Queer as Folk (2000–2005)

Peter Paige: Emmett Honeycutt

Photos 

Quotes 

• Justin : I'm not a child. I'm turning 18 soon. That means I can vote, and get married, and join the army.

  Emmett : Hopefully not on the same day.

• Emmett : [on coming out]  Why tell anyone? Why lose everything when it can just be your little secret? You see, it was different for me. Everyone could tell who I was from the start and it didn't make my life any easier. I've been beaten up, cursed at, spit on, ignored... but in a way it was worth it. Because I have never had to live a lie and I'm not about to start now. Not for you, not for anyone.

• [walking up to a drunk Emmett] 

  Justin : We're going to Babylon. You wanna come?

  Emmett : I'm not really in the mood for men or muscles or music... I'd rather stay here, get shit-faced.

  Brian : You passed shit-faced about 10 miles back.

  Emmett : So I've had a few cocktails. Does that qualify me for rehab? Besides, I've already been there.

  Justin : Did you see Ted?

  Emmett : And you'll never guess who's there with him.

  Brian : Liza?

  Justin : Robert Downey, Jr.?

  Brian : Ben Affleck?

  Justin : Matthew Perry?

• [at Brian's stag party] 

  Michael : Can I have your attention, please? I would like to offer a toast to the memory of Brian Kinney. Out-going, friendly, some would say to a fault, he never met a man he didn't like.

  Ben : In his younger days, Brian dreamed of being a lawyer. He said, "I want to get innocent men off. I'll go to any length to get to the bottom of things."

  Emmett : Later on in life, he devoted himself to volunteer work. It's true. If he heard that someone was laid up, or flat on his back, he'd come time and time again until they felt better.

  Michael : So, now that he's gone, I'm sure that there's not a man in this room who wouldn't agree that he has left a hole that can never be filled. Here's to Brian!

• [Brian has been acting uninterested in sex with Justin] 

  Justin : He's never turned me down before.

  Emmett : I have to admit, that doesn't sound like the Brian Kinney we all know and... feel ambivalent about.

• Michael : Well, if it isn't Little Mary Sunshine.

  Emmett : Little Mary Sunshine died. I'm Little Mary Go Fuck Yourself.

• Emmett : [to Blake]  If you break his heart, I will break your face.

• Emmett : What kind of homosexual are you?

  Brian : The kind that fucks men.

• Emmett : Apparently Pittsburgh is not ready to handle the fact that not only are queers anatomically corrrect, but they actually use all their parts.

• Emmett : Pink champagne... yeah, uh, that's too nelly, even for me.

• Emmett : Do you think I'm physically attractive? Sexy?

  Debbie : Keeping in mind that I'm a heterosexual woman of a certain age, and you're queer as they come - fuck, yeah.

• Calvin : Pardon me, but aren't you Emmett Honeycutt, of the Hazelhurst, Mississippi Honeycutts?

  Emmett : Why, yes I am. And you are?

  Calvin : Ah...

  Emmett : Oh, my God. You're Calvin Colpepper! You were on the boys' swim team in high school! I used to go to those meets just hoping your trunks would slip off.

  Calvin : Oh, now...

  Emmett : But I always thought you were, um...

  Calvin : So did I.

  Emmett : So what do you say we go back to my room and reminisce about old times?

  Calvin : There's not that much to reminisce about.

  Emmett : I know.

• Debbie : So, how was your last trick?

  Emmett : Mmm, big dick. Teeny brain.

  Debbie : The best kind!

• Emmett : My intuition tells me things are not going to go well tonight.

  Ted : Well, your intuition also told you Madonna was going to win an Oscar for "Evita."

  Emmett : She *so* deserved it.

• Emmett : As Deb once said to me, "Em, you've been on more wieners than French's mustard."

• Debbie : Do you know what MYOB stands for?

  Ted , Emmett : [look blankly] 

  Debbie : Mind your own fucking business.

  Ted : Shouldn't there be an "f" in there?

  Emmett : [nods]  Mmm.

• [Ted and Emmett are at a ski lodge, with Ted just about to blow out his birthday candles] 

  Ted : Every year I always wish for the same thing - a boyfriend. Someone to love who'll love me. This year I think I'm gonna wish for something else. The wisdom and maturity to realize that I won't find what I want by looking for it. Not expect someone else to give me what I never gave myself. That I'm not a half waiting to be made a whole. And even if that special person never comes along... I'll be just fine.

  [Suddenly, Blake walks up behind Ted] 

  Blake Wyzecki : Ted?

  Ted : Blake?

  Blake Wyzecki : I thought it was you.

  Ted : What are you doing here?

  Blake Wyzecki : I'm on the gay ski team. And it's gay ski week.

  Ted : Right. Uh, you remember...

  Blake Wyzecki : Emmett.

  Emmett : Yeah, wow, what a surprise. And Teddy was just about to hang up his skis.

• Emmett : I feel like the town slut on prom night. Again!

• Emmett : My flame has been rekindled and is burning brighter than ever.

• Emmett : You're just jealous because we have what you don't.

  Brian : Anal warts?

• Emmett : I haven't seen so many dogs since 101 Dalmatians.

• Emmett : If you ask me, nobody makes a better woman than a gay man.

• Emmett : Teddy, how many of those power bars have you had?

  Ted : [shrug]  Who's counting?

  Emmett : I am. That's your fourth. Do you know the number of carbs in those things, not to mention the calories?

  Ted : So I'll burn 'em off.

  Emmett : Honey, you'd have to go up in flames.

• [Brian's just about to re-open Babylon] 

  Brian : I haven't had this much fun with a toy since my Erector Set!

  Emmett : My parents couldn't afford an Erector Set. So I decided to play with the one God gave me.

• [there is a huge line outside Babylon] 

  Emmett : Brian must be giving blow jobs to get customers. Honestly, he has no shame.

• Brian : Good evening, twats.

  Emmett : Would you kindly refrain from using derogatory references to women, since they represent half my fan base.

  Brian : Have any hermaphrodites?

  Emmett : I don't think so.

  Brian : Good. Go fuck yourself.

• Emmett : [talking to himself]  Emm, don't be such a scaredy queen. No-one's stalking you. Why would anybody stalk you? Just because you're on the Channel 5 news, and everybody adores the Queer Guy. And of course there is the undeniable fact that you have an awesome ass.

• Emmett : [Someone knocks on Emmett/Michael's door]  Well, that must be Prince Charming!

  Emmett : [Emmett opens the door and Brian is standing there, not Dr. Dave]  Make that the wicked witch!

• Emmett : It's pathetic. My screen name has more fun than I do.

• Emmett : A song and a snack can turn any moment into an occasion.

• Emmett : I prefer to think of them all as lunatics. Except for Aunt Lulah, who was supposed to be the crazy one. She was my only friend.

• [doing his Queer Guy segment on the news] 

  Emmett : Hi. I'm Emmett Honeycutt, your Queer Guy. And certified member of the 4-F Club. That's fashion, food, furnishings, and

  [chuckles] 

  Emmett : we'll save the last F for cable.

• Emmett : Everybody knows I'm terrible judge of character.

  Brian Kinney : Yeah, just look at who he hangs out with!

• Brian Kinney : You know, he's a first. The first almost dead guy I sort of had sex with.

  Michael : You had sex with Ted?

  Emmett : You never had sex with Ted.

  Michael : When did you have sex with...

  Brian Kinney : Sort of sex. At this semi-orgy.