth?

Samuel Faulkner: No!

Dr. Kosevich: Okay, uh... You want Anastasia? Drugs, yes? Okay, valium.

Samuel Faulkner: Valium is no good for her.

Dr. Kosevich: No, for me.

Samuel Faulkner: NO!

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Samuel Faulkner: Think, you Commie bastard!

Dr. Kosevich: Shut up, you limey prick!

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Samuel Faulkner: [Lost a tennis game] Fuck! Shit! Shit!

Sean: Sam...?

Samuel Faulkner: FUCK!

Sean: Okay, no more today. What happened to that British etiquette?

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Dr. Kosevich: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

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Marty: I'm not gonna buy your damn video!

Arnie: But, the kids will love it...

Marty: My kids will hate it because they think your show sucks!

Arnie: [after a long pause] Oh.

Samuel Faulkner: But, thanks. Thanks anyway.

Arnie: Oh, sure. Hey, no hard feelings okay?

Marty: All right. Sorry.

Arnie: That's okay.

[laughs]

Arnie: So long.

Samuel Faulkner: So long.

[He and Samuel walk away]

Arnie: Eh, you cheap shit.

Marty: What did you say?

Arnie: Huh? Oh, gee! I didn't say nothing, mister! You must be hearing things.

Samuel Faulkner: He didn't anything, Marty.

Arnie: Bye-bye! Arnie loves you, you penis head.

Marty: Now, I heard that!

[Sammy stops him]

Arnie: Heard what?

Marty: I heard what you said.

Samuel Faulkner: All right, come on, forget it. He's someone pathetic in a dinosaur suit. Come on.

Marty: There's children around here, for god's sake.

Samuel Faulkner: Forget it, forget it. Come on.

Arnie: So long, you fat-ass pussy!

[he flips the bird]

Marty: That's it!

[began to fight Arnie the Dinosaur]

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Arnie: I'll shove an "Arnie Loves You" lunchbox up your ass!

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Truman: Are you alright, Man?

Samuel Faulkner: Yes, I'm fine. I was just listening to what you were saying. Um, could you repeat it so I could get it down?

Truman: You're an asshole, and my dad's a bastard!

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Sean: Hey why do you guys really, really come here? Is it just to ruin my weekends and embarrass me in front of my friends at my home?

Gail: Your home? This isn't your home. It was our parents home! But I don't see you making any contributions. You've got no wife, no kids. You insult the only family you have. You keep this up and you'll die alone, like a dog, like a bum, like Van Gogh.

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Marty: You know what? I would walk over there and kick your bony little ass if I wasn't going to have my 5 year-old daughter do it!

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Truman: My dad's an asshole.

Samuel Faulkner: Okay. Good. Um, is that something you can maybe elaborate on for me a little?

Truman: Okay. My dad's a giant asshole.

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Rebecca Taylor: [after 2 months of abstinence, she finally feels good enough to make love again. But, after a mad dash to their room and settled in bed... ] I don't think we should make love until we talk to the doctor.

Samuel Faulkner: [tremendously disappointed] Please?

Rebecca Taylor: We don't know what could happen, hon.

[pause]

Rebecca Taylor: But you know what? I bet if we wait a while, we can feel the baby move again.

Samuel Faulkner: [trying hard to be brave] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be just as much fun.

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Gail Dwyer: I cannot believe you're fighting now! This is my moment! This is my miracle!

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Older Woman: You stupid son of a bitch! He has a heart condition, learn to drive! What?

[to Older Man]

Older Woman: George! Are you all right?

Older Man: I'm having chest pains.

Older Woman: I'll call an ambulance.

Samuel Faulkner: Look, I'm on my way to the hospital, if'd you like a ride.

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Older Woman: Get off the phone and drive, limey scumbag!

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[after hits a bicyclist by a van]

Samuel Faulkner: Jesus.

[opens the car door]

Samuel Faulkner: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Are you all right?

Bicyclist: My leg is broken. Help me.

Samuel Faulkner: Help! Just stay there.

[Older Woman and waitress comes out of the car and picks him up]

Older Woman: Are you trying to kill everyone in San Francisco, you asshole? We don't have time for this! My husband's having a heart attack!

[a car door bumps Bicyclist's head, screaming]

Bicyclist: OW! Where are you taking me?

Older Woman: Shut up, or I'll break the other leg!

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Spoilers 

The quote item below may give away important plot points.

Samuel Faulkner: I'm so sorry, I was a disgrace, I know now what a bastard I was, I was completely selfish and you had absolutely every right to walk out on me, but I want you to reconsider,

[shows her a ring]

Samuel Faulkner: will you marry me? Rebecca, be my wife.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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