Happy Gilmore (1996)

Robert Smigel: IRS Agent

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Quotes 

• IRS Agent : [to Happy]  Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS two hundred and seventy thousand dollars in back taxes. We have to take the house. And if you can't get the money together in ninety days, we're gonna have to sell the house to someone else.

• Happy Gilmore : But she's an old lady. I mean, look at her. She's old. You can't just take her stuff. She's too old.

  IRS Agent : I'm sorry, I have no discretion. Her stuff is now our stuff.

• Happy Gilmore : [arrvies at Grandma's house to see a bunch of boxes outside her house]  Grandma? Grandma?

  Happy Gilmore : [sees two movers taking Grandma's couch]  Hey, put that stuff down! That's my grandmother's!

  Mover : God, kid! We're just doing our jobs!

  Happy Gilmore : What are you talking about?

  IRS Agent : [arrives from the hall with Grandma]  Your grandmother hasn't paid her taxes in over a decade.

  Happy Gilmore : What? Grandma, you didn't pay your taxes?

  Grandma : I would have. But I didn't have any money.

  Happy Gilmore : [to the IRS Agent]  Where are you taking all her stuff?

  IRS Agent : I'm not taking her stuff, alright? The government is. It's not- it's not like i'm taking her stuff over to my place or something like that, alright? So don't get mad at me.

  Happy Gilmore : But she's an old lady, I mean look at her, she's old! You can't just take her stuff, she's too old!

  IRS Agent : I'm sorry, I have no discretion here. Her stuff is now our stuff.

  Happy Gilmore : [to Grandma]  Well, at least we got the house, right? I mean, I can bring furniture from my place over here. We're gonna be okay, Grandma.

  IRS Agent : Now, you're really gonna be mad. I have to take the house too.

  Happy Gilmore : Whoa, look pal, my grandfather built this house with his bare hands and my Grandma's been here over 60 years. You can't take her house.

  IRS Agent : Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS $270,000 in back taxes.

  Happy Gilmore : Oh my god!

  IRS Agent : We have to take the house and if you can't get the money together in 90 days, we're gonna have to sell the house to someone else. You hate me don't you?

  Happy Gilmore : No, no no. I don't hate you.

  IRS Agent : [Gets thrown out of the house by Happy and smashes through Grandma's front glass door and rolls down the porch stairs]  He hates me.