Ice Age (2002)

John Leguizamo: Sid

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Quotes 

• Sid : For a second there, I actually thought you were gonna eat me.

  Diego : I don't eat junk food.

• Manfred : Okay, you. Check for poop.

  Sid : Hey, why am I the poop-checker?

  Manfred : Because returning the runt was your idea, because you're small and insignificant, and because I'll pummel you if you don't.

  Sid : ...Why else?

  Manfred : NOW, Sid!

• Sid : [about the baby]  I bet he's hungry.

  Manny : How 'bout some milk?

  Sid : Ooh, I'd love some!

  Diego : Not you. The baby.

  Sid : Well, I ain't exactly lactating right now, pal.

  Diego : You're a little low on the food chain to be mouthing off, aren't you...

  Manny : [in a shout that echoes]  ENOUGH!

• Sid : From now on, you'll have to refer to me as "Sid, Lord of the Flame."

  Manfred : Hey, Lord of the Flame, your tail's on fire.

• Dodo : Prepare for the Ice Age.

  Sid : Ice Age?

  Diego : I've heard of these crackpots.

• Diego : The baby? Please. I was just returning it to its herd.

  Sid : Oh, yeah. Nice try, Bucktooth.

  Diego : You calling me a liar?

  Sid : I didn't say that.

  Diego : You were thinking it.

  Sid : [whispering, to Manny]  I don't like this cat. He reads minds.

• [Sid's trying to use the baby to get attention from girls] 

  Sid : I'm begging you. I need him.

  Manny : What, a good-looking guy like you?

  Sid : Aw, you say that, but you don't mean it.

  Manny : No, seriously, look at you. Aw, those ladies, they don't stand a chance.

  Sid : You have a very cruel sense of humor.

• Sid : My feet are sweating.

  Diego : Do we need a news flash every time your body does something?

  Manfred : He's doing it for attention, just ignore him.

• Carl : [to Sid]  Look, we're gonna break your neck so you don't feel a thing. How's that?

  Manfred : Wait a minute. I thought rhinos were vegetarians.

  Sid : An excellent point!

  Manfred : Shut up.

  Carl : Who says we're gonna eat him after we kill them?

  Frank : Yeah, come on, move it.

  Manfred : You know, I don't like animals that kill for pleasure.

  Carl : Save it for a mammal that cares.

  Sid : I'm a mammal that cares!

• Diego : Is its nose dry?

  Sid : That means there's something wrong with it.

  Diego : Someone should lick it, just in case.

• Manfred : Hey, buddy, want a lift?

  Diego : No, thanks. I'm saving what little dignity I've got left.

  Sid : You're hanging out with us now, pal. Dignity has nothing to do with it.

• Sid : So she picks this hair off my shoulder, and says, "If you're gonna have a second mating dance, at least pick a sloth with the same color pelt." And I'm thinkin', "Whoa! She's gonna go praying-mantis on me." Know what I'm saying?

  Manny : Hey, if you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful. Now get away from me.

• Sid : [after Diego snuffs out the fire on his tail]  Thank you. From now on, I'm gonna call you "Diego..."

  Diego : Lord of Touch Me and You're Dead.

• [Sid and the baby are fighting] 

  Manfred : Don't make me reach back there.

  Sid : He started it.

  Manfred : I don't care who started it. I'll finish it.

• [Sid is drawing a sloth with chalk] 

  Diego : What are you doing?

  Sid : I'm putting sloths on the map.

  Manfred : Why don't you make him more realistic and draw him lying down?

  Diego : And make him rounder.

  [Manfred draws a pot-belly on Sid's drawing] 

  Diego : Perfect.

  Sid : Ha, ha. I forgot how to laugh.

• Sid : [catching up to Manfred and Diego, he sits down on the top of a geyser]  Hey, thanks for waiting.

  Diego , Manfred : Three, two, one...

  [the geyser erupts, and sends Sid shooting up into the sky] 

  Manfred : Sure is faithful.

  [Sid lands with his head in the geyser] 

• [last lines] 

  Sid : You know? This whole ice age thing is getting old. You know what I could go for? A global warming.

  Diego : Keep dreaming.

  Sid : No really...

• Manfred : Here's your little bundle of joy. We're returning it to the humans.

  Sid : Awww, the big bad tigey-wigey gets left behind. Poor Tigey-Wigey.

