Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty (2001 Video Game)
Paul Eiding: Colonel Campbell
Photos
Quotes
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Colonel : I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-Kiri Rock. I need scissors! 61!
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Colonel : Actually, I am in really bad shape financially. I pay money to my ex-wife as part of our divorce settlement, among other bills... I just had no choice but to make you pay for lunch the other day. I'm really sorry.
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Colonel : To begin with, we're not what you'd call "human." Over the past 200 years, a consciousness appeared layer by layer at the crucible of the White House. It's not unlike life started in the oceans four billion years ago. The White House was our primordial soup, a base of evolution. We are formless. We are the very discipline and morality that Americans invoke so often. How can anyone hope to eliminate us? As long as this nation exists, so will we.
Raiden : Cut the crap! If you're immortal, why would you take away individual freedoms and censor the Net?
Rose : Jack, don't be silly.
Colonel : Don't you know that our plans have your interests - not ours - in mind?
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[Raiden loses all of his gear and is forced to sneak around in the nude]
Colonel : Raiden, you won't be able to Hang, throw, or chokehold anyone in your current state.
Raiden : Why not?
Colonel : Is it really necessary to ask? It's just not a good idea to perform those maneuvers. There could be... complications.
Rose : Oh really, Jack. Do we have to spell it out for you? Really!
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Colonel : I was a North American Fall Webworm in my past life. Those were the good old days... What were you in your former life?
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Colonel : [while an enemy is urinating onto Raiden] Uh, Raiden... my sympathies.
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Colonel : So, Jack The Ripper. Will it be Solidus, the Patriots' creation, or Raiden, Solidus' creation? Our beloved monsters. Enjoy yourselves.
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[When the player equips an enemy uniform]
Colonel : Raiden, don't act in any way that will excite the enemy's suspicion. A perfect disguise can be ruined by a single odd behavior. Be careful. If you make physical contact with the enemy while in disguise, the disguise will be deselected.
Rose : That uniform's probably not even close to your size.
Raiden : Yeah, to tell you the truth, it feels pretty tight.
Colonel : It's probably a better fit for Rosemary here than you.
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Colonel : That reminds me, I saw Gubayama the other day in Shibomnigee. He said to give you his best.
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[to Raiden]
Colonel : You enjoy all the killing!
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Colonel : An anemone or clematis plants juice can cause a rash. When pruning them, its a good idea to wear gloves.
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Colonel : Raiden something happened to me last Thursday when I was driving home. I had a couple of miles to go - I looked up and saw a glowing orange object in the sky, to the east! It was moving very irregularly... suddenly there was intense light all around me - and when I came to, I was home. What do you think happened to me?
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Colonel : Even my patience has its limits. I just can't leave it to you any longer. I'll do the fighting! You can just go home!
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Colonel : Munch, munch... Um? Raiden? I'm eating right now. Get back to me later... munch, munch...
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[When Raiden takes a picture of the hostage Jennifer's panties]
Raiden : ...Colonel, was I wrong in what I did...?
Colonel : Perhaps. There are certain things that a person can and can't do.
Raiden : Yeah, maybe you're right...
Colonel : Do you understand? Come out of this thing alive, both for yourself and so as not to waste your training.
Raiden : No need to tell me that, Colonel.
Colonel : Right. And... I recommend you not throw away that picture.
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Colonel : I'm not home right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP!
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Colonel : Don't test it! You'll be bacon!
