Bullpitt! (1997–1998)
Ross Higgins: Ted Bullpitt
Photos
Quotes
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Ted Bullpitt : [to his pet goldfish] You're looking a bit fat, Keiren. Time for some laps. Go on, round you go. That's it.
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Ted Bullpitt : I'd never put that cat in the spin drier and turn it on high for 2 hours. I love that bloody cat.
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Terri Bertolucci : [Talking to Ted who is under hypnosis channeling a former life] So, you're Pirate Bullpit? What do you do?
Ted Bullpitt : Arghhh, I protect the trees. If anyone tries to chop them down, I tell them "The Kings wood. You're not taking the Kings wood.
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Ted Bullpitt : The Kingswood? You're not taking the bloody Kingswood.
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Ted Bullpitt : Get a job.
Terri Bertolucci : Get a life.
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Ted Bullpitt : I'm busier 'round here than the pope in a condom factory
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Ted Bullpitt : That'd be right, Bullpits the bunny as usual.
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Ted Bullpitt : Someone should blow cats up.
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Ted Bullpitt : Pickle me grandmother!
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Dr. Hyrundi Khan : I will cook for you some traditional Bangladesh food.
Ted Bullpitt : I hate Bangladeshi wog food. I hate it. Yuck. Yuck. Vomit. Vomit. Now get out.
Dr. Hyrundi Khan : It is free, Mr. Bullpit.
Ted Bullpitt : Oh! In that case, the kitchen is over there.
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Ted Bullpitt : The name's Ted Bullpit.
Johnno Johnstone : Pardon?
Ted Bullpitt : Bullpit.
Johnno Johnstone : Oh, I thought you said...
Ted Bullpitt : [Interupts] Yeah, everybody says that.
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Johnno Johnstone : How about a beer, Ted?
Ted Bullpitt : Leave the money on the fridge.
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Ted Bullpitt : [Watching a horror film] Uh, oh. There's a bloke in a dress. Are you sure this isn't SBS?
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Ted Bullpitt : Thanks for the free tucker.
[Closes door on neighbours]
Ted Bullpitt : Bloody good doing neighbours, now I've gotta wash the plate.
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Ted Bullpitt : [Opens door] Oh, god. It's you. Look, it wasn't me who threw Madge Burrows cat in the swimming pool.
Samantha MacDonald : What? When did that happen?
Ted Bullpitt : 'Bout an hour ago.
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Ted Bullpitt : It is an emergency. Me dunnies blocked.
Samantha MacDonald : Just like your head, its full of...
Ted Bullpitt : Watch it you. Remember, I pay your salary.
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Darcy Kelso : I just happen to have this card. I get a spotters fee.
Ted Bullpitt : "Call Gino and Dino plumbing. Get the wogs for your bogs"
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Ted Bullpitt : Ha. Ha. Johnno wears a a wig! Johnno wears a wig!
Johnno Johnstone : I do not. It's all natural.
Ted Bullpitt : Yeah, right. That's why you drive a Falcon. It's not fast enough to blow it off.
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Johnno Johnstone : Muriel doesn't drink beer.
Ted Bullpitt : She's not a poof is she?
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Ted Bullpitt : Someone should blow Magpies up. Which is what I'm going to to. I'll handle this the Bullpit way. By sticking a cracker up it's clacker.
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Gwen the Ranger : Mr Bullpit. Are you aware it's illegal to feed a laxative to a magpie?
Ted Bullpitt : I was only trying to help it. I felt sorry for it. It had constipation.
Gwen the Ranger : How do you know that?
Ted Bullpitt : Probably from trying to pass the egg with superglue I put on it.
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Ted Bullpitt : Have you escaped from somewhere?
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Gwen the Ranger : Did this greyhound die of natural causes?
Ted Bullpitt : Sort of. It was a ride-on-mower accident.
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Joan Collins : I once had a fabulous weekend with the 3 Stooges.
Ted Bullpitt : You mean you met Larry, Curly and Moe?
Joan Collins : Not in that order!
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Darcy Kelso : Good news Grumble-one Kenobi. Your toilets fixed.
Ted Bullpitt : Good. I don't have to run down to the gymnasium when I need to go. I almost made it once!
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Ted Bullpitt : Henry Ford was a poof!
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Samantha MacDonald : Welcome to Whispering Pines. Here's some fruit.
Ted Bullpitt : I don't eat fruit. Birds poop on fruit.
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Darcy Kelso : What's your name comrade?
Ted Bullpitt : Oh, here we go. Bullpit.
Darcy Kelso : Bullpit. Nice name!
Ted Bullpitt : Ey? Most people think it sounds like...
Darcy Kelso : I can imagine! But most people don't have a friend called Greg Fluck!
