Gilmore Girls (2000–2007)

Yanic Truesdale: Michel Gerard

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Sookie : Okay, here we go. Low fat, whole wheat blueberry pancakes.

  Michel : Are there 12?

  Sookie : 12 what?

  Michel : Blueberries. I can only have 12 blueberries for breakfast.

  Sookie : Or what?

  Michel : What do you mean, or what?

  Sookie : What happens if you eat 13 blueberries?

  Michel : This is a silly conversation.

  Sookie : Would you die?

  Michel : Just hand me the plate.

  Sookie : Only if you don't count.

  Michel : I won't count.

  Sookie : Swear. Raise your right hand and say, 'May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries.'

  Michel : [raises his hand]  ... Pick another group.

  Sookie : Nope.

  Michel : [slams hand down]  I hate you! Hate you!

• Richard : Lorelai?

  Lorelai : Yes, Dad?

  Richard : May I speak to you for a moment?

  Michel : [under his breath; in a sing-song voice]  Someone is in trouble.

• Michel : [about Paris]  She's back! She's coming back!

  Lorelai : What? Why?

  Michel : I don't know - maybe she forgot her phone, or her spell book, or something.

• Rory : I'll tell all the ladies what a stud you are.

  Michel : I believe that memo has already been sent.

• Michel : A group of scientists did a study on rats where they cut their daily calories by thirty percent.

  Sookie : And you felt left out?

• Michel : Every day that you breathe you make my life harder.

• Michel : Mm, how's your arm raise? Good?

  Lorelai : Pretty good.

  Michel : Ah, I have an excellent arm raise.

  Lorelai : That's what it says on the bathroom wall.

• Michel : I don't know if anyone has noticed, but suddenly I am the only one working.

  Sookie : You're right, no-one noticed.

• Michel : Yes, this place is impressive,isn't it? I mean, the uniform alone... like working in your jammies. And these headsets, are they not fabulous? Especially when, for example, you're in the bathroom, a place one would normally choose to be alone. Then suddenly... BANG... someone is yakking in your ear. How delightful. You can never get lonely.

  Lorelai : I suppose not.

  Michel : And the people who work here. A joy. So young, so talented. Some of them are actors in ambitious off-Broadway reviews. They play cockroaches and derelicts, do Shakespeare dressed like punk rockers. It gives me chills just thinking about it.

• Michel : [Sookie wants Michel to choose a cookie]  I don't care.

  Sookie : I just need a quick opinion!

  Michel : It took me two seconds to tell you I don't care, that's as quick as I get.

• Michel : Are you sure it wasn't another Michel?

  Sookie : You called me! You kept me on the phone for over an hour. I missed the beginning of Queer Eye For the Straight Guy and by the time I got back, they were all gay!

• [after Michel has begged Lorelai to take him to an auction run by her mother] 

  Lorelai : Michel, if you wanna go to this auction, you have to be in the lobby at six o'clock Friday morning. You have to hand out towels and water bottles, you have to show them the hiking trails, and you have to let them give you a nature name.

  Michel : Fine, I will let them give me a nature name.

  Lorelai : All right, then, you can come.

  Michel : Thank you.

  Lorelai : Buttercup.

  Michel : You cannot give them suggestions.

• Michel : Am I or am I not the head man in charge of floral deliveries?

  Lorelai : Yes, and one of the few men I know who would proudly declare that fact.

• French Businessman : [walks up to the front desk]  Bonjour, monsieur. Vous Ítes FranÁais? Vous parlez FranÁais?

  [Hello, sir. Are you French, do you speak French?] 

  Michel : No, sorry.

  French Businessman : Mais vous avez une accent FranÁais. Vous parlez pas FranÁais?

  [but you have a French accent. Don't you speak French?] 

  Michel : Sir, I'm just a simple country boy from Texas. I do not understand this "FranÁais" business you're babbling about.

  Lorelai : [approaches]  Pardon.

  [takes Michel aside] 

  Lorelai : He knows you are not from Texas.

  Michel : [looking over at the businessmen]  Smile when you say that.

  Lorelai : Michel, I told you there would be a French group here for a couple of days, and it's your job to keep them happy.

  Michel : Lorelai, I don't know how many French people you've met over the years, but most of them are insufferable.

  Lorelai : [sarcastically]  Really?

  Michel : Mm. That is why I left France.

  Lorelai : Huh. I thought it had something to do with the torches and the villagers. Michel, talk to them.

  Michel : Never.

  [turns away from Lorelai, she just glares at him] 

  Michel : You are giving me that look, aren't you? Your patented "Do it or something unspeakable shall befall you" look.

  [pause, sighs] 

  Michel : Fine, I shall be French, but I shall not be happy.

  Lorelai : Then you will be yourself. Good choice.

  Michel : [trudges over to the businessmen]  Bonjour, messieurs. Je m'appelle Michel, ce soir pour vous aider.

  [Hello, gentlemen, my name is Michel, I am here to assist you] 

  French Businessman : [laughs]  Vous avez fait un blague to?t . l'heure! TrËs drÙle, trËs drÙle, Michel!

  [you played a joke just now! Very funny, very funny!] 

  French Businessman : [kisses both his cheeks] 

  Michel : [pretends to laugh, to Lorelai]  Kill me now.

• Michel : There's a man with a funny accent on the phone asking for you.

  Lorelai : Really? Did you guys exchange the secret handshake?

• Michel : Well, you know what happens when you assume.

  Lorelai : What?

  Michel : I don't know. Something about a donkey. It is a stupid American phrase.

• Tobin : Michel, did you get a bagel?

  Michel : I don't want a bagel.

  Tobin : Are you sure? They're kosher.

  Michel : I don't eat bagels. Bagels are like glue in your intestines and ensure that everything that enters your body will remain there until you die.

  Sookie : Ew! Shut up!

• Michel : I feel like crap on toast.

• Michel : Look, I've had my peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and that the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner. And usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui.

• Michel : And you must always be extremely careful of your paddle movements.

  Lorelai : Well, that certainly calls for a "Dirty."

• [on swans] 

  Michel : I will never go near those filthy birds.

  Lorelai : Why?

  Michel : I hate the swans.

  Lorelai : These particular swans?

  Michel : No, all swans. I was attacked by a band of swans in the Luxembourg Gardens when I was a boy. No one forgets that.

  Lorelai : [laughing]  Oh no - not being attacked by a band of swans. Was it an all-boy band? Kind of a scary, feathery *NSYNC kind of fiasco?

  Michel : This is not funny.

• Michel : People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them.