Analyze This (1999)

Billy Crystal: Dr. Ben Sobel

Photos 

Quotes 

• Boss Paul Vitti : Whoever did that thing to you-know-who, that good friend of mine, they're trying to do that to me now, and I'm having a lot of feelings about that. And I'm... and I'm trying to get some... some...

  Dr. Ben Sobel : [whispering]  "Closure"

  Boss Paul Vitti : ...closure on that, ya know?

  Primo : What kind of feelings?

  Boss Paul Vitti : I'm... I'm very angry, I'm feeling very angry about that. I'm... I'm really... uh... I'm enraged, I'm feeling very, very mad about that.

  Primo : So why are you telling me?

  Boss Paul Vitti : Why am I telling you? Like you don't know nothing about it, huh? You don't know... what?

  Primo : I don't know what your talking about.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Okay, whatever, whatever. I'm just trying to...

  Dr. Ben Sobel : [Whispering]  "Tell you about my feelings..."

  Boss Paul Vitti : ...tell you about my feelings and that, uh...

  Dr. Ben Sobel : [Whispering]  "I'm angry..."

  Boss Paul Vitti : ...I'm angry and... and that anger is a...

  Dr. Ben Sobel : [Whispering]  "Blocked wish...?"

  Boss Paul Vitti : ...a blocked wish. And I'm looking forward to seeing you... next week at that thing, and then I can... unblock that angered wish... and then hopefully... hopefully you make one more move on me you motherfucker I'll fuckin' cut your fuckin' balls off I'll shove them up your fuckin' ass, I'll fuckin' bury you, I'll put fuckin' ice picks in your eyes, I'll chop your fuckin' eyeballs, I'll send them to your fuckin' family so they can eat 'em for dessert. You understand me?

  Primo : Hey Paul...

  Boss Paul Vitti : What?

  Primo : Fuck you.

  Boss Paul Vitti : You motherfucker!

  Primo : [to Moony]  You get a dictionary and find out what this "closure" is. If that's what he's going to hit us with, I want to know what it is

  Boss Paul Vitti : [to Dr. Sobel]  Yeah. How was that?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : It was going great until the... cutting off of the balls and shoving it up his ass.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : What happened with your wife last night?

  Boss Paul Vitti : I wasn't with my wife, I was with my girlfriend.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Are you having marriage problems?

  Boss Paul Vitti : No.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Then why do you have a girlfriend?

  Boss Paul Vitti : What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : No, I'm not, I'm just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?

  Boss Paul Vitti : I do things with her I can't do with my wife.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Why can't you do them with your wife?

  Boss Paul Vitti : Hey, that's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?

• Dr. Ben Sobel : You don't hear the word "no" a lot, do you?

  Boss Paul Vitti : Well, I hear it all the time, only it's more like "no, please, no!"

• [Ben rushes up to Paul's room after Jelly throws a hit man off the balcony onto the wedding party] 

  Boss Paul Vitti : Hey, people get depressed, they jump. But that ain't my fault.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Oh, so you're telling me it was suicide?

  Boss Paul Vitti : I don't know, he probably left a note. Jelly, did they find that note?

  Jelly : [taking out a pen]  Uh no, but they will in a minute.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Oh, and let me guess what it says? "Life is bullshit, I can't fucking take it no more! Signed, the Dead Guy."

  Jelly : Hey, that's good, Doc.

• Boss Paul Vitti : You're turning me down?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : When I got into family therapy, this was not the "family" I had in mind.

  Boss Paul Vitti : You, with your schmucky little office in your schmucky little home, you're turning *me* down? For what, so you can go back and listen to housewives piss and moan about how nobody fucks 'em right anymore?

• [after receiving a lavish gift from Vitti] 

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Call the Vatican. See if something is missing.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : You know what I do when I'm angry? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel.

  [Vitti pulls out a gun and empties the magazine into a pillow] 

  Boss Paul Vitti : There's your fuckin' pillow.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Feel better?

  Boss Paul Vitti : Yeah, I do.

• [impersonating a gangster] 

  Dr. Ben Sobel : My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnazz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine. Went to a party, pop-a the 'lude and smoka the Tibet, and next thing I know I'm in fishnets singing show tunes, but that is not the point. The point is, I am known to those who know me the best as the fuckin' doctor. That's it, bada-bing, bada-boom, Betty Boop.

• [when two hit men attack Paul and Ben in a junkyard, Ben grabs Paul's gun and blindly shoots back - he straightens up and sees two dead men] 

  Dr. Ben Sobel : J-Jelly? Did I do that?

  Jelly : No, Doc. That one's mine. You got the '72 Chevy, and the Amana side-by-side refrigerator-freezer.

• Boss Paul Vitti : [to Dr. Sobel]  If I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag... im gonna kill you , you understand?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : No.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Me fag, you dead.

