Click (2006)

Christopher Walken: Morty

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Morty : [Michael wants to skip ahead to his promotion]  Consider the leprechaun.

  Michael Newman : What?

  Morty : The one in the cereal commercials.

  Michael Newman : [Irish accent]  'They're magically delicious'?

  [normal voice] 

  Michael Newman : That guy?

  Morty : He's always chasing the pot of gold, but when he gets there, at the end of the day, it's just corn flakes.

• Morty : [standing at Ted's, Michael's dad's, grave]  He was a good man. I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't want to take him.

  Michael Newman : What?

  Morty : Michael, I'm an angel.

  Michael Newman : I thought angels were supposed to protect people.

  Morty : I'm the Angel of Death.

• Morty : [Michael frantically dials Morty's number to resolve conflicts he's had with the remote. Morty's silhouette his shown in Micael's ktchen as he finishes dialing the last number. He speaks loudly]  Yes?

  Michael Newman : [Michael yelps and jumps backwards onto the kitchen table. He shatters it and quickly tries to get to his feet as the little dog upstairs begins to bark]  You scared the...!

  [Pulls himslef up] 

  Donna Newman : [From upstairs]  Honey, what's going on down there?

  Michael Newman : It's alright! I, uh...

  [Hangs up phone] 

  Michael Newman : It was a mouse! I killed it! It's dead! But...

  [Analyzes the broken mess] 

  Michael Newman : It broke the table first.

  [Turns to Morty with a shaken voice] 

  Michael Newman : How'd you get in here?

  Morty : I had a feeling you wanted to see me.

  Michael Newman : I'm freakin' out. This thing - this thing - it's broken. It-it's just - it's fast forwarding on its own now.

  Morty : It's not a malfunction it's a feature. It's using it's memory to execute your preferences.

  Michael Newman : It *remember's* stuff about me? What do you mean?

  Morty : It's an advance piece of equipment like TiVo.

  [Smiles] 

  Morty : You could call it MeVo.

  Michael Newman : I fast forwarded through sex one time. I don't wanna skip it forever; I like sex. I-um-i-it-it feels good.

  Morty : Correct me if I'm wrong, but you fast forwarded through an entire *year*. That's a lot of sex. Put it all together, it's like... thirty minute's worth for you.

  Michael Newman : Oh, no, no. So what? Everything I fast forwarded it-it's just gonna do it on its own now?

  Morty : Pretty much. No more showering. No more traffic. No more arguing. No more sickness.

  Michael Newman : This is bad. This is bad. Here, you take it back.

  [Hands Morty the remote and walks off] 

  Michael Newman : I'm deactivating my service. I quit, I quit, I quit.

  Morty : [Holding the remote]  No, come on.

  Michael Newman : No, no, no. Thanks for everything, alright? But I -

  [Looks at his right hand and he has the remote. He looks at Morty who has a rather confident grin on his face. Michael looks around the kitchen, throughs the remote in the can and backs up. Only now he realizes that the remote is now held in his opposite hand. Turns to Morty stunned] 

  Michael Newman : You... this is not...

  [Michael drops the remote on the floor and stomps repeatedly ontop of it, shattering it on impact] 

  Morty : Come on, don't be mean.

  [the remote is now distroyed under Michael's feets. He confidently waves his hand around. Unkowingly to him, the remote is sitting ontop of his head] 

  Morty : Nice hat.

  [Michael then takes the remote and tosses it outside] 

  Morty : Whoa! Is this a *stick-up*, or are you just happy?

  [the remote is in Michael's crotch part of his jeans] 

  Michael Newman : Oh, yeah? I'll take my clothes off. Then what's - ?

  Morty : I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's only one place left for it to pop up.

• Morty : I'm gonna show you a remote we just got in that's probably the most advanced piece of technology that we have in this place.

  Michael Newman : Sounds sweet.

  Morty : It is sweet. The latest, greatest universal remote not even on the market yet.

  Michael Newman : Ooh. I guess the O'Doyles' remote can kiss my advanced-technological ass then.

  Morty : I don't know the O'Doyles, but... they can bite it hard.

• Trudy : [Michael rewinds to his family's camping trip at Lake Winnipesaukee in the 70s]  Uh uh uh, no cupcakes yet!

  Michael at 10 Years Old : But I'm starving!

  Ted : I know exactly how you feel, Michael, I'm so hungry, I could eat this quarter!

  Michael Newman : Ah, so THIS is where the quarter trick started.

  Morty : [watches Ted bite the quarter in half and then spit it whole again, amazed]  How did he do that?

  Michael Newman : It's a trick coin you buy in a magic shop, I just couldn't ever let him know I knew that.

• Morty : Think about it, you've skipped a year. That's a lot of sex. That's like, thirty minutes worth for you.

• Morty : Check it out. You hit the fast-forward button. I believe we're sometime after your conception.

  Michael Newman : [voice echoes]  No! We're in my mother's vagina?

• [repeated line] 

  Morty : It's all just... cornflakes.

• Morty : Something stinks like stale French fries.

  Michael Newman : Oh yeah, that's probably me.

  Morty : You know, fast food *shortens* your life.

  Michael Newman : That's what they tell me, but the way my life's going right now, that wouldn't be so bad.

• [In the far future, Michael is confronted with kids that don't respect him anymore, a wife that has moved on without him and the breaking point - the treehouse that he had started building for the kids years ago remains unfinished] 

  Michael Newman : No. No. Ten years, you're not finished yet?

  [screaming into the heavens] 

  Michael Newman : Morty! Why did you do this to me?

  Morty : [suddenly appearing]  You did this to yourself, Michael.

  Michael Newman : No. No, I didn't wanna waste all that time. I didn't wanna lose Donna!

  Morty : The remote goes by your behavior. Every time there was a conflict between work and home, work won!

  Michael Newman : No, not true!

  Morty : Lie to your wife! Lie to yourself. But you cannot lie to the remote. The remote is lie-proof, so you can't change what already happened. But you're still a young man. A young, fat man. You could win Donna back.

  Michael Newman : So that's what I'll do.

  Morty : Go for it, tubbs.

• Morty : [Morty and Michael go back to the past to Micheal's birth, Micheal's parents were arguing if he had a penis or not]  Your mother must have had some good eyesight, 'cause... I didn't see anything.

  Michael Newman : Oh, hardy har-har.

• Morty : I am the Angel of Death.

  Michael Newman : You bastard.