Agents of an oil tycoon vanish while exploring a swamp marked for drilling. The local sheriff investigates and faces a Seminole legend come to life: Man-Thing, a shambling swamp-monster whose touch burns those who feel fear.
Matthew Le Nevez,
Red powder from a nuclear explosion gives a police officer super powers as long as he doesn't see anything red. He is eventually framed for murder and is unsuccessfully executed by many different methods.
Marvel's hard-boiled hero is brought to TV. He is brought back to fight the menace of Hydra after exiling himself in the Yukon since the end of the Cold War. The children of the former Hydra head, Baron Von Stucker, have taken charge of the terrorist organization. Under the lead of his vicious daughter, Viper, Hydra has seized a deadly virus and threatens the destruction of America. The covert agency SHIELD brings Fury out of retirement to fight the terrorists.Written by
John Sacksteder <firstname.lastname@example.org>
No really. I have NO idea why I'm even rating this movie. I mean commenting on it. FIRST, I gave it (2) pts. for NOT taking itself seriously (that would surely have been a disaster). After all, how serious were they, casting Dave H. as Nick Fury. I'm laughing at that last sentence: "David Haselhoff as Nick Fury". Is there anyone further from Fury than he? Why am I doing this!
S * P * O * I * L * E * R's coming right up!
First, I guess its only in the future aboard the 'helicarrier'. Down on the ground no one owns a vehicle made in their timeline. Not to mention, one of the computers the bad guys were using had a keyboard from a PET computer. Okay, low-budget, I can let that one slide.
Second, more SPOILS here: Viper takes away all his guns, devices, and even his eye-patch electronic lock pick - scoff. Kind of cool was that he had a false eyeball. Actually a plastique bomb that he used to blow the freezer door they were locked up in. The BIG 'climax' of the movie. It apparently was the ONLY weapon he had left at his disposal, yet, he's pacing in the cell/freezer wondering, 'What ever will we do next? How is the great Nick Fury going to get out of this one." While all along he has this eye-bomb. Maybe he should have left it in his socket when he set it to explode -god knows how long- later. The other two were somewhat subdued by the cold... good thing he had a fever.
Which brings me to another major beef with this plot. Now in all fairness I can't hold this 'beef' solely to this flick. Many plots involve some long drawn out method for killing the hero. Why not just kill him when she zapped him in the beginning of the movie. I'll never understand how writers can even use that one anymore.
There's much more, but I already feel kind of dumb picking apart this movie. Its a bit like making fun of the blind or crippled and now I'm ashamed of myself. Oh well.
Like I wrote earlier, I gave this one 2/10. 2 for casting Haselhoff as the lead role, thus warning us that its not to be taken seriously. So, I guess I shouldn't...
21 of 39 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?
| Report this