The Surreal Life (2003– )

Charo: Self

Quotes 

• Charo : [the cast has just learned they will be assisting parapsychologist Dr. Larry Montz in determining if an abandoned mental hospital is haunted]  People alive don't understand me. How in the world a ghost is going to understand me?

  Dr. Larry Montz : Because they communicate more telepathically than verbally, so they're not going to be worried about your accent.

  Charo : Oh.

  [Laughs nervously] 

• Charo : [trying to get out of Flava Flav's arms in bed]  Uh-uh, no spooning. Because spooning leads to forking.

• Charo : I'm walking around and I see Brigitte Neilsen with her big tits hanging around.

  [Screams] 

  Charo : Oh my God. I hope she doesn't think this is a surreal porno.

• Charo : The first impression I get when I walk into this house is Liberace with diarrhea, 1940.

• Charo : [on meeting Flavor Flav]  The first few minutes, I didn't put it together that it was Flavor Flake.

• Charo : [about Ryan Starr]  She didn't want to sleep with Brigitte Nielsen because she's a crazy bitch.

• Charo : [about Flavor Flav]  I am psychic, and whatever he's telling me, I know he's full of sh*t.

• Charo : Charo:

  [about her first conversation with Flavor Flav] 

  Charo : I'm psychic. So, I know whatever he's telling, he's full of shit.

• Charo : [while standing in an elevator shaft where a patient was allegedly crushed to death]  I hear the guy, okay? I'm sorry for him, but I want... I... I want to be alive.

• Charo : [On being separated from Jordan to go investigate the electroshock therapy room]  If you leave me here alone that's the end of my... of me. I'm a chicken, Doctor. I have a big mouth that's all it is, but I'm a chicken.

• Charo : [after seeing the electric chair in the electroshock therapy room]  I was terrified to see the electric chair. You know why? Think about it! How many people been electrified in this chair. It's not a toy. It's the chair that alot of people have been sit down there, close their eyes and get roasted.

• Dave Coulier : So Flav is planning on driving today.

  Charo : Do you have a life insurance?