Bedazzled (2000)

Elizabeth Hurley: The Devil

Photos 

Quotes 

• Elliot Richards : I wish I were the most sensitive man in the world.

  The Devil : [Smiling]  Right. Okay.

  Elliot Richards : Oh, wait! I wish I were the most *emotionally* sensitive man in the world.

  The Devil : Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't catch that. I could've had a lot of fun with that one.

• The Devil : How would you like to make one simple decision that'll change your life forever?

  Elliot Richards : OK, I'm glad Scientology works for you but...

• Elliot Richards : Oh, yeah. You've been a really big help so far.

  The Devil : I know. I've been really naughty, haven't I? Maybe a good spanking's in order?

  Elliot Richards : Is that all you ever think about? Do you think everything is about sex?

  The Devil : No, of course not! I mean, there's greed, gluttony, sloth, anger, vanity, envy...

• The Devil : You know, you'd think that meeting the Devil would be interesting enough but no. All people want to know about is Him. Like He's so bloody fascinating!

  Elliot Richards : So He's a man?

  The Devil : Yeah, most men think they're God; this one just happens to be right.

• [after Elliot succeeds in keeping his soul] 

  Elliot Richards : I don't get it, though. Why are you, you know... being nice?

  The Devil : Look, Elliot, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. The whole good-and-evil thing? You know...

  [points skyward] 

  The Devil : Him and me? It really comes down to you. You don't have to look very hard for heaven or hell. They're right here on Earth. You make the choice, and I guess you just made it.

• Elliot Richards : Maybe I should call you a cab... Although it's gonna be hard to find one that'll *go to Hell* this time of night!

  The Devil : OOOOOOh. What a delightfully piquant wit.

• Elliot Richards : I'm starting to think that women don't really know what they want.

  The Devil : Amen!

• Elliot Richards : But it's my soul! I can't give you my *soul*.

  The Devil : What are you, James Brown?

• [reading Elliot the contract] 

  The Devil : Paragraph one states that I, the Devil, a not-for-profit cooperation, with offices in Purgatory, Hell, and Los Angeles, will give you seven wishes to use as you see fit.

  Elliot Richards : Seven? Why not eight?

  The Devil : Why not six? I don't know. Seven just sounds right.

• The Devil : I am the Devil! Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness! Well, the Princ-ess of Darkness, anyway.

• [Reading the Devil's contract] 

  Elliot Richards : "I, Elliot Richards, hereafter known as the Damned"--the Damned?

  The Devil : How about "the Darned," sound better?

• The Devil : It's not easy being the Barbra Streisand of Evil.

• The Devil : Do you think your mommy and daddy just made me up so you'd be a good boy?

• The Devil : You're so nervous, Elliot.

  Elliot Richards : How do you know my name?

  The Devil : I'm psychic. Plus it's on your name tag.

• The Devil : I wasn't kidding when I said I liked you. I do Elliot. I think you have massive potential. If you're looking at an eternity in hell, let me tell you, it wouldn't hurt to have a friend like me.

  [kisses his ear] 

• The Devil : I saw you talking to a woman.

  Elliot Richards : Um, yeah, but, I'm not with her.

  The Devil : But you'd like to be. Huh?

  Elliot Richards : What makes you say that?

  The Devil : Oh, I dont know, when a man says he'd give anything to have a certain woman in his life, I just assume she means something to him.

  Elliot Richards : [confused]  How did you hear -- I was way over...

  The Devil : I have fantastic hearing!

• The Devil : [about souls]  It's like your appendix. You'll never even miss it.

  Elliot Richards : Yeah? Well, if it's so useless, then how come you want it so much?

  The Devil : Oh, aren't you a clever one?

• [the Devil shows up on Elliot's computer screen] 

  Elliot Richards : What are you doing here?

  The Devil : Just think of me as a computer virus.

  Elliot Richards : I think of you as a PLAGUE! Now will you get off my screen! I have work to do!