• Boss Paul Vitti : I couldn't get it up last night.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : You mean sexually?

  Boss Paul Vitti : No, I mean for the big game against Michigan State. Of course sexually! What the fuck's the matter with you?

• Primo : Everybody knows there's been this thing between me and Paul Vitti for a long time.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Which thing are you talking about? The first thing or the second thing?

  Primo : What second thing? I only know one thing.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Hey, how can we bring up the first thing if we're not gonna talk about the second thing. Did you talk to the guy?

  Primo : What guy?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : The guy with the thing!

  Primo : What thing? What the fuck are you talking about?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : How should I know? You brought it up.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : Let me get this straight: you flew all the way down to Miami and kidnapped me from my hotel room in the middle of the night just because you couldn't get an erection?

  Boss Paul Vitti : Don't that prove I'm motivated?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : You know, you can take a pill for that.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Nah, you start with the pills, the next thing you know you're putting in hydraulics. A hard-on should be achieved legitimately or it shouldn't be achieved at all.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Hmm, I think Mark Twain said that, didn't he?

• Dr. Ben Sobel : What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?

• Boss Paul Vitti : You know me?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Yes.

  Boss Paul Vitti : No you don't.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Okay.

  Boss Paul Vitti : You see my picture in the paper?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Yes.

  Boss Paul Vitti : No you didn't.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : I don't even get the paper.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : I am redefining weird on an hourly basis.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : This is impossible. This is you: "Doc, I'm in pain, you gotta help me." "Okay, Paul, I'll help you." "Fuck you! Nobody helps Paul Viti!"

• Caroline : [complaining about her ex-boyfriend]  What do you think I should do?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Well, what I think you should do... is stop whining about this pathetic loser.

  [Sobel stands up] 

  Dr. Ben Sobel : You are a tragedy queen! "Oh, Steve doesn't like me!" "Steve doesn't respect me!" Oh, who gives a shit? GET A FUCKIN' LIFE!

  Caroline : Dr Sobel?

  [Sobel, back in his chair, snaps out of a daze] 

• Dr. Ben Sobel : Doc, if you gotta talk, try to be vague. Can you do that?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : I'm a psychiatrist. Believe me, I can be vague.

• Boss Paul Vitti : I can feel the juices rushing back to my balls as we speak.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Well, that's something I never thought I'd hear another man say to me.

• FBI Agent Steadman : Dr. Sobel, Mam. I'm Agent Steadman, Agent Ricci, Agent Provano, Federal Bureau Of Investigation, OCD.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

  FBI Agent Ricci : Organized Crime Division. We need to talk.

• Michael Sobel : Hey dad. "I go fag, you die!"

  Dr. Ben Sobel : That's it! I am sealing the vent in your room. You cannot listen to my sessions.

  Michael Sobel : It's so cool. Was that really Paul Vitti?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Well, I didn't ask to see his mafia decoder ring, but yes, that was Paul Vitti. You can't tell anyone about this.

  Michael Sobel : Should I take it off the internet?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Michael!

  Michael Sobel : Just kidding.

• Boss Paul Vitti : Hey, I got news for you, you little two-bit prick, son-of-a-bitch, rat-bastard you did nothing for me! Whatever you did the other day didn't take! I'm still fucked up! You did fucking NOTHING for me!

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes! I can't work miracles, Mr. Viti! And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone sneaks into my hotel room and kidnaps me in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, and I have a serious practice, and I don't have time for your BULLSHIT!... That got away from me at the end there.

• [Paul is anxious about his impotence] 

  Dr. Ben Sobel : I have to say, not being able to perform three or four times...

  Boss Paul Vitti : Eight times.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : ...eight times, is not catastrophic.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Well, maybe not to you, look at you. But if I can't get it up, that makes me less of a man, and I can't have that. In my world I deal with animals, Doctor. They may seem dumb to an educated guy like you, but make no mistake, Doctor, animals are very cunning, and they sense weakness.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : That's it! Over! I'm no longer your doctor!

  Boss Paul Vitti : What? 'Cause of this?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Because of this little DOUBLE HOMICIDE? YES!

• [preparing to kill him] 

  Jelly : Sorry, Doc. Nothing personal.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Don't kid yourself, Jelly, it doesn't get more personal.

• Boss Paul Vitti : I wasn't really gonna whack you.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Paul...

  Boss Paul Vitti : Okay, I was gonna whack you. But I was real conflicted about it.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : Well, you said you were fighting. You were rebelling against his authority. There may have been some unresolved Oedipal conflict.

  Boss Paul Vitti : English.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Fuckin' Greeks.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : Dad, you're not coming to my wedding?