  Manfred : Sid, Tigey-Wigey's gonna lead the way.

  Sid : Uh, Manny, can I-can I-can I talk to you for a second?

  Manfred : [passing]  No. The sooner we get to Glacier Pass, the sooner I get rid of Mr. Stinky Droolface. And the baby, too.

  Diego : You won't always have Jumbo around to protect you. And when that day comes, I suggest you watch your back... 'cause I'll be chewing on it.

  Manfred : Hey, über-tracker. Up front where I can see you.

  Sid : ...Help me.

• Manny : AAAH.

  Diego : AAAH.

  Sid : AAAH.

  Roshan : WHEE.

• Sid : Can I hang out with you?

  Manfred : Sure. Climb on my back and relax the whole way.

  Sid : Really?

  Manfred : No.

• Sid : [Dragging a stick]  Phew. I'm wiped out.

  Manfred : That's your shelter?

  Sid : Hey, you're a big guy, you got a lot of wood. I'm a little guy.

  Manfred : You got half a stick.

  Sid : Yes, but with this little stick and my highly-evolved brain...

  [accidentally pokes himself in the eye with stick] 

  Sid : Ow... I shall create -

  [snaps it in half] 

  Sid : fire.

  Manfred : Fascinating.

  Sid : We'll see if brains triumph over brawn tonight, now won't we?

  [Later, Sid is trying to light a fire in the rain, while Manfred is dry under his shelter] 

  Manfred : Hey, I think I saw a spark.

• [Diego makes a huge jump] 

  Sid : I wish I could jump like that.

  Manfred : [kicking Sid]  Wish granted.

• Diego : Maybe we shouldn't do this.

  Sid : Why not?

  Diego : ...Because if we save him he'll grow up to be a hunter. And who do you think he'll hunt?

  Sid : Maybe because we saved him, he won't hunt us.

  Diego : Yeah, and maybe he'll grow fur, and a long, skinny neck and call you Mama.

• Manfred : [to Scrat]  Hey, buddy. Have you seen any humans go by here?

  [Scrats mimes charade game] 

  Sid : Ooh, ooh, ooh! I love this game, I love this game! Let's see. First word...

  [Scrat mimes packing down snow] 

  Sid : Stomp. No, Stamp.

  Manfred : Let me try. Um... pack.

  [Scrats nods] 

  Sid : Good one, Manny.

  [Scrat acts like a sabertooth] 

  Sid : Second word, long teeth... and claws. Pack of wolves? Pack of...

  Manfred : Pack of bears?

  Sid : No.

  Manfred : Pack of fleas?

  Sid : [Scrat points at Diego]  Pack of whiskers? Pack of noses?

  Manfred : Pachyderm!

  Sid : Pack of lies? Pack of troubles?

  [Diego swats Scrat and sends him flying] 

  Sid : Pack a wallop? Pack of birds! Pack of flying fish!

• Sid : [showing the baby cave paintings]  Look, the tigers are just playing tag with the antelope...

  [pause] 

  Sid : With their teeth.

  Diego : Come on Sid, let's play tag. You're it.

• Diego : I'm... sorry I set you guys up.

  Sid : Ah, you know me, I'm too lazy to hold a grudge.

• Manfred : Okay, listen, if either of you two can make it across that sinkhole in front of you, the sloth is yours.

  Sid : That's right, you losers! You take one step and you're dead.

  [Sid throws a rock, which bounces across the "sinkhole" without leaving so much as a crack] 

  Sid : You were bluffing, huh?

  Manfred : Yeah. Yeah, that was a bluff.

• Manfred : Hey, he's wearing one of those baby-thingies.

  Sid : So?

  Manfred : So, if he poops, where does it go?

  Sid : ...Humans are disgusting.

• Sid : I don't know about you guys but, we are the weirdest herd I've ever seen.

• Manfred : Sid, the tiger found a shortcut.

  [Sid looks up at the mountain they will have to climb] 

  Sid : No thanks, I choose life.

  Diego : [glaring at him where he stands so Sid almost runs into him when turning]  Then I suggest you take the shortcut.

  Sid : Are you threatening me?

  Diego : [in a shout that echoes]  *MOVE*, SLOTH!

• [the tigers find out the "baby" is a snow decoy] 

  Sid : Sorry, fellas. He got a little frostbite.

