Third Watch (1999–2005)

Michael Beach: Monte Parker, Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doc : I'm ashamed to even know you.

• [about Morales] 

  Carlos : I told you I was interested.

  Doc : So what? What, now we're in the eighth grade and you called dibs?

  Carlos : "Dibs"? What the hell is dibs?

• [Carlos's girlfriend is pregnant] 

  Doc : You know, there is one name for people like you.

  Carlos : Oh, yeah? What's that?

  Doc : DAD.

• Doc : Everything working out with Carlos?

  Alex : Guy's a moron.

  Doc : Yeah, well he is definitely an acquired taste.

• Doc : Hide? I drive a giant red and white van with flashing lights and sirens.

• [about the doctor who gives him stitches] 

  Carlos : Where the hell did that guy train, Baghdad?

  Doc : Be thankful you didn't need a rectal.

• [about Taylor's funeral] 

  Carlos : You're supposed to speak.

  Doc : Oh, oh, I'm supposed to speak! Well, well what am I gonna say, Carlos? Huh? What am I gonna say, that - - that Taylor died because she was stupid? Yeah, that's it. That's it! She was too stupid to get down off a burning car after she was told ten times.

  Carlos : Doc, I...

  Doc : You know what? She... She didn't want to have anything to do with being a medic. She thought she was so much better than that because she was a firefighter. A real hero! Not one of us taxi drivers for the dying and the dead. She died doing what she hated! Pissing all over my chosen profession, and yours! How'd that make you feel Carlos? Because I hated it! It pissed me off! - That's my eulogy... That's what I got! How you like it so far?

• Bosco : So, we're done?

  Doc : Yeah.

  Bosco : Good, I got a date with a Chinese chicken.

• Kim : How come we never get the overturned armored car jobs?

  Doc : Because we're lucky.

  Kim : Yeah, it would be hard not to accidentally let a few bucks fall into our med bag.

  Doc : That's why we're lucky.

• [about Taylor] 

  Doc : She doesn't want to be on the bus.

  Sully : Yeah, well I don't want to write up a six-car accident, but we all have our crosses, right?

• [about gauze pads Doc stole from a private ambulance] 

  Doc : Gave in the sense they don't know I took 'em.

  Carlos : You stole them?

  Doc : I taught them a lesson in vehicle safety: Lock your doors!

• [about Doc letting Carlos drive] 

  Carlos : It's a milk run.

  Doc : No lights, no siren.

  Carlos : I promise I'll bring it back with a full tank of gas Dad.

• Carlos : Uh, I don't suppose you could drive a little more smoothly?

  Doc : Well. I'm sorry. I guess we should have brought the Lexus today.

• [about Morales] 

  Carlos : The woman gives me enough wood to build a boat.

  Doc : What?

  Carlos : A really nice boat.

• Carlos : Are you complimenting me?

  Doc : Hell, no!

  Carlos : Right.

• Carlos : What's the problem partner?

  Chet : I tied one on last night and I got a headache I can't shake.

  Carlos : Well, there's a screwdriver in your head.

  Chet : Yes sir, I noticed that.

  Doc : There's a Darwin award candidate.

• Carlos : Might even affect med. school.

  Doc : Oh, come on. How could it affect that?

  Carlos : I don't know. Maybe some kind of morals thing?

  Doc : Like them finding out you don't have any?

• Kim : Jimmy rappelled off the roof?

  Doc : Yeah, took us out a window. Good thing too. A couple more minutes up there we'd of been toast.

  Bobby : Long way down.

  Kim : Crazy son of a bitch.

• Bosco : I just want to be there when they nail his black ass.

  Doc : Nice.

  Bosco : Don't give me that look. He was black, I'm guessing his ass is too.

  Doc : You got a way with words Bosco.

• Carlos : At least today couldn't get any worse.

  Doc : Today I gotta apologize to Boscorelli.

• Kim : Doc was too busy helping mother Teresa with the bandages.

  Bobby : Come on, you must have done some crazy stuff man. Give it up.

  Doc : Between the Peace Core and the soup kitchen I barely had enough time to train all those seeing eye dogs.

• [Kim is showing off new boots that she got] 

  Kim : Laugh all you want now, but you're gonna be begging for a pair of these puppies next time we have to stand in the snow for two hours.

  Doc : When do we ever have to stand in the snow for two hours?

  Bobby : Never.

  Jimmy : What the hell are those?

  Bobby : Kim's entering the Iditarod.

• Carlos : I dropped a bottle of Epi last week.

  Doc : You dro... you threw it at me!

  Carlos : Well, you were being an ass again.

• Yokas : I think that chocolate wore off.

  Doc : We could always eat Bosco.

• Carlos : The woman wanted to go with the man. They went together. It's TV movie of the week sad. The only thing missing is the Bulimic and the cancer kid.

