M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Goodbye, Farewell and Amen (1983)

Mike Farrell: Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Hawkeye and B.J. bid farewell to each other] 

  Hawkeye : Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'LL say it. Maybe you're right, maybe we WILL see each other again, but just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you; whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you.

  B.J. : Whenever I smell month-old socks, I'll think of YOU.

  Hawkeye : Or the next time somebody nails my shoe to the floor...

  B.J. : ...or when somebody gives me a martini that tastes like lighter fluid.

  Hawkeye : I'll miss you.

  B.J. : I'll miss YOU. A lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here.

• [last lines] 

  B.J. : I'll see you back in the States, I promise. But just in case, I left you a note.

  Hawkeye : What?

  [the helicopter that Hawkeye is seated in takes off, and he looks down at the note that Hunnicutt spelled out with stones: "GOODBYE"] 

• Hawkeye : Colonel, before you go...

  B.J. : We've been thinking about it, and there's a little something we'd like to give you.

  Hawkeye : It's not much, but it comes from the heart.

  [Hawkeye and Hunnicutt snap to attention, and for the first time salute Colonel Potter. Potter, very slowly and militarily, returns their salute; then he rides off on the horse Sophie. Potter and Sophie pass a broken-down sign reading "MASH 4077TH BEST CARE ANYWHERE] 

• Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : Well, I planned something, but it kind of fell through. I guess you noticed Soon-Lee isn't here tonight. It's because she had a lot of things to take care of. 'Cause we've decided to get married.

  Hawkeye : Yay!

  B.J. : Congratulations!

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : I had to cut through a lot of red tape, but I got permission. The only problem is, she won't leave Korea until she finds her family. So, boy, I don't believe I'm saying this, I'm staying in Korea.

  Hawkeye : You don't have to act crazy now, we're all getting out.

• B.J. : I got as far as Guam and all flights are canceled, nothing going in or out. I'm sitting there in this crummy officers club, and this guy comes up to me, and says, "You Hunnicutt the doctor?" Now, I didn't like the sound of that, so I said, "No, not me, pal, I'm Hunnicutt the chaplain." He says, "Well, chaplain, you'd better start praying for a miracle, because you're going back to Korea to do surgery." I was a third of the way home.

• Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : In human terms, the cost was much greater. The U.N. forces have suffered the following casualties - Killed in combat - 71,500. Missing and captured - 83,263. Wounded - 250,000.

  Hawkeye : [operating on a/another wounded soldier]  Make that two hundred fifty thousand and one.

  B.J. : And two.

  Col. Potter : Three.

  Maj. Winchester : Four.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : And there's twelve more out in the hall.

• Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : On the communist side, 1,347,000 people were killed or wounded. The war also killed 400,000 Korean civilians.

  B.J. : This is not a good place to have a career as an innocent bystander.

• Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : The cost of the war to the United States has been placed at twenty-two billion dollars.

  [One of the people in the O.R. whistles at that amount] 

  B.J. : Don't look at me, I only get three hundred a month.

• B.J. : Ah, I wanted to leave you a note before I left, I just didn't have the time.

  Hawkeye : I didn't even know you were gone. I thought you were in the bathroom.

• [a helicopter is started up] 

  Hawkeye : It sounds like my cab is here.

  B.J. : Yeah.

• B.J. : You know, Father, the first time I've met you, I thought there's this nice decent guy, kind of sweet and gentle, you know? How's he ever gonna last out here? I got to tell you, you're just about the toughest bird I know.

  Father Mulcahy : Well, I'm certainly a lot luckier than some of the people we've seen come through here.

• [Winchester kisses Houlihan's hand] 

  B.J. : Hold on to that arm, Charles. We want to kiss it, too.

  Hawkeye : You take the arm, I got dibs on what's left.

• [B.J. is planning on returning to his home and celebrating his daughter's birthday; he has five minutes before he can leave] 

  Col. Potter : Five minutes? I haven't got your replacement yet!

  B.J. : Jacobson is due here first thing in the morning. This is the only connection I could get.

  Col. Potter : [his voice cracking]  Aw, what the heck. Send me a piece of birthday cake.

  B.J. : [hugging Col. Potter]  Thank you. Look, I--this is not the way I wanted to--

  Col. Potter : Go, you're fighting the clock.

• Dr. Sidney Freedman : B.J.!

  B.J. : Hey, Sid, get your red-hot hot dogs.

