Scrubs (2001–2010)
Judy Reyes: Nurse Carla Espinosa
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Cox : Carla you devil I can't help but notice you love telling jokes. What was it you were saying about your coffee?
Carla : I said 'It's so good it's like crack'.
[nurses stare]
Dr. Cox : Normally you would hear crickets but they were uncomfortable about just how unfunny that was.
Carla : So what I'm not funny?
Dr. Cox : I think your very funny when your up on your high horse, you know when you stay right in your wheelhouse. Everyone is funny for something. Barbie is an emotional trainwreck, your husband sells with a cocky attitude...
Turk : Well you know I do what I do when I do what I do
Dr. Cox : Alice here sells it with a lost stare, and now that I've said Alice your picturing me as the maid from the Brady Bunch.
[flash to Cox as the maid]
Dr. Cox : Am I right?
[cut back]
Dr. Cox : Then there are people with funny names... Dr. Beardface, Dr. Mickhead, Col. Doctor, Snoop Dogg Intern...
Snoop Dogg Intern : Yo!
Dr. Cox : Sorry Snoop Dogg Resident. Laverne believes in God which is hilarious to me and Ted is the hospital sad sack.
Ted : I am?
Dr. Cox : Yes
Ted : Awwwww!
Dr. Cox : And me well, I'm funny cause I commit. C-O-M-M-I-T-T-T-T-T-T-T... T
[points pinky and makes sipping motion]
Dr. Cox : . To tell you the truth there is only one person here who is funny no matter what he says.
Dr. Kelso : Are my new boxers made of wool? Cause my weasel's gettin heat stroke.
Dr. Cox : The point is *PLEASE* don't tell anymore jokes.
Ted : I'm not really a sad sack?
Carla : Ted your pen exploded.
Ted : [looks at shirt] Awww!
[realizes ink got on his hand and now is wiped on his head]
Ted : AWWWW MAN!
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Carla : Christopher!
Chris Turk : Christopher? You only call me Christopher when you're mad or when we're having sex... Baby, are you mad when we're having sex?
Carla : Sometimes.
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[Dr. Cox has been berating people after learning that his girlfriend slept with most of doctors to sell medicine]
Dr. Cox : I'm not angry. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff? I'm proud of her commitment to medicine.
Carla : Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...
Dr. Cox : Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla : I will if you will.
[Cox breaks down laughing]
Dr. Cox : Well... dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.
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Dr. Cox : Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word. And now, in a reciprocal gesture, can I be included in the planning of your coming-out party?
J.D. : Is that a gay joke?
Dr. Cox : No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years - how is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays - I like their music, I like their sense of style, I especially like what they've done with Halloween - but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are. But that's really not fair...
J.D. : [thinking] Man, once Dr. Cox gets on a roll, there's nothing that can derail him.
Carla : [speaking from the desk behind them] My mom died.
[the two guys turn to look at her, speechless with concern]
J.D. : [thinking] Except that.
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Carla : Well?
Dr. Cox : I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?
Carla : Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan : That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla : Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?
Jordan : Again, last night!
Carla : You've gone soft.
Jordan : [Gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.
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[about J.D]
Dr. Cox : Uh, Carla. Carla, have you, uh, have you seen Newbie?
Carla : Oh, he got off your leash?
Dr. Cox : [laughing] Give me a break. The kid's like... he's like a... have you ever seen a drunk baby?
[Carla stares at him]
Dr. Cox : Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second...
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Chris Turk : Ya know Elliot, eventually you're gonna have to take off your sock.
Elliot : If I do then from now on whenever you guys look at me all you're going to think is Giant Gross-Foot. It's like that security guard with the hook for the hand, all anybody thinks when they look at him is Big Giant Afro.
Carla : [gasps] I do think that!
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Carla : You know what your problem is?
Dr. Cox : There are times when I put myself into situ...
Carla : Oh my god, who answers that question? You see, *that* is your problem. You think you have the answers to everything, but instead you end up throwing gas on the fire, and everyone else has to pay the consequences.
Dr. Cox : That's almost exactly what I was going to say.
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Carla : Yes I'll have an espresso, please and...
[looks at menu]
Carla : What kind of scones do you have today?
Yuppie : Ahem.
[Carla continues looking]
Yuppie : Son of a bitch. Do you mind lady? I am in a rush.