• Sid : [holding on to Manfred's leg]  Don't let them impale me. I wanna live!

  Manfred : Get off me!

• Sid : Doesn't anybody care about Sid the sloth?

• Diego : At the bottom of Half Peak... there's an ambush, waiting for you.

  Sid : What?

  Manfred : What do you mean ambush?

  [Beat] 

  Manfred : You set us up.

  Diego : It was my job. I was supposed to get the baby, but then...

  Manfred : You brought us home - for dinner!

  Sid : That's it. You're out of the herd!

• Sid : Isn't this great? Two bachelors knocking about in the wild?

  Manfred : No. You just want a bodyguard so you don't become somebody's side-dish.

  Sid : You're a very shrewd mammal. Okay, you lead the way, Mr. Big, uh... I didn't catch the name...

  Manfred : Manfred.

  Sid : Manfred? Yuck, man, how about Manny the Moody Mammoth? Manny the melancholy? Manny the... yipe!

  Manfred : [after turning abruptly so he scrambled up a sapling]  Stop, following me.

• Sid : [after branch hits him]  What ho, a foe?

• Sid : My family abandoned me. They kinda migrated without me. You should've seen what they did last year. I mean, they got up early, and quietly tied up my hands and feet, and gagged me with a field mouse, and barricaded the cave door, and covered their tracks, and traveled through water so I'd lose their scent, and... and... who needs 'em anyway?

• Sid : [as he prepares to get on a rock to sleep on]  Fine, I'll tuck myself in.

  [reclines on the rock; making moans and groans of relaxation] 

  Sid : [yawning]  All right... Good Night...

  [He flops on the rock, then turns over...] 

  Sid : [as he's turning over and over]  Oooh... ah.

  [Manny becomes slightly irritated as he watches Sid quirk around on the rock] 

  Sid : [groaning]  Errr-um... Ahhhhh...

  [Scene shows Sid lying on the rock on his back and his head lolling off the rock] 

  Sid : [talking in his sleep]  Nah!

  [snaps his fingers] 

  Sid : Nah! Nah!

  [shuffles his body counter-clock wise towards the rocks front,making fizzing noises with his teeth and tongue] 

  Sid : [flops on his side]  Argh...

  [suddenly jerks his arm and head up and down] 

  Sid : [loudly]  Hur-agh! Ahh...

  Manfred : [shouts angrily; startling Sid]  WILL YOU STOP IT!

  Sid : [sheepishly]  All right, All right... I was trying to relax.

  [He finds a comfortable spot on the rock and begins to suck his thumb] 

• [Morning arrives, Manny wakes up and feels for the baby in his trunk, only to discover that the Baby is gone. He stomps over to the sleeping Diego who wakes up with a start] 

  Manny : WHERE'S THE BABY?

  Diego : You lost it?

  [They look at each and notice Sid is not there] 

  Manny , Diego : [shouts]  SID!

  [Scene shows Sid with the baby in a jacuzzi like mud hot spring; using the baby as a 'chick magnet' to attract two female sloths] 

  Rachel : Oh, he's lovely. Positively adorable!

  Jennifer : [baby-talking to the baby]  Hello Pumpkin. Hello, little bunny baby...

  Rachel : [to Sid]  Where did you find it?

  Sid : Ah, poor kid was all alone in the wild. Sabers were cornering him, So I just snatched it!

  Rachel : Oh, so brave of you!

  Sid : Yeah, well... He needed me...

  [wistfully] 

  Sid : And I wished I had one of my own, too...

  Jennifer : [excited]  REALLY?

  [she calms herself down] 

  Jennifer : I'm... I'm attracted that quality in a male.

  Sid : [unaware that the baby is sinking into the mud hot spring]  Who wouldn't be?

  Rachel : [gushing]  You caring for a baby...

  Sid : [notices that Roshan the baby is gone and pulls the muddy baby up]  Yeah, well... You know...

  [the baby playfully throws mud on Sid's face; they both laugh] 

  Sid : [as he grabs something to wipe the mud off his face]  Cute kid, huh? So, as I was saying ladies... uh...

  [wipes the 'something' on his face, which is Manny's trunk; he realizes and gasps] 

  Sid : Oh, hey! Hey... Manny!

  Manny : [taking the giggling baby away]  What's the matter with you?

