The Office (2001–2003)

Martin Freeman: Tim Canterbury

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Quotes 

• Tim : The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. But probably all you have in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day.

• Tim : It's like an alarm clock's gone off, and I've just got to get away. I think it was John Lennon who said: "Life is what happens when you're making other plans.", and that's how I feel. Although he also said: "I am the Walrus I am the eggman" so I don't know what to believe.

• [Gareth's phone rings. He puts it on Speaker] 

  Gareth : Gareth Keenan. Hello.

  Ange : Hi baby. It's Ange.

  [Tim, Dawn and Rachel all look up, alarmed to hear a woman's voice] 

  Gareth : [embarrassed]  All right.

  Ange : Are you coming round tonight?

  Gareth : I can't I'm going up Chasers with the lads.

  Ange : Oh come round first. We'll have a bit of time together.

  Gareth : All right.

  Ange : Have some fun.

  Gareth : Yep. Okay.

  Ange : Are you going to bring the toys again?

  [Gareth embarrased, hurriedly picks the phone up] 

  Gareth : Erm, Yeah... okay... yeah... look forward to... doing it to you too. All right, bye.

  [Gareth puts the phone down. There is a stunned silence] 

  Tim : The Toys?

  Gareth : Shut up.

  Tim : What are the toys? Is it Buckaroo? It's not Boggle is it?

  Gareth : Shut up.

  Tim : If it's Kerplunk I'm coming round.

  Gareth : It was a private phone call, so...

  Tim : Well, don't put it on speakerphone then Gareth.

  [turns round to talk to Rachel] 

  Tim : Yeah the Jolly Farmer sounds good...

  [turns back to Gareth] 

  Tim : Is it Hungry Hippos?

• Gareth : All right then Einstein if you're so clever, what am I thinking about now?

  Tim : You're thinking how could I kill a tiger armed only with a biro?

  Gareth : No.

  Tim : You're thinking if I crash land in the jungle can I survive by eating my own shoes?

  Gareth : No and no you can't.

  Tim : What are you thinking Gareth?

  Gareth : "I was thinking will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster then a shark?

• Tim : No I don't talk about my love life for a very good reason, and that reason is I don't have one. Which is very good news for the ladies-I am still available. I'm a heck of a catch, cos, er well look at it. I live in Slough, in a lovely house, with my parents. I have my own room, which I've had since yep, since I was born. That's seen a lot of action I tell you. Mainly dusting. I went to university for a year as well, before I dropped out, so I'm a quitter. So, er, form an orderly queue ladies.

• Gareth : You're so immature.

  Tim : [Making a phone call]  Oh Gareth, If there is one thing that I am not, it is immature.

  Gareth : You are an immature little tosser.

  [Gareth's Mobile rings he answers it] 

  Gareth : Gareth Keenan.

  Tim : [Childishly into his phone]  Cock.

  [Gareth slams his mobile down] 

• Tim : If you look at life like rolling a dice, then my situation now, as it stands - yeah, it may only be a 3. If I jack that in now, go for something bigger and better, yeah, I could easily roll a six - no problem, I could roll a 6... I could also roll a 1. OK? So, I think sometimes... Just leave the dice alone.