  Doc : You have said some insensitive things, but I think you just hit that one out of the park.

• Carlos : What I don't need is for every med. school I apply to to find out I got fired from an emergency medical position because I'm an emotional black hole... Or they put a worse evaluation: "I'm cold, self-centered, and aloof."

  Doc : I wouldn't say that about you.

  Carlos : You did, two days after I met you.

• [about the engagement ring] 

  Doc : Is it too much?

  Sully : I don't know about too much, but I would definitely marry you.

• Carlos : Finders keepers.

  Doc : "Finders keepers"?

  Carlos : It's a well established legal principle. You find it, you keep it.

  Doc : Oh yeah, yeah. I think that was one of the cornerstones of the Magna Carta.

  Carlos : The what?

• Carlos : I'll make the beans.

  Doc : Yeah, here. But not too much brown sugar this time, okay? It's not a dessert item.

• Carlos : Maybe you should focus less this way and more on that fruit loop you got for a partner now.

  Doc : Hey, watch your mouth.

  Kim : [walks in]  What's he talking about, a woman he has no chance with?

  Carlos : No, a breakfast cereal.

• Ray : Is it always this busy?

  Doc : Sometimes. Sometimes, nothing happens.

  Ray : I'll bet your idea of nothing is a lot different than mine.

• Doc : [about Carlos]  Either of you know what the hell he was doing on that pole?

  Taylor : No, but I wish I had some photos.

  Kim : Walsh said he heard him screaming for someone to call 9-1-1.

  Taylor : You're kidding.

  Doc : It's not funny, guys.

  Taylor : Oh come on, Doc, it is too funny.

  Kim : [imitating Carlos]  "Call 9-1-1!"

• Kim : Who the hell would voluntarily live in a neighborhood like this?

  Doc : My place is three blocks from here.

  Kim : Not to say that there isn't potential.

• Doc : [about the junkie]  Weak pulse, needs air.

  Kim : Yeah, that's a matter of opinion.

• [about Carlos] 

  Dr. Thomas : Where'd he fall off again?

  Doc : The fire pole. Two floors of it.

  Dr. Thomas : Does that happen a lot?

  Doc : No, he's... kind of special that way.

• Doc : It's Boy Scout first aid. Shared body heat, skin to skin.

  Carlos : Uh, I was never in the Boy Scouts. Doherty?

  Jimmy : I'm driving.

  Carlos : [takes off his shirt]  I swear, if either of you tell anybody about this...

  Jimmy : Oh, are you kidding me? When that lady pulls through she's gotta know. God, what I wouldn't do for a camera right now.

• Doc : I don't hear anybody calling you "granny."

  Kim : That's 'cause they know I'd kick their ass.

• [about a dead woman] 

  Carlos : I called her a "pain in the ass".

  Doc : Well, she was a pain in the ass.

• Doc : You know this day is going to be remembered? Alex died... and I got a promotion

• [to Joy] 

  Doc : With my luck I'll meet your mom and realize I dated her in high school.

• Doc : I hate phones, and I hate desks, and I hate paperwork. And I really hate those little carpeted cubicles. AND my trainee is late!

• Taylor : It's always the same. Guys don't like having women in the department so they find excuses to put us in these girlie-ass jobs.

  Doc : Girlie? Do I look girlie to you?

• Doc : Hey guys.

  Kim : Hey. Here to scare away the new guy?

  Doc : I am the new guy.

• Kim : You purposely ran over someone today!

  Doc : He was shooting at Sully and Davis!

  Kim : So, what are you a cop now?

• [looking at Carlos's baby pictures] 

  Doc : Oh, those ears.

  Lucinda Harding : The boys teased him something terrible. They called him Cups because they stuck out like that.

  Carlos : Cups?

  Lucinda Harding : Now that was a brooding child if I ever saw one. Sweet enough, but not so affectionate. Always off on his own. Sort of self-involved.

  Doc : You've come a long way, Cups.

• Carlos : Man, it's gotta suck to spend Christmas in the hospital, huh?

  Doc : Better than the morgue.

  Carlos : Wow. You've developed this knack for stating the obvious.

• Doc : He's dead. That's one miracle I can't work yet.

• Carlos : Do you understand what you've done?

  Doc : Yeah, yeah. I'm keeping them from closing the house, just like I told you I would.

  Carlos : You shot a man!

  Doc : Yeah, I had to.

  Carlos : Had to? That's - - You might need real help!

• Doc : It's gotta be eight more minutes, and I thought you'd understand.

  Carlos : Here's what I do understand - - I'm not letting this man die on the floor of my firehouse.

  Doc : Hey, you better sit back down Carlos.

  Carlos : If he dies, you're a murderer!

  Doc : Sit down!

  Carlos : You wanna shoot me? Shoot me.

• Doc : I was good too, Sully.

  Sully : Best ever.

  Doc : I'm gonna miss it.