Ali G Indahouse (2002)

Sacha Baron Cohen: Ali G, Borat

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Ali G : BELONG? That's a very sexist way to talk about these bitches!

• Ali G : Jezzy, iz you wearing green? I knew it - you iz defected to the Iver 'Eath posse, innit? Come on - let's stab him!

  Jezzy F : No, no - wait! Me mum, yeah, she put me yellow top in the wash with me brother's blue football socks even though they ain't colourfast.

  Ali G : All right. But you tell that slag, that in the ghetto, washing non-colourfast synthetics at 60 degrees could cost you your life...

• David Carlton : [to Ali]  Have you ever considered becoming a member of parliament?

  Ali G : What me wanna do that for? It's full of pricks.

  David Carlton : That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?

  Ali G : Yes.

• David Carlton : Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?

  Ali G : Unfortunately, I iz recently gone on the dole...

  David Carlton : Really? When?

  Ali G : Eight years and three months ago.

  David Carlton : Says here you claim disability benefit, are you...?

  Ali G : Yes, I iz actually spasticated. I iz got a terrible DJ'ing injury - I still ain't got full mobility in me main mixing finger...

  [starts to air-mix, winces, feigns pain, and stops. Notices Carlton's fit secretary looking at him, so he points to his crotch] 

  Ali G : Everything down there's still working, though! Oh, yes...

• Ali G : You wanna know 'ow I make diz country bettah? Iz simple, two words: keep it real!

  Cabinet M.P. : That's three words!

  Ali G : Don't be a spannah, it ain't a real word. It's short for innit, innit?

• Ali G : R.E.S.T.E.C.P! Do ya even know wha it spellz?

  Cabinet M.P. : Restecp?

  Ali G : Yes, Restecp. 'Owz anyone out there meant to restecp each otha? If you lot in 'ere, don't even start restecpa-ing one another.

• Ali G : If you iz watching dis in da UK, you may remember me from da telly. If you iz in Belgium... you iz living in a shit hole.

• Ali G : And I put it to YOU... that you sucked off a 'orse.

• Ali G : A man more eviler than Skeletor.

• David Carlton : As of 12:00 all rizla's will be free. To discourage their use, there will be a 25p-per-pound levy on panties. This will exclude thongs. As for the health service, marijuana will be available on the NHS to treat chronic diseases such as ichy scrot. Furthermore I am a bell end...

  Ali G : HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!

  David Carlton : Prime minister, I really can't be expected to...

  Prime Minister : Go on now, David!

  David Carlton : [Looking annoyed]  I like to take it up the batty. Yes, I do. It feel really nice and is me favourite. I used to be a girl and wear knicks, honest. Ask me mum!

• Ali G : He iz a criminal! And not even da good type wot deals drugs and does drive bys.

• Ali G : Dat's no prozzie, dat's me ho!

• [Awarding a Cub scout a new badge] 

  Ali G : Soon you will big-up to Tyrone's level. Tyrone, if you keeps getting any better, we're gonna have to do your pubes, aiii.

  Cub scout : I don't have any.

  Ali G : Well I'ze got millions.

• Ali G : Crack cocaine iz destroyin' our community, so when a bruva makes it through, he deserves our respect. So, let's big it up for me main man Darren, who has been off da crack now for eight years!

  Darren : Eight years and three quarters.

  Ali G : Whateva!

• Ali G : I'm not Ali A, not Ali B, Ali C, Ali D, Ali E, Ali F... but... Ali G!

• Ali G : Talk to the hand, 'cos the face ain't listening.

• Ali G : Sorry I iz late, bu dere was a documentry on about monkeys.

• Ali G : Me Julie, will you make me the happiest guy in the world?

  Me Julie : Yes, Ali. Yes I will.

  Ali G : Good. Let me shag her, then!

• Ali G : We is gunna hire the A-team.

• [repeated line] 

  Ali G : Wicked!

• [repeated line] 

  Ali G : Batty boy!

• Borat : You are a cocksucker.