  Col. Potter : Folks, can I have you attention? I need Captain Hunnicutt. Would the hot dog man please get his buns over here?

• B.J. : A big glass of fresh, ice cold milk.

  Hawkeye : For me, a banana. And of course, what's a banana without a piece of chocolate cake?

  [Some other people in the O.R. laugh] 

  Hawkeye : What are you laughing at? It's wonderful.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : It is delicious - I'm going to take a three-hour bubble bath.

  Nurses : Oh, yeah.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : How about you, Colonel - what's the first thing you want when you get home?

  Col. Potter : Well, I like fresh corn. I mean real fresh corn. So I think maybe I'll just take a hot plate out to the garden, make a pot of boiling water, then I won't even pick that corn - I'll bend that stalk till the ear dips into the water, and I'll eat it right there standing up. Scrumptious!

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : How about you, Charles, what are you looking forward to?

  Maj. Winchester : I am looking forward to a hemostat.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [handing Winchester a hemostat]  Hemostat - there's no need to bite my head off.

  Maj. Winchester : Sponge.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [handing Winchester a sponge]  Sponge. You know, I just don't see why some people can't be grateful if other people try to help them.

  Maj. Winchester : Don't you?

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : I think a person is lucky if somebody cares enough to help. Where would I be without my father's help?

  Maj. Winchester : Oh, where indeed? He's pulling in three different directions, if you get any luckier, there's going to be a piece of you in every corner of the world.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Maybe some people just can't feel gratitude.

  Maj. Winchester : Maybe some people like having other people run their lives, but some people don't.

• [a few minutes ago, Hunnicutt got orders to go home] 

  Col. Potter : I can't run a hospital without surgeons. Who's supposed to replace you?

  B.J. : What would you say if we found a first-class surgeon to take my place?

  Father Mulcahy : That's fair enough.

  Col. Potter : Well...

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Come on, we'll try.

  Col. Potter : I guess I'd say bon voyage.

• [Col. Potter bids farewell to Hawkeye and B.J] 

  Col. Potter : Well, boys, it would be hard to call what we've been through fun, but I'm sure glad we went through it together. You boys always managed to give me a good laugh, right when I needed it most. Never forget the time you dropped Winchester's drawers in the O.R. 'Course I had to pretend I was mad at you but, inside...

  [emotionally] 

  Col. Potter : I was laughin' to beat all Hell.

  Hawkeye : Yeah. I'm laughing just thinking about it.

  B.J. : I love a good laugh like this.

• B.J. : Want a sandwich?

  Hawkeye : What's in it?

  B.J. : Let's see - cucumbers, watercress, a little French mayonnaise.

  Hawkeye : Is the crust cut off?

  B.J. : No.

  Hawkeye : Forget it.

• Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : In addition, one-fourth of all Koreans are homeless, and 100,000 are orphans.

  Father Mulcahy : What did he say? How many orphans?

  B.J. : 100,000, Father.

  Father Mulcahy : Dear God!

• B.J. : [on the phone]  Hawk, it's B.J., how you doing?

  Hawkeye : [in the psychiatric ward]  How the hell do you think I'm doing? I've been locked up for the last week in a wacketeria.

  B.J. : Well, listen, Sydney's the doctor.

  Hawkeye : [to Dr. Sydney Freedman]  You want a laugh? He's says, you're the doctor.

  [to B.J.] 

  Hawkeye : I'm the doctor. I sew people back together. Why is he keeping a brilliant surgeon locked up? I mean, what's behind that?

• [Maj. Winchester was followed by Chinese musicians, one of whom was pushing a motorcycle] 

  Maj. Winchester : [to Col. Potter]  I believe these gentlemen have surrendered.

  Col. Potter : [to one of the POWs' guards]  Let's get them inside and process them, Corporal.

  [to those Chinese musicians] 

  Col. Potter : Come on, boys. Not too much solid food right away.

  Col. Potter : [to one of the POWs' guards]  They probably couldn't hold it down.

  B.J. : [pushing that motorcycle]  I'll make sure the motorcycle doesn't escape.

• Maj. Winchester : [Listening to Mozart - all of a sudden asks with disgust]  What is that atrocious odour?

  B.J. : [Painting his bike - stops and sniffs his brush]  Yellow!

• Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [brings Hawkeye a flask in the psyche ward]  I'd have brought the whole still but it'd be hard to sneak it past the guards.