  The Devil : Whoa, whoa, what's this "get thee behind me" thing?

  [frowns] 

  The Devil : We still have business here, Mr. Richards.

  Elliot Richards : No, not now. I told you, I've got work to do. And besides, I've only got two wishes left.

  The Devil : Correction: you have one wish left.

  Elliot Richards : [chuckles in disbelief]  Nice try. I've got two more coming.

  The Devil : Nuh-uh. Count 'em, baby. You were President of the United States.

  Elliot Richards : [rolling his eyes, holding up one finger]  Yeah, okay, one.

  The Devil : You were a handsome, articulate, celebrated author and raconteur.

  Elliot Richards : [now holding up two fingers]  Yeah, and you turned me into a flaming homosexual.

  The Devil : Pro basketball player.

  Elliot Richards : [holds up three fingers]  Three.

  The Devil : The caring, artistic guy was four.

  Elliot Richards : [holding up four fingers]  And the Columbian drug lord was five! That means I have two more coming.

  The Devil : You forgot the Big Mac and Coke.

  Elliot Richards : [again chuckling in disbelief]  What? That wasn't a wish.

  The Devil : Well, what would you call it? You said, "I wish," and I got it for you. Sounds like a wish to me.

  Elliot Richards : [now peeved]  No! No, no, no, no. That's not fair.

  The Devil : [angry]  Fair? Who do you think you're talking to? I don't recall anybody accusing me of being fair before. I think I'm insulted!

  Elliot Richards : What? No. This isn't right! You can't do this!

  The Devil : What are you gonna do? Sue me?

  Elliot Richards : No, that's it! I've had it with you! The whole deal is off. Off!

• Elliot Richards : No! That's not fair.

  The Devil : Fair? Who do you think you're talking to? I don't recall anybody ever accusing me of being fair before. I think I'm insulted.

• McDonalds Employee : Hi, how ya doin'. What can I get you?

  The Devil : A Big Mac and a large Coke.

  McDonalds Employee : Fries?

  The Devil : No.

  McDonalds Employee : It comes to $3.47.

  The Devil : [to Elliot]  Do you have $3.47? I left my purse in the Underworld.

• The Devil : I'm not all peaches and cream, you know. I do have a darker side, and believe me, it's not pretty.

• Elliot Richards : I think you're hot.

  The Devil : Baby, you've got no idea...

• [At a hospital the Devil. dressed as a nurse, is setting up pill cases with candy] 

  Elliot Richards : You can't give sick people Tic-Tacs!

  The Devil : Sick people have notoriously bad breath. I'm performing a public service here.

• The Devil : Seven utterly fabulous wishes for one piddling, little soul?

• The Devil : My life is a living hell!

• The Devil : Now listen to me, you disgusting little maggot. This is your last chance before the big weenie roast. Make a wish or forever burn in hell!

• The Devil : I aim to please, handsome!

• [the Devil is reading Allison's diary] 

  Elliot Richards : You can't read that, that's private stuff!

  The Devil : You're telling me, listen to this. "Last night was the most incredible night of my life. I never did get any of the guys' names, but I brought them back home and all five of them banged me like a Salvation Army drum".

  Elliot Richards : What?

  The Devil : Kidding.

• The Devil : [reading from Alison's diary in Alison's voice]  "I meet many attractive men who are interested in me and, while many of them are handsome or clever or very successful, I find myself turning away from them and searching the horizon for someone else. I don't know who he is or where I'll find him. I only know that he is a sensitive man. He's a man who's in touch with his emotions. He's a man who's not afraid to share his fears, his disappointments, and his tears. Where are you, my sensitive man?"

• Elliot Richards : This is breaking and entering!

  The Devil : I know! It's fun, isn't it?

• Elliot Richards : Who are you?

  The Devil : Promise not to tell anyone?

  Elliot Richards : Yeah.

  The Devil : Cross your heart and hope to die?

  [Elliot nods] 

  The Devil : [whispering in Elliot's ear]  I'm the Devil.