The Pretender (TV Series 1996–2000) Poster


Andrea Parker: Miss Parker, Catherine Parker



  • Sydney : Good morning, Miss Parker. Broots.

    Broots : Sydney.

    Miss Parker : You're looking... refreshed.

    Sydney : New underpants will do that to you.

    [Miss Parker and Broots look at each other silently] 

    Miss Parker : Sydney, you made a funny.

    Sydney : Stole it, I'm afraid. Last night, I went on a date.

    Broots : You had a date!

    Miss Parker : [to Broots]  That's when two people actually meet instead of typing to each other on a computer keyboard.

    [to Sydney] 

    Miss Parker : So, if it was a date, how can you be sure that those are *your* underpants?

  • Broots : I found something bizarre.

    Miss Parker : What, like hair on your head?

    Broots : No, that would be fantasy. This is real.

  • Miss Parker : Why did you save my life?

    Jarod : Because I still remember the little girl who gave me my first kiss.

  • Miss Parker : Maybe I should send you to every Y.M.C.A. in the country first. Or lock you in the Bates Motel with Sydney and Broots.

    Jarod : This is about that strip search in Las Vegas, isn't it?

  • Broots : Have you ever gone to church?

    Miss Parker : With all I've seen and done, a church is the last place I should be.

    Broots : Or the first.

  • Miss Parker : [Referring to her nicotine patch]  The only way this thing is gonna help me is if I roll it and smoke it.

  • Sydney : The Centre wants him alive.

    Miss Parker : Preferably.

  • Sydney : You believe someone stole your mother's body?

    Miss Parker : Except for this Scotch-induced earthquake rattling between my ears, I'm not sure exactly what to believe anymore.

    Broots : Let's face it, Sydney. Catherine Parker's body being gone fits in with all the other bizarre happenings around here. The reappearance of Edna Raines, who, after 30 years, everyone thought was dead...

    Miss Parker : And now who really is dead, thanks to the Bald Butcher she called hubby.

  • Miss Parker : Make up your mind, Sydney. Be a scientist or a mommy. You can't be both.

  • [Miss Parker's phone rings at 3:44 a.m., waking her up] 

    Miss Parker : What?

    Jarod : Oh, I intentially wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless 'what'?

  • Sydney : [laughing]  Here I am, trying to comfort you.

    Miss Parker : [looking hurt]  As if anything you could ever do would give me comfort?

    Sydney : [quickly sobers]  It did once.

  • Jarod : You make the rules.

    Miss Parker : That's just the way I like it.

  • Miss Parker : Call the hotel and book us some rooms for this shindig.

    [puts unlit cigarette in mouth] 

    Broots : Oh, Jarod already did.

    [Miss Parker lights cigarette] 

    Broots : They're, uh, non-smoking rooms.

    Miss Parker : [takes drag and smiles]  Perfect.

    [exhales smoke] 

  • Miss Parker : [to Jarod, after he meets her face-to-face]  You've got quite a set, showing up here.

  • Miss Parker : [about borrowing Angelo from Mr Raines]  Uncle Fester will never know his Lurch is missing.

  • Miss Parker : You shouldn't underestimate Jarod. And you should never underestimate me. And the next time that you send me into a building that is gonna explode, it had better blow, because if it doesn't it's gonna be your gray matter they will be mopping up with a toothbrush.

  • Broots : Miss Parker!

    [hugs Miss Parker] 

    Miss Parker : Do you want me to hurt you?

  • [to Broots' daughter Debbie] 

    Miss Parker : These are the house rules: no running, no playing, no feet on the furniture, and no noise, which includes crying and whining. Be invisible and we'll get along just fine.

  • Sydney : How do you think he will hold up?

    Miss Parker : Before or after he wets his pants?

  • Miss Parker : Since when do you hate to fly?

    Broots : I don't hate to fly. I hate to barf.

  • Catherine Parker : Trust can kill you or set you free.

  • Broots : You know the rumor that JFK was kept alive as a vegetable somewhere? Buzzie claims it was right here in SL-18.

    Miss Parker : Yeah, next to the alien corpses Nixon showed Jackie Gleason.

    Broots : That was here too?

  • Miss Parker : You mean a shrink, don't you? Thanks Syd, but I'll leave the mental masturbation to someone else.

  • Giuseppe : So full of anger!

    Miss Parker : That's my religion.

  • Miss Parker : I never thought I'd hear you say 'murder is business as usual,' Syd.

  • Sydney : How come you know so much about Greek lore?

    Miss Parker : I did a lot of frat boys in college.

  • Miss Parker : [groans and bends over in pain]  Oh, no.

    Sydney : Your ulcer? And no medication.

    Miss Parker : Ladies and gentlemen. The fabulous Sherlock Holmes.

  • Jarod : [referring to the champagne Miss Parker is drinking]  That isn't good for your ulcer.

    Miss Parker : Neither are you.

  • Sydney : Bernice and I went to this amusing little place, The Chocolat.

    [Broots and Miss Parker burst out laughing] 

    Broots : You, uh, you, you, you went to a comedy club.

    Sydney : New experiences keep my psychiatric skills finely tuned.

    Miss Parker : Not to mention that slam-bang wit.

    Sydney : Exactly! How many psychiatrists does it take to change one lightbulb?

  • Miss Parker : [about Angelo]  Cousin It woke up and remembered he was Liberace.

  • Miss Parker : [to Broots]  You look like you need to change your pamper.

  • Miss Parker : Sydney, step back. I wouldn't want you to get brain matter all over your new suit.

  • Miss Parker : God forgives. I don't.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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