Carla : [Turning around] Oh, my goodness I'm so sorry. What am I doing thinking I can take an extra six seconds to pick my breakfast? I'm gonna have to call my mom and tell her she did a lousy job raising me. Thank you so much.
[continues to look at menu]
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[Turk is talking about a rival surgeon]
Chris Turk : Bonnie is killing me; I'm telling you, I cannot beat this woman no matter what I try. She's like a ninja but worse.
J.D. : Nothing's worse than a ninja - they're masters of every style of combat.
Carla : Can we please talk about something other than Bonnie?
Elliot : [to Turk] I think you should give Bonnie a break. You know, it's really hard being a woman around here... you can walk through walls and nobody notices you.
J.D. : Not entirely unlike a... ninja.
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Chris Turk : Babe, you gotta understand. A guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive, no matter how he feels about her. If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom and then offered to have sex with me, I'd have to dial 9-1-1 in the nude because my pants would already be off!
Carla : Nice, while your mother lays there dying.
Chris Turk : [to JD] Tell her.
J.D. : His mother doesn't die. Tyra uses her connections in the super model world to get Turk's mom's brain put into Heidi Klum's body. She falls in love with me, and we all move in together.
Chris Turk : Because I love my mom.
J.D. : Mm, and I would love her too.
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Chris Turk : I don't understand it. This wedding is supposed to be about us - how come I can't be comfortable?
Carla : And I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are not wearing sweats!
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[J.D. is trying to break up with Danni over the phone while Carla enters]
Carla : [to Nurse Roberts] How's he doing?
Nurse Roberts : The boy's got no biscuits.
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Carla : You can deny you like her all you want. But, I know for a fact, that every time you guys are done playing racquetball or having a conversation or whatever it is you crazy kids are calling it, you like nothing more than to just lie next to Jordan and watch her sleep.
Dr. Cox : It would be impossible for me to lie next to Jordan. She sleeps hanging from a ramp in the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.
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[to toddler Jack, at his parent's wedding-like divorce ceremony]
Carla : You have no chance of being normal.
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[Elliot can't find an apartment]
Carla : How you doing?
Elliot : I'm exhausted. I mean, I'm just one person. At least Turk has you to pick up the slack when it gets too bad.
Carla : You'd think so.
[Elliot's cell phone rings but she ignores it]
Carla : Aren't you gonna answer that?
Elliot : Nah, that's just Todd. He keeps calling me and asking if I want to move into his pants.
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Carla : Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Chris Turk : I think you mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wus'UP
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J.D. : Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla : Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor : [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla : [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor : [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
J.D. : Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
J.D. : I'd have to learn Spanish.
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[Carla's assisting Turk in surgery]
Chris Turk : Scalpel.
Carla : Scalpel what?
Chris Turk : Scalpel, please.
Carla : Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby.
[She giggles. Dr. Wen interrupts]
Dr. Wen : [to Turk] Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?
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J.D. : [after learning Kylie has a boyfriend] Ahh! I can't believe it's over.
Chris Turk : Dude, it might not be that serious. There might be a window, but you have to get in there and fish for information.
[getting more excited]
Chris Turk : Okay, you do *not* want to lose this hottie! She is a slamming hottie! And you do not...
Carla : Turk...
Chris Turk : Sorry.
J.D. : I got this. Baby, you know you're his world!
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Dr. Cox : The man's 92 years old, he has full dementia, he doesn't even know we're here. He is inches from Carla's rack and he hasn't even flinched.
Carla : Aw, that is so sweet.
Dr. Cox : Yeah, it is...
J.D. : What about his subconscious?
Dr. Cox : [leaning down to the patients ear] Eisenhower... was a sissy.
[he rears back and puts his dukes up. Nothing happens. He turns to JD]
Dr. Cox : I think, by the grace of God, we're gonna be okay. Oh, and from now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're definitely not allowed to talk.
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[Turk is trying to help J.D. break up with Danni]
Chris Turk : Dude, with Danni you just gotta keep your eyes on the prize. Focus in on how great it is to be single! Chasing tail! Hell, I miss it every day.
Carla : Oh, you don't care if you ever have sex again, do you?
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J.D. : You think Turk would like it if I started calling him 'my brother'?
Carla : I don't know.
[Turk passes by]
J.D. : Catch you later... my brutha.
Chris Turk : I'll holla.
J.D. : [to Carla] He said, he'll holler...