  Dr. Isaac Sobel : We wanna be there, but I've got three book signings next weekend. I can't piss off these big bookstores! If I cancel, they stick me down on the bottom shelves. That's the way they are.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : I know, that's the word on the street. Barnes is okay, but that Noble is a vindictive prick.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : [to Patient/wife]  "Here's what I think you should do, Elaine. I would do whatever he says. If he wants you to talk, talk. I would get on all fours and bark like a dog. I would do whatever it takes. Smoke some joints! Drink some wine! Whatever it is, to get off on each other and be happy. I mean, come on, look at the two of you! Where are you running? This is the time to be happy! Life is just too short! Too FUCKING short!"

  Elaine Felton : [Patient/wife, turning to look at husband and smiling at each other]  "OK."

  Dr. Ben Sobel : [to both husband and wife]  "See you Thursday."

• Boss Paul Vitti : So, did you take care of that thing I asked you about?

  Carlo Mangano : It's all right to talk business in front of your friend?

  Boss Paul Vitti : It's okay.

  Carlo Mangano : I took care of it.

  Boss Paul Vitti : How about the other thing?

  Carlo Mangano : I got to wait for the first thing to come through, before I can move on the second thing.

  Boss Paul Vitti : That guy give you a problem or...?

  Carlo Mangano : The guy on the first thing?

  Boss Paul Vitti : Yeah.

  Carlo Mangano : He's a lunatic.

  Boss Paul Vitti : What did he say?

  Carlo Mangano : The usual.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Did you tell him you weren't going for it?

  Carlo Mangano : What am I gonna do, Paul?

  Boss Paul Vitti : You gotta nip that shit right in the bud.

  Carlo Mangano : But if the first thing comes through, that'll fix everything.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Exactly. Including the second thing.

  Carlo Mangano : Absolutely.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Exactly.

  [Paul Vitti turns to Ben Sobel] 

  Boss Paul Vitti : Don't repeat what you hear here. You hear?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : What? The first thing or the second thing?

• Dr. Ben Sobel : They threw me in the shark tank, Paul! The shark tank!

  Boss Paul Vitti : Hey, they were trying to make a point.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : What, that you're a scary guy? Believe me, I get it.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : You know normally a patient wouldn't have a vat of Scotch during a session.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : You broke my heart, Jelly, you broke my heart.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : But the black milk dream is also about your father.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Nah, I don't buy that. In the dream, I'm bringing the baby the black milk.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : But let's just say that you are the baby. Freud believed you're everyone in your dreams.

  Boss Paul Vitti : Ah fuck Freud. After what you just told me, you know, I'm afraid to call my own mother on the phone!

• Jelly : This is serious, Doc. If he doesn't make that meeting they'll kill him for sure.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Why can't someone else in the family go? How about Tommy the Tongue, or Louie the lip? What about you? You go.

  Jelly : That would be great except for one detail. I'm a fuckin' moron. I'm known for it. You have to go.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : [not watching the road]  Does your mother ever talk about *anything* else or is it me 24 hours a day?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : [crashes]  Oh, shit! This is your mother's fault. It's like voodoo. She knows where I am every second.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : Paul, you have to channel all this nice grief into a murderous rage.

• Dr. Ben Sobel : [while Paul is holding a gun to the back of his head]  Can I ask you one last question?

  Boss Paul Vitti : What?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : What did you order?

  Boss Paul Vitti : What?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : What did you order?

  Boss Paul Vitti : When?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : The night your father was killed, what were you eating?

  Boss Paul Vitti : How the fuck do I know?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : You don't remember?

  Boss Paul Vitti : It was 35 years ago.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : What was your father eating?

  Boss Paul Vitti : I don't remember. What are you talking about?

  Dr. Ben Sobel : It's a simple question. What was your father eating?

  Boss Paul Vitti : ...Penne.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Good. What did you have?

  Boss Paul Vitti : Ravioli.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : The food was already on the table?

  Boss Paul Vitti : No, they were serving it.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : And did you see the guys coming?

  Boss Paul Vitti : One of them. Dressed like a busboy.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Your father saw him too?

  Boss Paul Vitti : I knew the guy looked wrong.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Why, Paul?

  Boss Paul Vitti : The pants. Looked too good for a busboy.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : So he walked to the table...

  Boss Paul Vitti : I watched him the whole way.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : Did you say anything?

  Boss Paul Vitti : Dad was so mad at me, I couldn't say anything.

  Boss Paul Vitti : And you were mad at him. And then what happened?

  Boss Paul Vitti : I never saw the second guy. My mother just started screaming...

  Dr. Ben Sobel : And you blame yourself.

  Boss Paul Vitti : I could've saved him.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : But you were mad at him.

  Boss Paul Vitti : I should've said something.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : You couldn't have saved him, Paul.

  Boss Paul Vitti : I killed him.

  Dr. Ben Sobel : You didn't kill him. You were mad, but you didn't kill him. It's the life he chose.

  Boss Paul Vitti : [breaking down in tears]  I just let him die! I let him die! I let him die, and I couldn't say goodbye to him!