Robots (2005)

Paul Giamatti: Tim the Gate Guard

Quotes 

• Tim the Gate Guard : [Rodney and Fender are flambouyantly dressed and trying to get into the Bigweld Ball by getting past Tim the Gate Guard]  Uh, can I help you?

  Fender : I think-a maybe you can. This is the Count Roderick von Broken Zipper. Formerly, Count Velkro! Where are the trumpets? We were promised trumpets to announce the Count's arrival. Beat me until you are happy.

  [Rodney slaps him] 

  Fender : He's happy. And I'm not feeling to bad myself.

  Tim the Gate Guard : Uh, you're not on the list.

  Fender : What? Once again.

  [Rodney slaps him again] 

  Fender : Fine! We will go! You will explain to your superiors why were not able to attend your little luau! But we are leaving in a huff!

  Tim the Gate Guard : No, no! Go right in! In fact, would the Count like to hit me?

  Fender : The Count hit you? The arrogance of some people. I shall hit you on his behalf.

  [Hits Tim, knocking him to the ground] 

  Tim the Gate Guard : Thank you, your grace!

• Rodney Copperbottom : Something's wrong. There's some-some highly polished jerk sitting in Bigweld's chair!

  Tim the Gate Guard : Yeah, and you're sitting on the sidewalk, magentized!

  Tim the Gate Guard : [laughs] 

• [to Rodney] 

  Tim the Gate Guard : Boy, when you pick a lost cause, you really commit. Where do they make dreamers like you? Get lost, freak!

• Tim the Gate Guard : Can I help you?

  Fender : [Spanish accent]  I think maybe you can. This is Count Roderick von Brokenzipper. Formerly known as Count Velcro. Where are the trumpets? We were promised trumpets to announce the Count's arrival. So sorry, your Grace. Beat me until you're happy.

  [Rodney smacks him] 

  Fender : He's happy, and I'm not feeling too bad myself.

• Tim the Gate Guard : Sorry, kid. Nobody gets in. Company rules.

  Rodney Copperbottom : Company ru... Then how do they hire new inventors?

  Tim the Gate Guard : They don't! Those days are over. You want my advice, mmm... come back two years ago and the job is yours.

• Rodney Copperbottom : Hey! You're Tim from the TV show!

  Tim the Gate Guard : That's me!

  Rodney Copperbottom : Well, hey, Tim! Who closed the gate? It's never supposed to be...

  Tim the Gate Guard : Yeah, okay. What do you want?

  Rodney Copperbottom : Huh? Oh. I'd like to see Mr. Bigweld. I'm an inventor.

  Tim the Gate Guard : Oh! Why didn't you say so? Stand back.

  [Tim opens the gate; Rodney stands in awe] 

  Rodney Copperbottom : Thanks.

  [Starts to go in, but the gate closes suddenly] 

  Rodney Copperbottom : What?

  Tim the Gate Guard : I gotcha! You see, 'cause you were all excited, and then boom!

  [laughs] 

  Tim the Gate Guard : All right, I had my laugh. Go on in.

  [the gate opens; Rodney starts walking, but the gate closes again] 

  Rodney Copperbottom : What? Hey!

  Tim the Gate Guard : [laughing]  Now that's funny! The second time! You really think I'm going to let you in! But I'm not.