Bandits (2001)

Billy Bob Thornton: Terry Collins

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Terry is at the drive-up window as the police pull up] 

  Policeman : Where's Dottie?

  Terry : Who?

  Policeman : The drive-up girl.

  Terry : Oh, yes, Dottie. Of course. She's... sick.

  Policeman : Sick with what?

  Terry : Vaginitis. She's been suffering from an abnormal vaginal discharge. You know the common symptoms, a viscous fluid, usually associated with... uh... vaginitis.

  [the police drive away looking embarrassed] 

• Terry : You're gonna knock over a bank with a Magic Marker? What are you gonna do, write on 'em?

• Joe : What'd you bring her here for?

  Terry : One, I had no choice, two, I may have suffered a slight concussion and three, she is mentally imbalanced to a spectacular degree.

  Kate : I can hear you!

• [dreaming] 

  Terry : Beavers and Ducks!

• Terry : You know the hardest thing about being smart?

  Joe : No.

  Terry : I always pretty much know what's gonna happen next. There's no suspense.

• [Terry and Harvey are waiting for Joe and Kate. Harvey is dressed in a very loud cowboy outfit] 

  Terry : Harvey?

  Harvey : Yeah?

  Terry : Do you remember what I said about conspicuous behavior?

  Harvey : Keep it low profile.

  Terry : Are you achieving it do you think?

  Harvey : Yep.

  Terry : Good boy.

  Harvey : What do you think of my boots?

  Terry : Very lifelike.

• Terry : Kate, I - I'm a desperate man.

  Kate : Desperate?

  Terry : Yes.

  Kate : You don't know the meaning of the word. Desperate is when you wake up in the morning and you wish you hadn't. It's knowing that every time you get behind the wheel of a car you're only a tree away from ending the empty charade that your life has become! So don't talk to me about desperate!

• [Speaking to Kate after she refuses to get out of the car] 

  Terry : You're insane!

  Kate : I'm unhappy! It's not the same thing.

• Harvey : I don't know. Kate's a special lady.

  Terry : Kate is an iceberg waiting for the Titanic.

• Terry : Kate, you should choose. What's it gonna be? Mr. Action Figure Hero Guy? Or brains, and sensitivity, and a lot of other things I could name. So in other words: me or THAT guy?

  Joe : Yeah, good looking, or ITCHY.

• Terry : Do you smell burning feathers?

  Kate : Burning feathers?

  Terry : Joe's older brother, Albert. He smelled burning feathers. He had a brain tumor.

  Kate : Joe doesn't have an older brother.

• Terry : Love is a wish you hide in your heart that no one else knows.

• Terry : I noticed you got a gold watch.

  Joe : It's an 18 karat gold watch.

  Terry : I don't give a shit how many karats it is.

  Joe : 36 grand. It's no big deal.

  Terry : Did you ever think about asking someone for the time? It's a lot cheaper.

• Joe : Put that gun down.

  Terry : Make me!

  Joe : Make me?

  Terry : Yes, MAKE ME!

  Joe : What the hell is this, the third grade?

  Terry : Well, I'm out of well-turned phrases at this point, Joe!

• Terry : I am a fugitive from justice! I am a dangerous criminal!

  Kate : Oh well that explains the hijacking!

• Kate : You can't just step in front of a moving car and expect it to stop!

  Terry : Yes you can! I've seen it done!

• Charles Wheeler : Please, wherever you are, return my wife to me. Kate, if you're listening, I want you to know that I'm okay. I hope you're holding up well, I hope that these gentlemen are treating you correctly, the way you should be treated, and speaking of which, I'm going to Spain next week, so if your kidnappers would like to contact me, they can get in touch with my people, and you know who they are, and the house is waiting for you, right here, where you belong. And the house misses you, I miss you...

  [Kate turns off the television] 

  Kate : Hmph! He has no IDEA where I belong!

  Joe : You belong here.

  Terry : Yeah. With us.

• [after having been shot at and chased by police] 

  Terry : May I please go back to prison?

• Terry : I don't want to rob banks for the rest of my life! The stress level is just too damn high.

• Kate : I'll make dinner.

  Terry : I cook the dinners around here.

  Kate : Sorry. Not familiar with the outlaw code.

• Terry : Kate, there are guys who leave, and there are guys who get left. I don't think it's any mystery as to which category I fall into.

  Kate : Terry, I'm not leavin' you.

  Terry : You're staying?

  Kate : Yeah.

  [Kate gives terry a kiss] 

  Kate : Good night.

• Terry : I've been thinking I don't *have* a brain tumor because you never had a brother!

• Joe : Got the gun?

  [the back window of the car they are driving gets shot out] 

  Terry : No.

• Terry : You know the problem with being smart? You always know what will happen next. It ruins the suspense.

• Terry : I'm gonna flee from the scene of the crime in the nick of time.

• Terry : Let me keep her, okay? Even if you kill me. I just wanna know what it feels like to have her to myself till I die.

• Harvey : What about the mini-van?

  Terry : You leave it here.

  Harvey : But I like the mini-van!

  Terry : I appreciate that. But as it's a stolen mini-van it's probably best that you leave it here.

• Darren Head : Don't you guys ever really get scared? I mean this job is so dangerous.

  Terry : I'm immune to danger. I - I dance with danger. I walk up to danger and tug it on the ears and sneer at it and make funny faces at it.

• Kate Wheeler : He dislocated my jaw and I still married him.

  Terry Collins : Hmm

  Kate Wheeler : Oh, I don't know the first thing about love. Oh, I know I look like I do, but I... I don't. Not really.

  Terry Collins : Love is a wish that hides in your heart and nobody knows about it but you. Love is blinding, an eternity in a single moment, a religion worth dying for. Well yeah, it's also time consuming.

  Kate Wheeler : Yeah

  Terry Collins : ...and a, and a pain in the ass, and a hole in the heart, and that sort of thing. Not necessarily in that order, but I'd like to think that it is, in that order, really.

  [sneezes]