Smack the Pony (1999–2017)
Sally Phillips: Various Characters
Quotes
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Various Characters : [Dating Agency Video] I'm looking for a man who's really attractive, but doesn't know it. Who's really sensitive, but can be really tough when I want. Who's got a high powered job, but isn't motivated by money. Who's got a big penis, but doesn't feel like he has to use all of it. And he's got to be able to fly.
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Various Characters : ["Run around" song] Thinking is for wankers; we're born, we dance, we die!
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Various Characters : I've married a rock star!
Various Characters : Oh, well done!
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Various Characters : [Vet] So this is?
Various Characters : Harry.
Various Characters : And Harry is...?
Various Characters : Not very happy.
Various Characters : Clearly. And Harry is... a?
Various Characters : Hamster!
Various Characters : Yes, of course.
[to self]
Various Characters : Hamster, Hamster, Hamster!
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Various Characters : [Nice Doctor] Oh, no, no! You can take loads! And don't forget it's a jolly nice thing what you are!
Various Characters : [In Denial] What?
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Various Characters : [friend has a new baby] Is that all it does? You must be gutted!
Various Characters : Have you seen the new Bond Film? It's amazing it's all, you know!
[they spin around with finger guns]
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Various Characters : WAAAH! I want to do my Plan! If you don't let me do my Plan, I'm going to hold my breath until I die!
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Various Characters : [Dating Video] I am making Art! I am making Art! I am making Art! I am making Art! I am a Veil, a Bull, Moo, A Veil. I am a Veil a Bull!
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Captions : Crap Job? No money? Not getting enough sex? Be a Prostitute!
Various Characters : [Victory fist pump, gets in the car]
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Various Characters : I'm in your fridge!
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Various Characters : I could be like that water-carrying girl in the Jungle Book!
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Various Characters : You are wearing a Suit Teddy!
Various Characters : Well, if you won't read your emails...
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Various Characters : I am aware that some people are uncomfortable with my Punk Past. I mean, the upside is I know the lyrics to some wonderful songs by Guns and Roses and Van Halen! The downside, of course is this.
[Raises fringe to reveal a "Fuck Off" tattoo on her forehead]
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Various Characters : I'm looking for a man who's not going to make me do... what I don't want to do... even if it is his birthday.
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Various Characters : I do not mean to brag, but I can really make the Puffin Fly!
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Various Characters : I just can't find my Friend...
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Various Characters : I'm a Crash, Bang Trollop!
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Various Characters : Oh, Johnny! Come round...
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Various Characters : My hobbies? Well, pussy! Old pussy, young pussy. I actually don't care how young! And all those top-shelf Wank-Mags! But what I'm really about is the Line Dancing.
Various Characters : [VO] Line Dancing? What?
[Runs off in Horror]
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Various Characters : [VO] Oh that is such a Not-Gay Job! Such a Warm Heterosexual Hand-Shake!
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Various Characters : He's quiet but uninhibited.
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Various Characters : [Taking vitamins]
Various Characters : They don't do anything, you know!
Various Characters : Yes, they do.
Various Characters : No, they don't.
Various Characters : Sure they do! Before I took these, I couldn't do this!
[Strikes a pose, and water starts gushing out of her ears]
Various Characters : I'm not sure that's good for you...
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Various Characters : [Travel Agent] I want the one where I wake up and my Breasts are painted like Greek Flags!
