Crossing Jordan (2001–2007)

Jerry O'Connell: Detective Woody Hoyt

Photos 

Quotes 

• Woody : Stay in the car.

  Jordan : What exactly in our past makes you think I'll do that?

• Woody : What do we got?

  Garrett : Well, since they called for a medical examiner and homicide detective, my guess is a body.

  Woody : Is sarcasm a prerequisite for being an ME?

  Garrett : It helps.

• Woody : Any way to tell her age from the autopsy?

  Bug : Sure, I'll just cut her open and count the rings.

  Woody : You could have simply said no.

• Woody : [Woody begins to undress and change his clothes] 

  Bug : You obviously didn't make it to the sexual harassment seminar.

  Woody : Sure I did. That's why I didn't ask if you wanted to wrestle.

• Woody : Looks like man vs. city bus. You can guess the outcome.

• Woody : I'd appreciate if you handle this with a little bit of sensitivity. I don't know if you know this or not, but I'm up for a promotion this year. So if word got out...

  Nigel : Woody, Woody, Woody... I promise that I will keep an open mind, okay? And anyway sensitivity is my middle name.

  [opens the door] 

  Nigel : [shouts]  Sweet Mary in the manger!

• Woody : The last four times Burnham met him was at some Goth club named Asmanties.

  Garrett : Goth club huh? Let Nigel do all the talking.

• Woody : [about a suspected serial killer she wants to inspect for evidence]  Jordan, he's a psychopath!

  Jordan : [sarcastically]  And I'm not?

• Woody : The nun had a baby? How could that be?

  Jordan : She's a woman first, nun second.

• Bug : Remember, heavy object, odd design.

  Woody : Thanks. That really narrows things down.

  Bug : [mutters]  Just trying to help.

• Woody : I have been meaning to ask you why do they call you Bug?

  Bug : Because I like insects. Why do they call you Woody?

  Woody : Why are you here again?

• [a woman is running a brothel under the disguise of a modeling agency] 

  Madam : You know, we're starting a men's division, Detective Hoyt. In case you're ever interested in making some extra cash...

  Woody : I'll keep that in mind.

  Bug : What about me?

• Bug : [Bug is having technical difficulties] 

  Woody : You know, I could always go get Nigel.

  Bug : If you love Nigel so much, why don't you marry him?

  Woody : We can actually do that now in Vermont.

• Jordan : Look... You guys get along. I need you to talk to him.

  Woody : He pulled a gun on me!

  Jordan : That's bonding for him. He feels comfortable with you.

  Woody : He said he was going to shoot me!

  Jordan : You see... You guys are closer than I thought.

• [looking for the victim's husband] 

  Landlord : Maybe he's at work.

  Woody : His wife never came home last night. Would you go to work the next morning?

  Landlord : Yeah, but you haven't met my husband.

• Woody : I have moral issues shooting live animals. I don't care if it is wabbit hunting season.

  Cal Hoyt : But you shoot people.

  Woody : I shoot bad people.

  Cal Hoyt : Well, there's bad wabbit.

• Jordan : The moon's in uranus.

  Woody : Excuse me.

• Susan : [to Det. Cruz]  What, are you playing bad cop?

  Woody : No, he's not playing. He just is... bad.

• Woody : [checking a victim's phone records]  There are over 50 calls in the last three months to a Robert Whiting.

  Bug : Why does that name sound familiar?

  Woody : You probably voted for him.

• Woody : Let's not jump to any hasty conclusions here. If I was looking for the wack-a-doo conspiracy version I would have called Jordan in.

  Nigel : I am some how both flattered and insulted by that.

• Nigel : I'm so glad you decided to go undercover Woody. You're blending right in.

  Woody : Sorry, I didn't get the memo. Did you sew those pants on yourself?

• Devan Maguire : I've always been a good judge of character. I read people very well and I don't think he's guilty.

  Woody : I'm a pretty good judge of character too Devan. I had you pegged didn't I?

  Devan Maguire : Don't tell me... Pushy, driven...

  Woody : And sometimes intolerable. See... Impressive isn't it?

• Woody : Her name is Jordan.

  Cal Hoyt : That's a boy's name.

  Woody : She's not a boy, though.

  Cal Hoyt : That'd explain a lot.

• Danny McCoy : [upon arriving at a suspect's locked door]  I can pick that lock in like, five seconds.

  Woody : Really? 'Cause I can do it in like, one.

  [kicks door in] 

• Woody : It's Jordan, isn't it? This trial would be over by now if she wasn't in there poking holes.

  Macy : That'd be my guess.

  Woody : Jordan being Jordan.

• Woody : Don't tell me that I missed something.

  Bug : Okay, I won't. But you did.

• Woody : Carlsen's car is a '65 El Dorado.

  Bug : Hard to miss, considering it's the size of the QE II.

• Bug : He's a reporter.

  Woody : How can you tell?

  Bug : Calluses on the fingertips suggest a regular typist. Mysteriously empty tape recorder, and - oh, yeah... his press pass says so.

• Garrett : Woody...

  Woody : Ahh!

  Garrett : I think it's time you cut down on the java.

  Woody : I think it's time you quit sneaking up on people!

• Jordan : That's it? You've got nothing to say to me.

  Woody : Nope.

  Jordan : Woody, you lied to me. You betrayed my trust. You used me.

  Woody : At least I didn't rat you out.

  Jordan : No. You said this was about us, that you needed closure so you could move on.

  Woody : Oh, come on, Jordan, does it always have to be about you?

  Jordan : Oh, you need help Woody.

  Woody : I don't need help. Especially not from you.

• Michael Stackhouse : She got shot.

  Woody : Yes, she did. In the line of duty. You know what that is, duty?

  Michael Stackhouse : When you go to the bathroom in your pants?