• Manny : [to Sid; about the baby]  What are doing? Just drop him on the ledge.

  [Sid tosses the baby on the ledge, who giggles and then crawls forward] 

  Sid : [whispers]  Should we make sure he found them?

  Manny : Good idea!

  Sid : [frantic]  What? Wait, no! Wait, wait, wait...

  [Manny throws Sid into the air] 

  Sid : AAAAAAHHHHH!

  [He lands safely on the ledge] 

  Sid : [shrieking comically]  Don't *SCARE ME*!

• Diego : You don't know much about tracking, do you?

  Sid : Hey, I'm a sloth. I see a tree, eat a leaf, that's my tracking.

• [to an animal whose dung he has stepped in] 

  Sid : Hey, widebody, curb it next time!

• Sid : They migrated without me. They do this every year.

• [Rumbling is heard] 

  Manfred : [to Diego]  Tell me that was your stomach.

  Diego : Shh.

  Sid : I'm sure it's just thunder. From, under... ground?

• Diego : [examining the ground]  You didn't miss them by much. It's still green, they headed north two hours ago.

  Sid : [mimicking with sticks in his mouth]  It's still green, they headed north two hours ago.

• Sid : Hey, you rhinos, you have really small brains. Did you know that? It's just a fact, no offense. I mean, you probably don't even know what I'm talking about.

• Sid : This is gonna be the best migration ever! I'm gonna show you all my favorite watering holes. And I turn brown when the fungus in my fur dries out!

  Manfred : It sounds very attractive.

• Sid : [trying to wipe his feet off after stepping into poop offscreen]  Ik! Ah!

  [In his disgusted haste, he inadvertently wipes his feet on the salad of Carl and Frank who look at him with chagrin] 

  Sid : [through his teeth]  This is making me more fiesty!

  [flings his foot up] 

  Sid : Ah, YUCK! This is defineately NOT in my day!

  [to Frank] 

  Sid : You know what I'm saying?

  [he begins shaking his foot to get to poo off, unknowingly flicking it into Carl's face] 

  Sid : Oh, what a mess! Hey, rhinos, did you know that you know you have really tiny brains, you know that? Naw, that's a fact. No offense. You probably don't know what I'm talking about.

  [chuckles] 

  Sid : [sees something]  Oh! Yum-o!

  [plucks up the dandelion] 

  Sid : A dandelion! Probably the last one of the season!

  [He eats it] 

  Sid : [swooning with gourmet galore]  Mmmm... MMMM... Mmmm...

  Frank : Carl...?

  Carl : Easy Frank.

  Frank : [visibly upset]  He *ruined* our *salad*!

  Sid : [noticing what he's standing on, jumps up in alarm and backs away; apologetic]  Huh? Oh my goodness! That was my mistake! Now, let me handle...

  [Sid trips over a log, he crawls on all fours while Carl and Frank slowly but menacingly walk towards him] 

  Sid : No seriously! I can take care of this... wha- what is this? PINE CONE! Oh, my goodness! That's my favorite!

  [He takes a bite of the pinecone] 

  Sid : Delicious. Ow! That's um... Uh, good eating... But don't let me hog it, oh no! Here, you have some! Tasty, isn't it?

  [Sid feeds Carl the Pine cone. Carl growls in anger] 

  Sid : [just before he turns to leave]  Bon Appetite, you two!

• Sid : Hey, what's your problem?

  Manny : *You* are my problem.

  Sid : Well, I think you're stressed, and that's why you eat so much. I mean, it's hard to get fat on a vegan diet.

  Manny : I'm not fat. It's all this fur. It makes me look... poofy.

  Sid : Fine. You have fat hair. But when you're ready to talk, I'm here.

• Sid : You have beautiful eyeshhh.

• Sid : Well, I think mating for life is stupid. I mean, there's plenty of Sid to go around.

• [Manny is watching Sid clumsily struggle to climb up a cliff in an attempt to return the baby to his tribe] 

  Manfred : You're an embarrassment to nature. You know that?

  Sid : [calling over his shoulder]  A piece of cake! I'm fine, I'm fine...

  [to himself; moaning] 

  Sid : I'm gonna die...

• Sid : Survival! Of the! Fittest! I-don't-think-so.

• Sid : Hey look. What is this? Pineconeshhh!

• Sid : Slalom, baby.

• Sid : Ha ha. Eat my powder.